It's Christmas Time...buy me this!

In the spirit of Christmas and because I can be so completely materialistic and greedy, I present to my seven readers my "Outlandish Ain't Never Gonna Get It" Christmas Wish List for this year. Feel free to contact me for directions and the address to deliver all of these goods...thanks! These are in no particular order, but those that know me, know what I want most!

1. Mercedes Benz CLS550 - This can be found at any local MB dealership.
2. Diesel Zaf88Z Jeans



3. E-LASEK/PRK eye surgery
4. A day with Kelly Clarkson.
5. Nokia N90 Mobile Phone
6. Prada Canvas Wallet





7. Playstation 3 and all the X-Men/Superhero games they make.
8a. Louis Vuitton Timepiece

8b. Zodiac Timepiece

9. My own Sitcom on a network that people actually watch.

10. For all of my friends to be happy in all that they do and with who they are.

Danny Devito is drunk

This is slightly entertaining, and by the look on Bab's face...well you can tell exactly what she is thinking at certain spots of the video. I am a little sad that Danny can't hold his liquor with the composure of Bree VanDeCamp...I mean...really.

Is Hilary Duff black?

I only ask "is she black?" because I didn't know that white girls could get finger waves in their weave. My mistake. All she needs is some burgundy streaks and glitter, or maybe some helicopter propellers. HEEEEAAAAYYYYY!


Whoever had the ill-conceived idea for this photo spread should be fired and then taken out back and shot. [source]

Daily Dishing

- 50 Cent makes his views on Oprah known in the January issue of Elle Magazine. He has been quoted as calling her an "oreo", black on the outside and white on the inside. He also says she has been catering to white women so long that she has become one. Okay...what? 50, you might want to think about what you are saying and who you are saying it to, because...wait, what...you mean Elle isn't written for the middle aged white woman demographic? What's that you say...OHHH, Elle IS, in fact, written for middle aged white women? Hmmm...I think my high school senior English teacher Mrs. Simmonds would call that "irony in literature". Brilliant man...just brilliant! [pagesix]

- Has Lindsay Lohan's out of control ways come to an end? She has allegedly been attending AA meetings near her house and her mom Dina has gone to Lindz to try to convince her to stay in some nights. OKAY, that is like the pot calling the kettle black. Dina Lohan has no real right to tell her daughter what to do, considering she parties just as much as Lindsay does, if not more. Secondly, the only reason Dina is "intervening" is because she is afraid the well might run dry, which means she would have to get a job working as a sales clerk at the local Beall's. Sidenote: Does anyone else find this story a little bit sad and tragic considering Lindsay Lohan isn't even old enough to drink?[pagesix]

- Anna Nicole is being evicted from her house in the Bahamas by the government. She is currently residing in G. Ben Thompson's home in the Bahamas, whom she was once romantically involved with...SHOCKING. Sources say Anna has refused to come back to the US because she will face a paternity test from one of the 100 guys who say the baby belongs to her. And have you bitches seen this cracked out mess STILL being interviewed on ET? ENOUGH! You know, this eviction reminds me of this weekend when I attended my friend Becky's birthday party in Houston and one of the guest (who is also from Giddings) was BITCHING the WHOLE TIME and I wanted to evict her, but she wouldn't leave! We went to a sushi restaurant, and she didn't eat the salad, and before the food came she said "I don't think I am gonna like the food". After listening to this over and over I finally said..."How about you get the hell out! Just get your things and take your ass home, or STOP complaining. If you ruin Becky's birthday I am gonna ruin you". She laughed, thinking I am joking. NO. Then, she doesn't bring a gift and Becky was like...awww...she gives me the gift of friendship, to which I replied..."I hope she gave you a gift receipt with that, because you need to return it". I just realized, that is nothing like Anna Nicole

From the Desk of Lindsay Lohan

In a letter about Robert Altman recent death Lindz writes (I have highlighted the important parts in bold):

"I am lucky enough to of been able to work with Robert Altman amongst the other greats on a film that I can genuinely say created a turning point in my career," she began, less than certainly. "He was the closest thing to my father and grandfather that I really do believe I've had in several years... He left us with a legend that all of us have the ability to do." A little lower down, she fell into improv philosophy, apparently riffing on the notion that life is too short to waste: "Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourselves' (12st book) - everytime there's a triumph in the world a million souls hafta be trampled on. - altman Its true. But treasure each triumph as they come." And she signed off, "Be adequite. Lindsay Lohan."

This is word for word according to the Independent. I really have no words for this incoherent blather. I mean...12st Book? and "Be adequite"? What is wrong with her? Clearly she had to have been cracked out of her mind on coke and booze, or she was instant messaging this letter with Mr. Altman's family on her T-Mobile Sidekick. OR, maybe her mom was more concerned about Lindz paying all their bills she refused to allow learning to read and write interfere with her daughter's job. Selfish bitch. [independent]

God Bless her Cameltoe

I have had it, and the funny thing is...she is just carrying on not realizing her twat is eating her pants alive.


The Hole - video powered by Metacafe


Kudos Candy bar to the guy who brought us this little diddy. [bwe]

Daily Dishing

- Beyonce is such the jet setting kind that she screams "It's good to be back in London" or something like that...and that isn't even where she was. Booing immediately ensued...as it should. [hollyscoop]

- Christina Aguilera gets super tanked and carried out of the club by one of her goons covered in a big trench coat. Kudos candy bar for no vadge flash! [mollygood]

- Billboard Music Awards are scheduled to implode as Britney and Paris co-host the event. Neither are scheduled to perform...PRAISE JESUS! [pagesix]

- Can I just say that if Britney is hell bent on hanging out with Paris Hilton so much, she might want to lose like a gazillion pounds. I realize she just had a baby, but bitch is worth over a $100 million and could easily find a trainer to whip her ass back into shape. Britney Standing next to Paris is like a giraffe standing next to an elephant. It's true...just look at the video at X17.

Knowles Clan vs. Jennifer Hudson

You know, I would be lying if I said I didn't see this coming because, really...we all KNOW it was going to happen. Beyonce and her brood are all up in arms about the critics' worship of Jennifer Hudson in Dreamgirls and the lack of attention that Beyonce is getting.

Critics love love love Dreamgirls and in particular, the film’s breakout star, Jennifer Hudson. And despite the fawning early praise (which can be a turnoff) we’re all ready to love love love the movie and the ingenue too. But what’s that funny smell? It’s the scent of sour grapes, and it’s coming from the direction of the film’s queen diva, Beyoncé. According to MediaTakeout.com, the singer and her parents are “furious over all the attention that Jennifer Hudson is receiving. According to a Dreamgirls insider, Beyoncé’s parents let Jennifer know exactly how they felt… The insider explains, ‘Jennifer attended the screening of the movie and [acknowledged] Tina & Mathew Knowles, but they pretended not to see her… and Mathew threw Jennifer the ugliest look.’” A source also tells the site that Mathew Knowles angrily called up the film’s director and “let him have it,” demanding that the flick be reedited to highlight Beyoncé, but the studio disregarded the demand. The source also says Beyoncé “burst into tears” when she first saw her character’s portrayal in the movie. Beyoncé, formerly friendly with Hudson, has even joined in on the bad blood. The source relates this story of the time the entire cast was featured on Oprah: “Backstage, Beyoncé hugged [and] greeted everyone, but did not say a word to or even look in Jennifer’s direction. Jennifer was used to Mathew—who was always on set—being shady to her, but this was the first time Beyoncé expressed any dislike or discomfort toward her. Finally, Jennifer went and spoke to Beyoncé, but Beyoncé acted just as distant and shady as her parents did at the movie screening.” Jealousy among singers working together? This sounds like it could be the plot of a musical…

You know what, I have just about had it with the steam rolling machine that is the Knowles Clan. Beyonce is talented and all, but she is not all that. I don't understand what the big freaking deal is. There will ALWAYS be someone more talented than someone else. Just because Beyonce was the queen of Destiny's Child does not mean she can be the queen of Dreamgirls, or anything else for that matter. And why was she so upset about her character's portrayal? Does she not remember shooting any of the scenes or reading the script? I would LOVE LOVE LOVE for Jennifer Hudson to get an Oscar nod for this and I haven't even seen the movie yet. Because nothing would be more satisfying than watching Ms. Hudson serve some humble pie to that bitch and her parents okaaaay. By the way, Beyonce, can you do something with your regular talking voice, because that ghetto accent has gots to go...and while we are at it, can you please refund the $1.98 I spent to download two of your songs that someone told me were good, but SUCKED. And the crying...no excuse for that mess. Pick your spoiled ass up off the ground and do better next time...if there is a next time. There is plenty of spotlight for everyone, unless someone else outshines you, then you get NOTHING! Thank you and goodnight. [out]

The Not So News

- Pam Anderson has filed for divorce from Kid Rock aka Bob Richie after 3 blissful months of marriage and several wedding ceremonies all over the world. Apparently, Bob has anger issues and some "insecurities" and the straw that broke Pamela's back was his blowup at Pam's cameo in the Borat movie...calling her a slut and what not. Really...how could she date him on and off for as long as they did and not know he had anger management issues and how could he date her on and off for so long and not know she was a slut? I mean that is like saying you didn't know a badger was mean, or that you never figured out what Julia Robert's character in Pretty Woman was. Also, what is Pam's deal with the choices of men she has made? Always the victim. [pagesix]

- Gwen Stefani has decided to run back to the arms of No Doubt after the release of her second and imminently doomed second album full of B-Sides. All I have to say is THANK GAWD! I have heard several songs on this second album, and I am NOT having it. I will not recommend it to anyone, not even if they live their life a drunk ass mess. [yeeeah]

- Britney looks up to Paris? Well, so much for a comeback. At least with K-Fed we knew she was the responsible one. Now we are seeing her flashing her uncovered vadge much like Paris has done several times, and looking an unfit mother as she parties her fat ass into the wee hours of the morning. Has the world gone mad, or is this Paris' attempt to ruin yet another Hollywood gal's life. I mean...it would sound logical, seeing as how Britney was looking slightly more chic on Letterman, and would pose a threat to the used up Paris' game. Now, she looks like a hit mess and I am sure Paris has a hand in that. [socialitelife]

- Nicole Richie has fired back at Rachel Zoe with a "blind item" on her myspace blog, calling her a raisin face. LOVE IT! Nicole is my new favorite mean girl, and I love that she turned her blog into her own little "Burn Book". [justjared]

- Lindsay Lohan is so desperate for attention now that the Diabolical Duo aka Paris and Britney have taken LA by storm, the batshit crazy bitch has resorted to chasing the razzi's, blaring K-Fed's music, and saying she wouldn't mind hooking up with him sometime, to which Britney responded by rolling her eyes and saying, "take him". [egotastic]

Page Six Discussion

Item #1: ANDERSON Cooper was friendly at a Brazilian airport on Friday. "Hi, I'm Anderson," he said to the "attractive" man standing next to him at the flight connection monitors in the Salvador terminal, a spy told The Post's Braden Keil. The 25ish fellow was wearing a tight T-shirt, cut-off shorts and an earring. According to our witness, the unshaven, solo-traveling CNN star chatted for 20 minutes with the stranger before the fellow had to say goodbye and board his flight to Rio.

Response: Nobody anywhere is refuting the fact that Anderson Cooper is gay...despite he has never actually been brave enough to come out of the closet. Who cares about that? Anderson Cooper is handsome and everything...not really my type. I think the bigger question is not...is he gay, but the bigger question is why would he talk to someone wearing cutoff shorts, that I assume are jean shorts (ewww) and an earring in his ear? I mean...really. Funny how this guy must have either been so good looking they couldn't look directly at him because they would melt, or he was so unattractive that they couldn't look directly at him or they would turn into a pillar of salt. And of course he was 25.

Item #2: JESSICA Simpson could have been the face of Miu Miu instead of Lindsay Lohan, if it hadn't been for her slavish devotion to her hairdresser, Ken Paves. Insiders say Simpson was on a short list of celebs Miu Miu had in mind for its next ad campaign being shot by famed fotogs Mert Alas and Marcus Piggott. But when the snappers learned Simpson was on the list, they nixed her. "They felt snubbed by Jessica because they were set to do her Vanity Fair shoot several months ago," says an insider. "Being the professionals they are, they wanted to bring in their own hair and makeup team, but Jessica said if they didn't use Ken, then she wasn't sitting for the shoot." The shoot and cover story for Vanity Fair were canceled amid false rumors that editors spiked them because Simpson refused to dish on her failed marriage to Nick Lachey. Our source insists it was the hair issues that ruined the spread: "Most fashion photographers use their own people - and they certainly don't use Ken Paves, who is considered tacky and amateurish for high-fashion shoots. He's very 'Texas pageant hair.' " A rep for Simpson said, "She could not have done the campaign anyway because she has her own clothing and shoe line."

Response: You should never be THAT loyal to Ken Paves. I have discussed his fug ass on here many many times, and I am not a fan. Also, you should never be that loyal to a clothing line that is known for being one and the same as your hairdresser....TACKY. And please do not associate that kind of "Texas Style" with the rest of us, because I don't know anyone like that. And given the chance to be the spokesperson for a label like Miu Miu, I would tell good ole Kenny to pack his shit up and get the hell out. And to be labelled "pageanty"...LOL. Then again, when your stylist lets you walk out of the house like this on a regular basis, I doubt I would let you be in the running either. But really...I don't think their choice to use Lindsay Lohan and her lopsided vadge is much better.

Item #3: PITY poor little rich girl Casey Johnson - she's still waiting for a free fur coat she was promised. Her pal Jake Spitz says Mark Silver, a p.r. man for new clothing line Petrou, told the sexy socialite she'd receive the coat from Dennis Basso if she hosted a Fashion Week event for Petrou. But he says Silver incorrectly stated Petrou was part of Basso's empire. Johnson flew to New York and fulfilled her hosting duties, but never got the coat. After many e-mails, Silver is still putting her off. Basso's rep said he has nothing to do with Petrou. Johnson told Page Six, "I did Petrou's p.r. man a favor, in return got nothing and I'm very disappointed." Silver said, "She'll have the coat tomorrow. I am embarrassed it took so long."

Response: I have never even really heard of this Casey Johnson woman, but I did find out that she is heir to Johnson & Johnson and that she looks scurrry as hell. Does this bitch really need a free fur? Can't she afford one herself? As a socialite, I am sure she already has one for everyday that it is cold enough to wear one in a hidden climate controlled vault somewhere. And really...what the hell else is she gonna do with her free time other than host a Fashion Week event? Sit around drinking cocktails and trying to keep her neice from stealing her boyfriend or stealing him back from her neice...whichever it is. I would jump at the chance to host a Fashion Week event okaaaaay. You don't have to give me a damn dime. Fly me first class, put me up in a suite, and comp all my food and booze and I am good to go. I hate greedy socialites.

I now pronounce you J. Lo

Apparently, Jennifer Lopez read the words..."the day will be all about you and you only Jennifer"on her invitation to the TomKat wedding, when it actually probably said, "come witness the end of the world at an apacolyptic blowout!". According to USWeekly, she made sure the day was all about her:

"Tom Cruise and Holmes kindly arranged for a private plane to bring some of their more famous friends to Italy for their wedding. But a source tells Us Weekly that, hours before Jada Pinkett Smith, Leah Remini and Jerry Maguire director Cameron Crowe boarded the chartered 757 to Rome, "Jennifer Lopez sent her assistant to secure seats by laying her belongings on all the best seats!" Lopez also flew her hairstylist, Ken Paves, into Rome and set him up at the posh Hotel Hassler to do her hair for the big day. Meanwhile, it's supposed to be the bride's special weekend, but the singer made sure that all eyes were on her at a group dinner at the restaurant Nino on Thursday night. Says a source, "The November 16 welcome dinner was supposed to be casual. But J.Lo, of course, wore a gown. So much for casual." And the special treatment didn't stop there. At 2:33 a.m. in the wee hours after the wedding, Lopez, 37, had a waiter sneak two doggie bags to her and husband Marc Anthony, 38, as they were on their way to the airport to return to the States."

You know what...if J. Lo was completely unable to fool people into thinking she was something special, then her big ole ass would be cleaning my house or ringing up my purchases behind the counter at Target. She can't sing, and her acting is even worse than her singing. Did you see her try to be a frumpy thing in Monster-In-Law? NEVER THAT! And despite her lack of talent and being married to the skeleton model from my junior high biology classroom, she is still the biggest bitch in Hollywood. I bet Ben Affleck is glad to be rid of her ass...as is Diddy. Anytime you hear something about her...it always seems to be the same. Keeping it real, my ass. If you see this hussy walking down the street, remember vaseline makes the nails slide right off, and razor blades are rarely seen coming when hidden properly. And can I just say that Marc Anthony is SO FUG! Calling him Skeletor would be a compliment.

Ashlee is that you?

I have just about had enough of the transformation that is Ashlee Simpson. Last night at the AMA's when I saw her on-stage she looked like she was fresh from a crack house after injecting some heroine into her veins. The tired smokey looking eyes gave it away. Would it have been to much trouble to run a brush through that stringy greasey quaf of hers? Most would think not...but apparently she couldn't be bothered with it. More pictures here.

Happy Thanksgiving

What are you thankful for?

Is this phone color too gay?

Comments...recommendations?

The Not So News

- Brooke Hogan has BOGO on the brain as she takes a shopping spree through Payless Shoes. Funny...I thought Hogans know best, but with style choices like that she clearly knows nothing, is blind for the first two hours she is awake, or lives in a house without mirrors. [tmz]

- Elisabeth Hasselback FINALLY makes a statement we can ALL agree with! [bwe]

- Do we really need to know THIS much about Tyra and Janet? I think not. The LAST thing I need to know is the kind of methane byproduct being released from Tyra's ass. If she didn't eat so much, she wouldn't have gas. [bwe]

- It is about time that a young Hollywood...whatever Nicole Richie is...has gotten smart about how "stylish" Rachel Zoe really is. By this picture, I am guessing that Zoe was the person knocking food out of Nicole's hand and probably the reason she is so damn skinny and frail...not a gastric bypass surgery. Hyde stretched over skeleton is never a good look for anyone. That woman is NOT cute. [USMagazine]

Hasn't all this gotten a little bit outta "hand"

Pun totally intended. News and entertainment media have been talking nonstop about Rosie O'Donnell's beef with Kelly Ripa about her comments to Clay Aiken about his hand and where it may or may not have been. Let's begin with the first video of Clay interrupting Kelly:

Okay, so I think Clay was in the wrong for doing this to Kelly. I also think Kelly could have responded differently to his actions. Nothing more needs to be said.

Now, let's see what Rosie had to say before Kelly chimed in:

And now the video of Kelly defending herself:

Rosie just outed Clay to the world. She does have a point, and I can see how Kelly's comments could be mistaken for homophobia. Also, can someone please put a sock in Elisabeth's mouth? She hates the gays and all things non-Republican. I love how she is just ITCHING to get a word in edgewise...but can't.

Then you have Kelly making an even bigger deal about it...most likely to get herself more press and face in the media because we know she hasn't been seen much since the Pantene commercials.

You want to talk about disrespect? How about you just drop it and let sleeping dogs lie. You were wronged, we get it, it is done. Now I am going to have to hear this mess the REST of the week on Entertainment Tonight as they bring me new ET Exclusives and reveal "lost footage" of the events. HAD IT!

And not to be outdone...Clay Aiken hits back at Kelly via Tori Spelling

This would have been funnier had Clay said..."no..no...you don't do that". This is all very dumb. WHO CARES?!?!?!?!?

And finally...practice what you preach bitch. Here we see Kelly putting her bacteria infested hand over Regis' mouth. Bitch we don't know where your hand has been...but I don't see a bottle of Purel anywhere on that desk for sanitizing okaaay.

I've been hit 4,000 times

I had my 4,000th blog hit this weekend from a reader in Austin, Texas! YAY! Thanks for reading what I have to say. I am glad that I can bring you a laugh and brighten your day. I won't be blogging today because I am spending my empty time looking for a job. Have a great day everyone!

Jackass Profile of the Week

There are an unlimited number of "social" websites and chatrooms out there that cater to just about every taste and desire. As a gay man, my friends and I have spent countless minutes on conference calls (while at work) browsing across several of these sites, discussing, pointing at and laughing at many many profiles out there. Most of those sites are gay sites, such as gay.com, connexion.org, friendster, and Myspace. Sometimes we will tour into the straight world and get a glimpse of things we aren't missing. However, one day we were looking around a website that is supposed to be for muscle men and I came across this Roll on the floor, laugh out loud, kick you in the crotch, spit on your neck funny picture: I have HAD it! First of all...WHO would ever find this picture appealing? Actually, that isn't even the most important question. The MOST important question is WHY would someone take this picture? Third, since when do goats (if that is what he is supposed to be) lift their legs to take a piss? I just really do not get it. God, what would his mother say if she saw this? I would totally link this picture to his profile, but he might take the picture down because he knew people were laughing their asses off at him. WHO DOES THIS?!?!?!? He does NOT get a Kudos Candy Bar for this display of human ignunce.

He's bringin' Sweaters back

David and Posh have arrived in Italy to attend the apacolypse, aka TomKat's wedding. But like the news says...it seems they left their fashion sense at home this trip. My guess is that they didn't want to eclipse the wedding.

I think my grandma has a sweater just like that only hers is yellow with green horsey's on it. Nice glasses though. THIS JUST IN: Beckham's sweater style has swept the gay population with people coming up with their own versions to celebrate the holidays!

And it has hit with the seemingly straight crowd too:Isn't he a vision? I think he is one of those people Vanessa Minnillo speaks of when she talks about ugly people that are made fun of and ignored...and clearly with good reason. Who would want to get up close and personal with him? Theenks!

Posers on Myspace SUCK

You know what...if your fug ass can't post a picture on myspace without cropping a head off one body and putting it on three different bodies, instead of using your OWN picture then you need to just stay off the internet okay. Actually, take your ass over to yahoo chat where people will believe anything. This must be another case of someone being too ugly, only in this case they know they are heinous looking without having to endure someone else telling them. Take a close look at these two pictures from a myspace profile. Can you see the differences?

If you are going to go to the trouble of making yourself someone you are not, you should probably learn how to use photoshop a little bit better than this, so that your work isn't so obvious. Look at the face/head...it looks cartoony, clearly just slapped on top of some random body. Secondly, if you are going to put a different face on a body, make sure it is the same body in each picture. The two bodies in these pictures are not the same. The chest muscles are developed differently (due to genetics), the left torso is slightly longer, the right picture has a more defined obliques (the muscles that lead to the crotch), the picture on the right has broader shoulders with more of a V appearance, and the nipples are different. Here is the final picture on his profile...for the hell of it.

Vanessa Minnillo Proves the Blatantly Obvious

Entertainment Tonight's Vanessa Minnillo spent countless minutes covered in a fat suit and dressed like a hot mess from Austin's North East side and then as a blonde woman all to prove a point that everybody already knows. In her "Undercover Investigation" she made herself ugly, although seeing as how beauty is in the eye of the beholder I think she made herself a little more attractive than she actually is, but that is just what my eyes see. She wanted to prove that unattractive people have it much harder than attractive people do. HELLO! Wake up you dumb bitch...of course they do. This is NOT news, and you didn't need an "undercover" costume to figure it out. Science has proven it...pick up a newspaper. Furthermore, ET sent her to places that fat, unattractive people with no money NEVER go. They do not go shopping at Barney's and other upscale stores on Madison Ave...more like COSTCO, Sears, and Wal-Mart okaay. I mean, who would want to help someone who looks like she does? Even if I were blind my ass would STILL run screaming into the night desperate to find a cross, some lamb's blood to douse myself in, and all the raw meat I could find to throw in the opposite direction I was running. The worst part about this whole segment is they HAD to stretch it over 7 days. Is it really necessary, and THEN she ends it all by reading "emails from viewers". I find that very hard to believe, considering there are NO email addresses or any contact information ANYWHERE on the Entertainment Tonight website for anyone. Maybe I am just looking in the wrong place. Even worse than that was she had to give a Vanessa-ism at the end of each segment. She said stuff like...on the outside we are all different, but on the inside we all have feelings too, and no matter what you do a Rose will always smell like a Rose and not like a Tulip. WTF does that mean? In the "getting ready" part of the video she points out that the people doing her makeup are "already laughing", but bitch is laughing too. SO dramatic she is. To all the girls out there who may be large, small, short, tall, awkward, or weird, I have some advice for you. Don't listen to the Vanessaism. You think she didn't get where she is because of her looks. If you like your look and it works for you then own it, however, if you want to make yourself more attractive, here are a few tips:

1. Make the decision to be pretty something that you want to do for yourself...no one else! In the end, how you feel about yourself is the most important thing. Trust me, I know. I compare myself to unattainable male beauty every damn day.

2. Find a gay male friend. Gay men love pretty and things that shine. A gay man will not let a girl walk out of the house looking like a hot mess. Look at Lindsay Lohan...she has no main gay in her life and she often walks out of the house looking hit...all because Rachel Zoe said it looks cute, and that bitch can't even dress herself. The gay man can also instuct you on grooming habits as well.

3. Join a gym and actually GO to the gym. Go with your new main gay. This is a good idea for girls who want to lose weight or want to get fit. Get over yourself if you are afraid to walk into a gym because you think you are too fat. That is what the gym is for, and it is one of the few places where a fat person can go and not get weird stares, because the people that are there know why you are there and in their minds they are applauding you for it.
4. Go shopping! I would do this after you have been at the gym and hit a milestone in your workout. Nothing makes a person feel better than reaching a goal, rewarding themself, and working it.

Finally...that's all.

The Not So News

- K-Fed has returned to his status of being less than a mere mortal now that he doesn't have Britney bank rolling his big baller spending habits. Page Six reports that FedEx arrived in Miami with his entourage of six by bus. LOL. That is a shame...by bus?!?!?!?! I don't make a ton of money, but Charlie will not be taking a bus okaaay. JetBlue, Southwest, aka Low Cost Airlines...look into them, they might not have first class but neither does the bus. But the main point is...it isn't the bus. Can you imagine being on that bus? [pagesix]

- Tina Fey gives a glimpse into why the ENTIRE cast of SNL hates Paris Hilton. My perosonal favorite: She said Paris had "the hair of a fraggle", and left "nasty wads of Barbie hair on the floor" from her "cheap weave"! [cityrag]

- Rachel Ray's husband is a dirty pig. A woman has come forward saying that he paid her up to $500 per session to spit on him. I mean really...spit? It could be worse, at least it isn't piss. Even better at least he didn't pay her to take a dump on his chest. [dlisted]

- Um...what?!?!? $25 a ticket to see Dreamgirls? That is how much people will have to pay for the first 10 days of its release at theatres in NYC and LA. You know what? I am sort of excited to see this movie, because of all the buzz around Jennifer Hudson, but THAT. IS. THE. ONLY. REASON. I have no use for seeing Beyonce (unless she has gotten rid of that slight ghetto accent in her voice), or Jaime Foxx, or Eddie Murphy. The fact that they are charging a premium for a movie that has a very high sense of self importance makes me want to heave. Do you know how many drinks $25 will buy on a Saturday night? Five drinks! FIVE (tips and taxes not included)! Best Week Ever has a break down of the $25. [NYP]

Here...take a picture of me standing here.

Can I say one thing about this picture? Actually, let me set up the scenario. You know how when you go to the club and there is a TOTALLY hot person that you want to be seen in a photo with, or you want to get a picture of but you are too big of a pussy (sorry CC girls...it is the only word that worked) to introduce yourself to them and get a picture snapped. You tell your friend, "I am gonna stand here, and I need you to take a picture of me standing next to "X" person." And then they do it. That is what this photo looks like. I am going to stand next to Dame Judy Dench, and you take our picture.
I am sure that Judy Dench doesn't even know who the hell Paris Hilton is, and totally thought she was posing alone. Either that, or she does know who Paris Hilton is and said, I will take a picture of you and long as you don't breathe your disease on me, or touch me with your pestilant hands...and can I get a suite at one of your grandfather's hotels...thanks!

Hollywood's newest OUT Gay Couple

Here we have the newest of the current wave of gay couples in Hollywood. How nifty for them. Grocery shopping, walking the dogs, and carrying flowers. I would SO much rather see random photos of these two boys than the staged and fame hungry photos taken of Reichen and Lance ANY day. Kudos Candy bar to them!
[tmz]

Poor Eva

Has this woman lost her eyesight? Are those beer goggles that she is wearing? Is this outfit for real? Surely she knows that this outfit, from head to toe is just not right.
I don't know what is the worst part about this outfit. Wearing the tinted diving goggles at night, and NOT in the water. The STILL blonde highlighted hair...bring back the black! The white tights paired with the brown lizard shoes. Actually, the whole damn thing is a hot mess. And can we talk about the poor puppy dog she had to skin for that handbag? [people]

The Not So News

- To add even more insult to injury to Oprah...even Brook Shields has been invited to the TomKat wedding. The woman that Cruiseazy slammed in the media for taking antidepressants to keep her from smothering her newborn baby to death. At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if Oprah's couch got invited to the wedding too. [pagesix]

- In the words of Jack McFarland..."Hi, Yesterday's News...I am calling to cancel Leann Rimes subscription because she will be reading Behind The Times from now on...thanks." Leann Rimes has decided to make her opinion known about Faith Hill's ignunt and childish display (which BTW, reminds me of this one girl from GHS who tried out for cheerleader time after time but could never quite make the cut and drove off in a rage EVERY SINGLE TIME she got "NO THANKS, YOU SUCK" thrown at her).

"We all work very hard and have for many years so to see someone come in and win Female Vocalist that has been here for a very short time, is a little disheartening. She probably felt, as I did, that Carrie has not paid her dues long enough to fully deserve that award."

Leann, hun, hate to say, but you are a day late and a dollar short. Nobody is talking about this anymore. Meanwhile, you should probably be more worried about your big gay husband and his habit of hanging out at the gay bars than Faith Hill's reaction to losing to Carrie Underwood. BTW, Carrie's album was much better than Faith's album by far, and I support Carrie despite her lack of support for gay people...other than her hairdresser, stylist, and makeup artist okaay. [source]

- Who says people who ride Harley's in gangs are white trash? I mean...these pictures clearly show that they are ALL class okaaay. My all time fave tshirt from the bunch.."It ain't gonna suck itself." That is SO true...it isn't going to. [cityrag]

- Michelle Rodriguez gets outed by her "girlfriend"...I think. These are the gays of our lives. [advocate]

He So Broke Broke

- This isn't so much news (because we all knew he was spending his wife's money), but Kevin Federline is so damn broke that he can't even afford to buy booze.

"Even before the split was announced, Spears told Fed-ex to fly himself to New York and get his own hotel room, an insider told Us Weekly, even though she was flying here on a private jet to record music. Spears then ordered his phone turned off and credit cards shut down. "Not even his mother could get ahold of him," a source told the magazine. Federline is now scrimping where he can." He and his entourage of eight wannabe rappers showed up at downtown burlesque joint Corio for a comped dinner that would have cost him $1,200, a source tells us. An eyewitness at the next table reports, "He just kept ordering more and more food and then asked for it to be put in containers so he could take the food out to the clubs with him. Then he started putting napkins in the tops of the tequila and vodka bottles and stuck them under his coat trying to sneak the liquor out with him.

COME ON!!! Even homeless people can afford to buy booze. HOMELESS PEOPLE for GOD'S SAKE!!! The best part about this whole situation is that NOT ONE PERSON feels sorry for this deadbeat. I guess since Britney started the label to produce his record, he will soon be dropped from that as well. Poor FedEx...it seems his gravy train has come to its last stop, now get the fuck off! [pagesix]

The Not So News

- So, Tom Cruise can jump around on O's furniture like a lunatic, but he can't bother inviting her to his wedding? Oprah seems unphased by it, but you know she has to be wondering how the hell J.Lo got on the list, but Oprah didn't. How does J.Lo even figure into that circle? Celebrities...they so cruiseazy sometimes. [dlisted]

- Queen Latifah and her thug friend get racist at Newark Airport. [pagesix]

Would you?

Would you trust your style with someone this fug? Again...he looks like the damn scarecrow from the Batman cartoon...and what is with the gay face?

LOL

This is absolutely one of my favorite scenes from ABC's Ugly Betty. Enjoy! I think I might be her for Halloween next year too.

Yoda-lay-ee-who what?

There really is no reason or excuse for this. Does Gwen share the same producer as Fergie, because if so...he should be banished from any record studio, much like a former Giddings High School graduate from the Class of 1997 was banned from attending any state university in Texas because his ass was dumb enough to get involved in and caught in a HUGE computer hacking scandal to change his grades at Sam Houston State University, but whose parents tried to put the kabosh on the reason he wasn't in school by saying they were tired of paying for it. JACKASS! BTW, this song is MUCH better when you are drunk...trust me...have a drink or five before you hear it.

New York Post Discussion

Item #1 - KEVIN Federline has come up with new way to make money now that Britney Spears has derailed his gravy train and crowds are staying away in droves from his $20 concerts. Fed-ex, who made a cool $2 million selling home videos for the show "Chaotic," is trying to sell footage from cameras he installed in his car. "I actually got a surveillance system put in my truck, so I'm recording everything," Federline told XM's "Top 20 on 20" show. "The paparazzi turn into a pack of wolves . . . I got some pretty funny video footage of them just tripping all over themselves like dominos."

Response: WTF?!?!? Nobody loves a good derailing as much as me, but this is sad. This is the most ignunt and jackassed idea I have ever heard of. Didn't they already try that mess on a show called Taxi Cab confessions, only it was semi interesting because it dealt with real live people who wanted to air their dirty laundry. Nobody wants to pay this punk money to watch him perform "music", and the people that do go are only there to heckle him and throw rotten fruit at him. What in God's name makes him think that people are going to pay him money to see surveillance from his truck, because we all know Brit took back his Federline Ferrari, of the razzi's falling all over themselves to get a picture of him. Kev, hun, McDonald's is ALWAYS hiring, as is Golden Corral...isn't that where Shar works? He might want to keep that footage and save it for a rainy day when the divorce is said and done, that way he can look back and "remember when" he thought people really cared because is K Fed and not Mr. Britney Spears. Clutch and claw on fame as much as you want, but it will fade...sadly not fast enough. WHAT. A. TOOL!

Item #2 - NO wonder Katie Holmes had to take a break from her new best friend, Victoria Beckham - she was starving. The super-skinny soccer wife had been helping Holmes lose her baby weight, but it seems Beckham's dietary rules were too much. A spy said, "Victoria maintains her tiny frame because she only permits herself to snack - not eat - on edamame, pretzels and occasionally sushi." Beckham also is a Diet Coke fanatic and told pals she hasn't drunk water in years because she "hates the taste."

Response: Um...whet?!?!? Why would anyone even agree to that diet? It would be like if Beyonce irresponsibly promoting the "cereal" diet that helped her lose weight for Dreamgirls. That doesn't sound like dietary rules as much as it sounds like an eating disorder. Does Posh not remember what a big side of beef tastes like? I mean, I can't go more than a few days without eating beef and here this woman has completely given up all food...period, because we all now that there is not one bit of nutritional value to any of that mess she is eating. It's no wonder she looks like a famished stick thin twig all the time David needs to get her ass to a nutritionist pronto. And does sewage just flow freely from the faucets in the UK? Last time I checked...WATER DOESN'T TASTE, unless it is made by Clearly Canadian or Vitamin Water.

Item #3 - Just axing? WHICH young Hollywood starlet had secret gastric bypass surgery, but then lost too much weight? During a recent four-day stint at a health clinic, she was actually having an operation to remove the bypass.

Response: Yeah...we all know who this is, and I don't even think any words need to be said about this mess, because the doctor that gave her the surgery should have his license taken away and beat with the part of her stomach she removed over and over again. Furthermore, had the crazy bitch just gotten her chubby, because she was not fat, ass to a gym a few times a week, instead of trying to party her ass off every night...well, I'll just say that my friend Ericka has lost about 10 lbs since she joined the gym a couple months ago. There is not quick fix...NONE! BTW, X17 assures that this photo of Nic is authentic and has not been photoshopped in any way. G-ROSS!

Done and Done!

Following in the footsteps of Ryan and Reese, Britney Spears has filed for divorce from K-Fed. "Irreconcileable differences" is the reason given. Girl is a dumb ho for even getting involved with his trailer park ass from the beginning. Makes a person wonder what he is gonna be doing for money now. Without her bankrolling him...he will have to pick up a shift at McD's or something. ETOnline reported this, and I am sure that they will be talking about it for the rest of the week, right along the continuing Anna Nicole saga.

The Not So News

- Doogie Howser isn't the only gay celebrity out there. Check out a local news station's slideshow of celebrity homos.

- Rape is a serious topic that is no laughing matter, unless it is on a daytime soap opera and it involves a Sideshow Bob haired guy, who may or may not be a "let go" Justin Guarini dressed as a eye patch missing Pirate and you can hear what the characters are thinking okaaay. [bwe]

That's all I got ya'll.

Limited Posts Today

Work has been busy lately, and I am helping the County Clerk with elections today, so postings will be limited if any.

Say It Right

This has been my favorite song from Nelly Furtado's latest album Loose from the beginning, and I was REALLY hoping that she would release it as a single. My wish came true. No you don't mean nothing at all to me...no you don't mean nothing at all to me, but you got what it takes to set me free, oh you could mean everything to me.


I am not completely impressed with the video, but she looks DAMN hot!

Faith Hill Got OWNED!

If none of you saw Faith Hill throw a small tantrum when she lost Best Female Vocalist of the Year...after performing a HORRIBLE rendition of her latest single, then you are in for a treat. Enjoy!



This reminds me of that episode of Friends when Joey was up for the third most prestigous soap award, aka A Soapie and he lost. The WORST part about this little snafu is that Entertainment Tonight will be covering this non-issue the rest of the week. They will be interviewing both camps, giving their own opinions, asking celebrities about their opinions, and end it with a "gripping" interview involving Underwood and Hill at the same time. It makes me want to take a dump on Mary Hart's chest.

Wear a Condom!

Sometimes I like the French, sometimes I don't like the French. Wait, that's a damn lie, I don't know any French people so I can't say whether I like them or not, but I do think these are BRILLIANT ads promoting safe sex. Fugs should never reproduce. I don't care when people say Fugly people make pretty babies, it doesn't always work that way.


[source]

This Just In...or OUT!

Neil Patrick Harris, aka Doogie Howser MD, has annouced exclusively to People Magazine that he is gay.
"The public eye has always been kind to me, and until recently I have been able to live a pretty normal life. Now it seems there is speculation and interest in my private life and relationships. "So, rather than ignore those who choose to publish their opinions without actually talking to me, I am happy to dispel any rumors or misconceptions and am quite proud to say that I am a very content gay man living my life to the fullest and feel most fortunate to be working with wonderful people in the business I love."

Kind of amazing that there is a run don't crawl feeling about Hollywood actors coming out of the closet lately. Kudos Candy Bar to them! [people]

Sex and the City Movie is ON...I hope!

I am SO excited about this happening. Contactmusic.com is reporting that negotiations have reopened with all four leading ladies to make a SATC feature film! I am SO excited I could spit. It states that a lot has to be worked out contractually, but camps from all four ladies have begun talks. If this is a rumor I will just DIE. [cm]

From My Soapbox

Okay, I came across a little news item at Towleroad about Evangelical leader Ted Haggard stepping down from his position as the leader of the 14,000-member New Life Church based in Colorado Springs because he is alleged to have had a three year "sexual business" relationship with a gay escort. The Acting Senior Pastor of Ted Haggard's New Life Church, Ross Parsley, told KKTV news Thursday night that there has been "some admission to indiscretion" by Haggard, though he would not give details of the admission. Parsley says that work with "outside overseers" brought out the confession from Haggard. They have recorded phone calls of Haggard trying to score some meth.

And now, from the desk of Charlie. I have just about had it with all these self hating homophobic cock sucking assholes that preach hate and intolerance and create laws against gay people, all the while they are hiring prostitutes for sex on the DL and sending inappropriate IM's to boys young enough to be their kids...and are probably younger than their actual kids. In the age of information, do these jackasses REALLY think that they are not going to get caught? One of the worst things about these guys is that they are the LOWEST of the low, and create and reinforce stereotypes about the general gay population, and it makes me ill. They speak of the hell that gay men and women are going to face when they die. You know what...if I am going to hell, then let me deal with that when the time comes. Some of those folks might want to think about the hell they are going to face for promoting hate AND being a hyporcite? Afterall, people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. There are some duplicitous people in this world and those people include Mr. Haggard and Mark Foley. They live their life in a way that actually kind of makes me sad for them. They were probably raised in an environment that would never allow them to be who they really are, and those 'values' are burned into their minds and they go on to have careers in professions they believe will help disguise who they are, but I have to say...you can't hide from who you are for very long. The problem with these guys is, they realize and acknowledge who they are on some, for lack of better words, "dark" level, there comes a point when they can't refuse to keep who they are bottled up, they explode, giving in to their desire with the wrong person, and by the time they are done, their indescretions are being aired out for the world to see on Fox News. Moral of the story...you can run, but you can't hide. Furthermore, to all of the faggot hating people out there, why do you hate? Are you supressing something inside you that you don't like? Most of us are just out there trying to live our lives, making a living, providing for ourselves and families, minding our own drama filled business, and paying taxes to a government that doesn't want to give us the same rights and priveleges as EVERY OTHER PERSON. You don't want to let us get married, because you say that it would violate the sanctity of marriage? How about all the people that marry for money, for citizenship, for anything other than what the forefathers believed marriage to be? What about those people? In a countrty where 50% of all marriages end in divorce, they are clearly not interested in keeping marriage sacred. I know what marriage is supposed to be about, and I see it EVERY SINGLE DAY in my parents. They have been married for 29 years...through the good and the bad. They are STILL in love after all this time, despite my dad's blatant flaws and my mom's ocassional nagging. I would never think to marry someone unless I felt I could live up to my parents' marriage. I am beginning to think that the conservatives of today see a big change coming in the future when my generation and the generations after me begin to infiltrate the government, and that is why they are in a scramble of sorts to pass all of these laws, and a FREAKING amendment to the constitution to limit gay rights, but good things come in time, and it is only a matter of time before the old is pushed out and the new is brough in. Rome wasn't built in a day. Furthermore, we have enough to deal with being gay men and women without the high and mighties claiming they know what is best for us and for America, when in reality they can't even figure out who they are or what is best for themselves. How about you work on your own backyard before you start trying to fix what you think is wrong in mine okaaay.

The Not So News

- Are you ready for a "Lohan Holiday"? Ali Lohan thinks so. She has recorded a nifty little Christmas album for the holidays with big sis Lindz on backup. There is actually a song called "Lohan Holiday". I don't think I want to experience a Lohan Holiday, as I am sure it involves lots of Coke, lots of booze, and a drunk ass mom who makes everyone call her the white Oprah and while she proclaims her endless love for George Clooney. BTW, Ali looks a tad bit high on the album cover. [dlisted]

- Neil Patrick Harris' publicist says: "He is NOT gay!". Now that we know what she says...what does Doogie Howser himself say? Does anyone really care? Not so much. [towleroad]

- Ivanka Trump and That 70's Show actor Topher Grace spent Halloween together? I don't get it. Is that a joke? [people]