I'm Taking Off

Have a Happy New Year kiddos...I am off to Seattle for the rest of the holiday and I won't be back until next year!

Roomaxe Wanteed

I saw this ad and thought...OMG, I totally have to live there. The clearly typed out ebonics alone makes this place seem like a dream. Nevermind the dated furniture, the soiled mattress, and the window unit that doesn't look big enough to cool the inside of my Jeep. The quality of life with the cold place to put food, and lack of bad altitudes makes this place seem like heaven. Although, I am not quite sure what a Gay Back Male is...do you? See for yourself in this unintentionally HILARIOUS Craigslist post. PS - you may have to read some of the words a couple of times to figure out what he is trying to say.

http://austin.craigslist.org/roo/517086505.html

Quote of the Week

"She's Beyoncé, and I'm (Jay-Z's) new protegee. When we see each other we say hi. We're not enemies, but we're not 'friends' friends." — Rihanna, on her relationship with the rap mogul Jay-Z's Grammy-winning gal pal (Chris Ashford/Camera Press/Retna Ltd.)

Yeah...that's right. You are not friends, because Rihanna...you are about 1 million times hotter than Beyonce is and will ever be. If I were her, I would probably want to claw your eyes out too, but I am not therefore I lurve you...ella ella ella.

How Much?

I went downtown with some friends last night and parked in a garage I don't usually park in...and I will never ever park there again. I go to get my car this morning and I pull up to the "gate" that had an attendant and the conversation went a little like this:


Attendant: Hello.
Charlie: Hi. (I hand her my ticket)
Attendant: That will be $15.00
Charlie: Excuse me? $15.00 for what?
Attendant: You parked overnight.
Charlie: And that costs $15.00? Do I at least get dinner?
Attendant: What?
Charlie: Well if you are going to rape me I would at least like a nice meal first.
Attendant: I'm sorry?

I didn't say anything else, I just handed her a $20 and snatched my change from her and peeled out of the garage in a huff. That is ridiculous...seriously. $15.00??!?!?!?!?!?

Simpsons Be GONE!

Okay...Jessy Simpson's 15 minutes came and went like 4 years ago, and Ashlee's career was over before it ever began. All of this makes me wonder why Jessy keeps trying to make movies (that her Pimp Daddy prays to Jesus won't go straight to video) and Ashlee keeps dragging her haggard voiced ass into recording studios to lay down over synthesized tracks. I mean...apparently their daddy believes that Jessy is the next Julia Roberts and is blabbing all over Hollywood that she is going to be the next "Pretty Woman". Uh huh...sure...Jessica OBVIOUSLY has the star quality and acting calibre that Julia possesses. If you can't tell...I am being completely sarcastic. All of this is coming from OK! Magazine, and she is quoted as saying that she thinks this has "hit" written all over it and could rebound her career. BITCH it is plain and simple...YOU CAN'T ACT!!!! And here is a hot tip...quit ripping people off like Beyonce and come up with something more original. DAMN! Is it that hard? Wait...I forget who I am talking about. Then there is Ashlee who has released a new video for some song that sounds like La-La but goes Ya Ya or something. The video is not cute and neither is the song, BUT it is just awful enough to get stuck in your head on a continuous loop so listen at your own risk. Another hot tip...BITCH it is plain and simple...you can sing just about as good as your sister can act. If you can't translate it...YOU CAN'T SING!!!

I am pregnant Ya'll!!!!!!!!! And I'm keepin' my baby.

Talk about a trainwreck of a family...Jamie Lynn Spears is preggers ya'll!!! At 16, she is pregnant with her "longtime" boyfriend Casey Aldridge. What the hell? Longtime boyfriend? What is "longtime" for a teenager? I know an LTR in gay is like 6 months, and I know people that consider 3 months a long stretch. What is going on? She is 16. So many questions...and yet I am trying to feel sorry for her, but I am bent over in pain from the cruel internal laughter. This reminds me of the time half of my graduating class all got pregnant one weekend. And OMG, Britney is gonna be PISSED, because we all know how much that one loves her spotlight. She is gonna have a rage blackout and punch Jamie Lynn in the belly...or maybe throw her down some stairs. I mean just when you think the Spears family can't get anymore jacked and screwed up...Jamie Lyn runs out and gets a baby in her belly.

Jamie Lynn told mother Spears right before Thanksgiving. Talk about ruining the hell out of Thanksgiving. The 12 week pregnant Spears said: "As soon as I found out for sure from the doctor, I took two weeks to myself where I didn't tell anybody," she says. "Only one of my friends knew because I needed to work out what I would do for myself before I let anyone's opinion affect my decision. Then I told my parents and my friends. I was scared, but I had to do what was right for me."

She also said that Mama Spears was none too thrilled with it, but later became supportive. Um...yeah...that woman is an inept retard if she didn't see this one coming, because I think we all did. She also said: "She's never late for her curfew. I was in shock. I mean, this is my 16-year-old baby." What the hell does not being late for her curfew have to do with being pregnant, because clearly, she was considerate and respectful enough to her mother to finish getting plowed by her longtime boyfriend in time to be home by 10:30, but not considerate enough to avoid getting knocked up...and WHERE is the birth control? I mean, clearly kids that mind their manners still do the nasty and make babies.

Jamie Lynn plans to raise the baby in her home state of Louisiana — "so it can have a normal family life." Yes, because Louisiana is more normal than Los Angeles. She is totally going to be working as a change maiden at the local laundromat by the time she is 22. Let's not forget Dana Plato...may she rest in peace. This has all the makings of a Lifetime made for TV movie starring Melissa Gilbert as Mama Spears and Jamie Lynn Spears as Jamie Lynn Spears. I AM so gonna watch that! [MSN]

THAT is your Primary Photo?

From Myspace: 57, considers himself "young looking", is looking for any single gay men (that are handsome), and clearly has THE best taste when it comes to home furnishings and decor. I say..."AWESOME", what do you think?

Raggedy Austin Traffic

Luckily, my new job does not require me to use I35 after I leave work in the evening, but it is down by UT campus which sucks just as much because of the student traffic. However, a couple weeks ago I did have to endure the loathesome rush hour traffic on Mopac and wanted to scream until my lungs burst. It was then and there that I came up with my top 10 reasons I hate Austin traffic...in no particular order of course.

1. Minivans...I hate them, I don't understand the appeal of them, they are horrible. Especially when they are chock full of screaming brats who won't stay buckled in their damn seat unless their favorite episode of Barney or Squarepants or Debbie Does Dallas is playing on the in-car entertainment system.

2. The elderly who drive the opposite of my Nannie. For the record, my Nannie gets from point A to point B in the least amount of time she possibly can...why can't all old people drive like her?

3. Illegal imigrants that clearly don't have insurance and drive 10-20 miles under the speed limit because they think it is probably safer that way. Um...no...it is more dangerous because the rest of the traffic is zooming by them at 70+ miles an hour.

4. Rubber neckers who have to slow down the flow of traffic to check out what's going on across the median in oncoming traffic. People act like they haven't ever seen a wreck before. Go on Youtube to get a fix...don't do it when I am behind you.

5. People who enter traffic from onramps who are going 20 miles an hour. This causes more wrecks people...you should be entering at no less than 40 miles an hour.

6. Hummer H2's. They are awful. Nothing more needs to be said about them.

7. Cyclists who can't go fast. If you are going to ride a bike...you better pedal. Damn that Lance Armstrong for making this "sport" so damn popular in Austin.

8. People who don't use a signal when changing lanes, turning onto another street, exiting a freeway, entering a freeway, or merging from a two lane to a one lane. Common courtesy people.

9. This one doesn't really have anything to do with traffic so much, but I HATE people that circle parking lots like vultures for the closest parking spot possible. And usually it is people that need to find the farthest spot and burn some calories off their fat ass by walking.

10. People that insist on driving slowly in the fast lane. That lane is not there for Sunday leisurely driving...it is there for people who want to get from point a to point b as quickly as possible.

I Was Leaving Footprints Tainted By My Past...

Today's music video of the day comes from Delta Goodrem and it is titled "Believe Again". Have a listen to it...the lyrics kind of spoke to me on several levels.

Being a TRUE Adult Sucks!

and not even in a good way. So, my new job has me working from 9-6 everyday...I used to work 8-5 and I have realized that I am an 8-5 person. I get up, go to work, go to the gym, go home and make dinner, sit and watch tv for a few minutes, take a shower, lay in bed talking on the phone until I pass out. I have had like ZERO time to write on here and I have REALLY let it all kind of go for the past few weeks and I am going to play a steady game of catch up here in the next couple of weeks...hopefully. I have missed writing and making comments on all of the latest going's on, but at the same time I don't miss it. At my old job, I sat idle quite a bit and had time to write and carry on about stupid stuff. Not so much anymore. I had a phone interview with a company in California yesterday and the interview went really well and he moved me to the second round of interviews. I am excited about the possibility of making a huge change to my life by moving to California...at least for a little bit. What else has been going on? I am doing contract work for my old job today so I will have some free time to be dumb and write on here...hopefully.

Music Video for the Weekend

Young Love - Find A New Way

Get "Carried" Away

I just love a good pun..PUNS!!!! Enough to go around. Carrie and the girls are coming back...as all you homos and fag hags know, and I am sort of excited about what is in store for us. Here is the trailer...and can I just say...New York City has never looked better.

That's What She Said.

So, I am kind of back in the swing of things again and I am going to start posting more often. I have been in training all week long and it has been quite a scene. Last night I attended a Christmas Party in Westlake Hills at a gorgeous house that has one of the most breathtaking views of Austin I have ever seen. For this post, I am going to take a page from my friend Al's blog and play back some of the more memorable quotes that I said and/or overheard at last night's event.

"Don't anorexics stink? He stinks...do you think he is anorexic?"

"I smell pot...I bet it is Bob."

"This guy just came up to me and told me he is filing suit against my dad over some sidewalk planters...HERE...at a Christmas Party!"

"Does the look on your face mean there is drama there?"

"OMG...did you see that blackhead on his nose...I thought it was a mole."

"Oh please...don't lie...I know you hated me the last two years."

"Um, is that anorexic homo about to molest that old lady, because he is talking really close and she looks damn scared."

"She wouldn't be SO proud of that ring if she knew he bought it at Jared."

Me: "I would like a white wine please"
Bartender: "We have a lovely white Cab."
Me: "Um...isn't a cab red?"
Bartender: "Oh yes...we have a lovely white pinot grigio"
Me: "I'll have a vodka seven."

"What is this...the gay nerd convention?"

"I know he didn't wear brown shoes with a black belt to this party...and what is with that shoulder padded coat circa 1991 brought to us by Goodwill?"

"Can someone crack a window, it is hot up in this trailer."