Is It Over Yet?

The proverbial rain cloud is still following me wherever I go. Sometimes it rains more heavily than other times. It has been two weeks since I have seen the gentleman from Starbucks, and a week since we last spoke. Am I coming or going? I can't figure it out. Life seems to be a tailspin of extreme ebb and flow...like the tides during a full moon. Sometimes I am fine and trucking along like nothing in the world has hurt me, and then at a moment's notice I am in tears. This has not been easy for me, and he pretty much occupies my mind as much now as he did then. I am walking around in a dazed and confused state of mind most of the time, thinking about things, trying to figure things out, looking for the person I was prior to engaging in life with this man. It seems spending almost everyday with a person for a little over nine months is a routine that is deeply missed when it is no longer there. My heart feels like it isn't finished breaking yet, and that heart broken feeling is the only constant these days. I go to sleep with it, hoping that the emptiness that is there will be full when I wake up, but it never is. Speaking of sleep...I can't remember the last time I actually made it through a whole night without waking up. Maybe that will happen when I regain my peace of mind...or the piece of my mind that has gone missing. Too bad you can't fill out a missing persons report for your mind when you feel it has been abducted. I would be the first in line. Now, if you will excuse me...I need to go to the restroom because the tears are breaking through my eyes.