Kelly Clarkson Exclusive Preview @ AOL

For all of you Kelly Clarkson fans out there, AOL has previews of three songs from her upcoming and highly anticipated 3rd album, My December, which is scheduled to drop on June 26. Jaunt on over to AOL and have a listen. Of the three, "Sober" is my favorite.

Elizabeth...Elizabeth...It is still up...Elizabeth

just saw this on DListed and OMG, SO funny. Nancy Grace is interviewing some lady with monster potato head lips and his NOT having any of Producer Elizabeth's antics.



My favorite part is the laughing and the utter disrespect Elizabeth shows to Crazy Nancy, oh AND the turtles doing it to the sexy as hell porn music. DAYUM...has Nancy Grace had some work done to her face...I think so! PS - Paris Hilton is NOT beautiful Nancy Grace. Poor Potato head lipped lady...can't say what she needs to say because Nancy Grace is getting down to the problem right now...with the producers...in the control room. Stunning piece of news...I may weep.

Music Video of the Day

Remember when Tyra Banks tried to be a singer during Season 2 of ANTM and turned it into a HUGE self promotion of herself and her show? Remember also, how bitch can't sing and it never quite took off? I present to you, Shake Ya Body by Tyrant Banks.



I don't think the editing machine every quite recovered. AWFUL!

Make sure you get her cheek bones...

You know...I don't know what kind of mother teaches an 8 year old girl that she needs to tan to look pretty for school pictures. Actually, I do...Dina Lohan. And also, why in God's name would E! ever produce a reality show about a tanning salon, with a fug running it? Check out the blatant fear this little girl has in her eyes as she gets sprayed in the face.



Meanwhile, as this mom is encouraging her daughter to look like Lindsay Lohan, Blohan herself is crashing her S65 onto a sidewalk lined with trees during a cocaine induced run to In-N-Out Burger. Nice, good job mom. PS, now your daughter looks like a carrot and I really believe that your $1300 could have been put to better use...like maybe you could get her some breast implants too since you are totally thinking to yourself...why does my daughter still only have mosquito bites at age 8 when that sassy latina girl Hortensia already has a pair of C's?

[BWE]

I'm SO Blind

Which still-closeted former boy-bander was making sure nobody got pictures of him with his handsome Spanish escort at a recent European charity event? [nydaily]

I don't even know where to begin.

The Not So News

- Clive Davis better learn to keep his yap shut where Kelly Clarkson is concerned. He continues to bash Kelly in the media and at social events saying she can't produce hits. Apparently he was in a coma the last two years when she sold a multiplatinum album that produced 4 HUGE hits, which ultimately netted him a gazillion dollars. I think he is just pissed because Kelly doesn't want a stupid sappy power ballad written by Diane Warren, and why would she want a Diane Warren song? Please. I got Kelly's back. Hopefully, Mr. Davis will eat every word when Kelly finally releases her album in June. PS - Shouldn't he be more worried about getting his cracked out prodigy, Whitney Houston, back on track and in the studio?[pagesix]

Music Video of the Day

Fergie - Big Girls Don't Cry

Music Video of the Day

Leann Rimes - Suddenly (remix)

What in GAY hell is this?

I am speechless. Did Bobby Trendy "design" that dress after the one Patrick Swayze wore in "Too Wong Fu"? But seriously, they are perfect for each other.

Craigslist Challenge

Ryan Seacrest is that you?

any guys in the area who can host...don't mind traveling a little b4 the show. sexy, athletic, and passionate guy looking for hot sex.

Check out the post here.

Debt Collectors bugging you? Judge Judy to the rescue!

This is the MOST genius thing I have seen today. This clip shows a guy getting back at a debt collector using sound bites from Judge Judy and unleashing an evilness on him that I would never have thought of. LOVE IT! Judge Judy mixed into a crazy lady is THE BEST! I wept.

A little Dissy for Lissy

I watched yesterday's clips of Rosie and Lissy going at it like a couple of rabid dogs yesterday with utter glee in hopes that Lissy would cry. Well, that didn't happen and the clip ended. I told my friend Joezay (Joey) about it on email because he DVR's The View everyday in hopes of seeing such things as well. I told him they went so far as to ignore Joy's insistance that they go to commercial break and split the screen. Joezay was very excited about it, and later asked me if I saw when Alicia Silverstone came out. Of course, I had not. He shot back...that was THE best part. She snubbed Lissy when she came out and Lissy just took it and pouted the entire time. So, I found it, and I present it to you. Lissy needs to hang it up. I don't like her, most of America doesn't like her, and I feel the only reason she is even THAT conservative is because she wants another invite to the White House. I hope one of her kids is gay. I wonder what the makeup artists and stylists at The View think of her? If I don't hear a collective laugh of everyone watching this I will hunt you down with dogs chasing you through the snowy woods with dogs ripping off your clothes.

American Idol has come to another end

and not a moment too soon. I haven't really been able to get into AI this year...mostly for the fact that I couldn't care less about any of the boring ass contestants, and last night I kind of flip flopped back and forth from AI and Lost. Here are my thoughts on AI:
1. What was with all the 50's crooning? I mean...really. Are all the writers/performers dead therefore royalties not as $$$$?
2. Ryan Seacrest mugging down with that big black woman dressed like a Canary was genius. If he wasn't gay before, he is now.
3. Kelly, even with a cold, STILL kicks ass. Simon even admitted she is the best Idol EVER, as he pulled out a wad of benjamins she has made for him and smoked them.
4. Clive Davis fake clapping was not cute, especially considering he wants my Kelly to toss out her entire new album.
5. Presenting a chocolate statue covered in gold wrapping to Carrie Underwood was pointless. Was he trying to push a rusty shiv in Kelly's side for not backing down to him (honestly, I wouldn't want a cheese filled Diane Warren song on my album either), because he shouldn't...considering Kelly has netted him GAZILLIONS. And while Carrie looked the most stunning of all of them, her fake ass acceptance speech made me change the channel immediately to see that Jack & Co. were STILL on the island.
6. Bette Midler needs to seriously work on her voice. Maybe have some hot tea and honey, because if she plans on taking that mess to Vegas...she is going to have some trouble selling tickets. Also, nobody wants to see grandma in a leather skirt.
7. How many D-List celebs did they fill that audience with, and why did they keep showing Jerry Springer?
8. The trio of Melinda, CeCe, and BeBe need to leave that kind of music to Gospel Brunch or Trinity Broadcasting Network.
9. The Beat Box mess needs to come to an end pronto. This is NOT 1987, and much like parachute pants...it ain't coming back...except on 80's night at Elysium...if you are lucky.
10. I made the comment that Simon looks slightly handsome from certain angles and got berated for saying it. I didn't say I would do him...JEEZ.
11. Taylor Hicks...I think this is the first time he sang before a full house sincel last year's AI. I know there wasn't a full house at the Travis County Expo Center when he sang for the rodeo. How do you go from being an American Idol to singing at the rodeo? I mean...the Houston Livestock Show & Rodeo is one thing, but the Travis County Fair & Rodeo...NOT EVEN CLOSE.
12. Jordin was crowned queen and I don't think she is going to be a big seller. She hit it on the wrong year. I am going to test a theory that AI finds a hit every three years. Look at the stats (successful in caps), KELLY, ruben, fantasia, CARRIE, taylor, jordin, TBD. I think there will be a big winner next year, and then it should end.
13. Oh Paula. Love what they did to your lips. It looks like you used an iron to puff them up. She was interviewed on Austin Fox 7's "entertainment correspondent" night before last and I think he was kind of at a loss of what he should do because she was either REALLY drunk, REALLY high, or both. She was making growling noises like a dog and showing bruises where she "fell" to avoid crushing her dog, and was a slightly incoherent...much like I get after 5 Absolut Mandarin/Sprites, 1 Patron shot, 2 Bud Lights, 4 sips of water, and 8 ice chips.
14. Did I just waste my time writing this? Yes I did.
Have a blest day ya'll!

I'm SO Blind

A interesting little blind item from NY Daily News:

"Which mocked-up reality show "relationship" is set to unravel now that the guy wants his 15 minutes of fame - and doesn't want to pretend to be straight anymore?"

Could it be The Bachelor's Andy Baldwin? I hope so, but I SWEAR if this is true and he hooks up with gay media whore and full on rodent Reichen (because you know Riechen will be all over that) I will be SO pissed. I guess we will know the answer to this question if his relationship with the woman he picked ends abruptly. You can see pictures of Andy at JustJared, because I was too lazy to copy and save them myself.

Someone smack Ann Curry...PLEASE!

Why are they sending a woman from the "news desk" to interview a huge megastar? Ann Curry sucks, and some of the looks she gives Angelina make her seem like she is going to tie the woman up, lock her in a basement in Queens, put on that little black dress along with some weave and/or extensions, and step in and assume Angie's place next to Brad Pitt. I mean...really. She looks like a lunatic, and sounds like one everytime she ends her questions by saying "Angie"...like there is someone else in the room that is going to answer. I doubt any of the questions could be asked of the crew. Dumb slag.

Because of You...

I never want to hear that song again. This is quite possibly the WORST duet I have ever witnessed. Reba's voice sounds terrible and the twang she infuses into the word "you" makes me sick, and I would really just like to shove that rusty meat cleaver she used to butcher one of my favorite songs into her gut. Can we also talk about the weird lip quivering? It makes me very uncomfortable to see it. "Because of You" is NOT a country song, and here Reba is trying to take over the whole damn thing. NEVER THAT! And also, can Kelly PLEASE hire me as her stylist?

Time for a break

Due to other priorities in my life right now (i.e. finding a new, better paying job) I am putting the blogging on hold for a while. I have too many other things to focus on to draw any kind of witty and funny banter about celebrities, their bad mistakes, awful wardrobe choices, etc. Thanks to everyone that reads this blog, because ultimately it is the site counter that keeps me writing. I will, however, be posting to my other blog "Put It On My Tab" when I go out and snap pictures. Never fear, I will be back! MUAH!

You Know What I Hate?

I hate when white trash comes into my office to get an address for their brokedown trailer, but throw around attitude like I should bow down to them. For instance, saying "My son is the superintendent", like that is supposed to mean something to me. Lady, do you know who MY dad is? He certainly trumps a lowly rural county's superintendent of schools okay. PS, here is some Seabreeze astrigent for that Exxon Valdez oil spill all over your damn face. Put some of it on a cotton pad and feel the tingle of clean. Now, get to stepping, because you don't want to throw down with this homo.

That isn't Tyra

No shit Tyra...we all know you arne't a size 2, because you have been talking about it on every outlet that will let you talk about how you aren't a size 2. There I just said it two more times for you...happy now? And if you are not a size 2, then how about you show a REAL picture of you on the cover of Shape, because I could hear that photoshop STILL moaning in agony from working overtime. Geez, I feel we need to have a talk about the rest of this picture? First off, Tyra isn't that skinny. I don't think her Amazon sized body could fit on the cover of this magazine had they not shaved off some excess, and BTW, Shape is clearly promoting unrealistic body image. Shame on them. Second, where did she get that wig from? I swear it is from one of the girls on Mo'Nique's Charm School, because it looks like they just sat it on top of her head and said...don't move. BARF. Third, those breasts don't even look real. We ALL KNOW Tyra does not look like that in real life okaaay.

The Not So News

- Busta Rhymes just added himself to the celebrity DUI club. He was pulled over and failed a sobriety test in NYC. In NYC...really? COME ON! There are cabs and car services all over the place. [TMZ]

- Well, since they produce fake EVERYTHING else in China, why not just make a fake Disneyland too? [boingboing]

- Justin Timberlake wants to return to his Tennessee roots and write some country music. Thank GOD it is for other people. [INO]

- Lindsay Lohan has apparently been caught on someone's camera phone doing something she shouldn't be doing. Something that "probably won't sit well with her younger fans". Of course, they don't say what she was going, but it is probably safe to say she was snorting lines of cocaine off a filthy toilet seat. [pagesix]

Rejected by eHarmony

My friend Joey and I had the very same idea for this about 8 months ago. Why we did nothing about it then...we are stupid.

Music Video of the Day

Kelly Clarkson - Never Again