Tell me a Stori

Found these ads on the internet, but can't find any info on the store. I assume it is apparel...men's apparel. Anyone knows what it is...by all means...let me know.

SOOOOO Glam it hurts

Remember Glam Rock? (I don't either)

Introducing: Glam Remix

If you ever wondered what a whole bottle of bronzer would do to you, or why you should never highlight your own tips...now you know. Pair that with the delicious pink flavored "Bait Lip Glass" and "Idol Eyes" from the Lure Eyes collection from MAC, and you are ready for a rockin...er...remixin good time. What a hot mess these three must be, considering they are probably going to look 60 by the time they are 30. Nothing is hotter than a haggard looking 30 year old that has more treads on his tires than an entire Goodyear plant. I mean really...do these three really think they are cute? THANK GOD none of my friends are like this...except when they getting ready for Halloween...or are completely obliterated drunk on a Friday night. I have imagined what a conversation between these three would sound like:

Robert (pronounced Ro-bear): John, your mom did a phenom job on your highlights, she got it to white trash perfection. Your natural color is completely non-existant and your dark roots are flawless...they are SO SJP circa the second season of Sex just before she became my fashion icon, and your tips are just the most perfect shade of Heppy B that I have ever seen!
John: OMG, didn't that old man that used to buy you things from Neiman's have that?
Robert: Um...yeah, but I don't mean old Heppy B, I mean fresh young Heppy B.
John: Phew, thanks Robert, my mom is totally fabu. She used to have a beauty shop until Supercuts ran her out of business with their classically trained stylists. Ever since then she has had to give half price dye jobs and cuts out of the back of her Hyundai, but she makes up for the price cut by selling bootleg CD's that I burn for her. The gays love her. She wanted to come tonight but my sister Manda has mono. BTW, your tan...flawless!
Robert: Thanks J-Gay...it is Neutrogena mist. I saw Mischa Barton on a Neutrogena commercial and ran out and got it pronto. I gots to support my girl Marissa now that she has been run off The OC. Can I get a moment of silence...R.I.P. Coop. Wait...mono? Your sister is like 2 years old and she is already a slut...because I heard you can only get that from kissing people.
Maxwell: Gurls, Gurls, can we please not bring down the energy? All this talk of defectious diseases is bringing me down, and I don't want to cry because it will smudge my smokey bedroom eyes. BTW, I am SO bringing back friendship bracelets tonight. They are WAY better than those fundraising bracelets that all those other people are wearing. Friendship bracelets are the new "must have" of this season, and you are going to help me, because when they see us wearing them, all will want one.
Robert: Maxy, you are SO cutting edge, with your vintage accessories and I LOVE how that base covers all your acne scars. How do you manage to continually outdo yourself?
Maxwell: That is the nicest thing you have said to me in the last hour RoRo. A gurl's gotta do what she's gotta do to look phenom ya'll. It is hard staying ahead of the curve, but it SO pays off...remember when I brought back jean shorts that one night?
John: OMG, I SO remember that. Remember how the next weekend that one old man was totally wearing the jean shorts that were not like yours at all, but they were still jean shorts. He was so lucky that you graced him with your prescence, and even better you retired that look before everyone else was doing it. Genius.
Maxwell: Sometimes it is hard being so glamorous and celebrity-like.
John & Robert: OMG...totally!

And can we talk about what is hanging on the wall in the background? It looks like the fucking wall decor section at TJ Maxx threw up all over the wall. Are those fun house mirrors, because I don't think they realize they look like jackasses. What is that tile looking sun dial, and where can I get one for my house?

Afternoon delight

Randomly found this perfect picture.

Who is my baby's daddy?

I tell you what, anyone that says Maury Povich is not providing an invaluable service to so many unwed, unkept, broken cooter having, slutty mothers who don't know who their baby's daddy is...well, they are crazy. I decided to forego an after lunch nap today to tune into the latest installment of Maury's search to find the baby's daddy for three different women. First up, Markeisha. Poor Markeisha, even after Tyrone, Phillip, Detrick, Marvin, Diondre, Devon, Jason, Robert, and Marius have been on the show, Shalayna still has no daddy. You would think they would have found who let his boys loose in her lady parts by now, but sadly...no. Today they tested Demarcus and some man who only wants to be known as "Lil' Bit". First off...Markeisha is not the brightest bulb on the sign, and is apparently so slutty she can't keep track of who she slept with or do simple math to figure out who she slept with around the time little Shalayna was conceived, but to sleep with someone who only wants to be called "Lil Bit". That is just...one of the saddest things I have ever heard. It must have been the gold caps on his teeth that got her "engine" revved up, because he seems to lack any desireable qualities that people are usually drawn to. You know, things like clean clothes, clean skin, fresh breath, a job...FOR GOD's SAKE, his hair is so nappy he doesn't even have straight corn rows. It starts out with Maury giving her sob story, and the audience "awwwing" for her, followed by the introduction of the men who are immediately "booed" by the audience. Markeisha immediately starts screaming "you are the father, I know you are the father". To which both Demarcus and Lil Bit defend themselves and say they are not, in fact the daddy. I have heard it all. Sadly, the moment of truth comes and once again, two more men have been cleared of being forever linked to this woman. They begin dancing, and she pours herself out of the chair and collapses on the ground hoopin and hollerin like the spirit is in her...but in a bad way. Meanwhile, the audience is laughing and cheering for the men. Maury replies to her breakdown..."Markeisha, there are people who love you and if you like, we will keep looking and testing until we find the father". Yes Maury, we know...this woman has been 'loved' all over the New York tri-state area by every man wearing beer goggles who also have an affinity for women who are desperate for someone to 'love' them because their dad didn't or women who have no standards whatsoever. Clearly, passing out a million free paternity tests is not gonna do any good because she has gotten to a point of desperation and is just grabbing onto any man she has ever had contact with sexually or not, even the gay UPS delivery man who smiled at her when he delivered a package might get roped into this. "Whatchu sayin Maury...you mean you can't get pregnant from the UPS man bringin me a package?" "No, not from that kind of package Markeisha." Good luck to Markeisha, and God help Shalayna, because she is gonna grow up knowing that she will never know who her daddy is (unless Maury comes through, and I am betting he doesn't), and that her mother is a big ole gang bang lovin whore. What more could a daughter axe...I mean ask for? Merry Christmas. Talk about good tv, if I had time I would have watched the rest of the show.

Memorial Day Fun

This past weekend turned into a four day weekend for me, and I had more fun this weekend than I have had in a long time. Here are some pictures from the weekend. Sorry I don't have lake pictures, like last year, but I left my camera at home this year. The sarcasm and sassy entries will continue tomorrow.

It was Brandon's birthday and he chose me to have shots with...Tequila of course. It hit me later, and I started dancing in a bar that did not have a dancefloor.

This was also Will's last weekend in Austin. He is moving on to bigger and better things in the big city of DC. I am gonna miss him. :(

Me and a SWEET ride. The boys love this car.

No comments on this photo.

So, yeah, Fabric hosted what they called a "White Party" on Sunday night, and I suppose that title gave the impression that it was a clothing optional Circuit Party. People had their clothes off, and there were some that should NOT have had their clothes off...case in point. Maybe it is just me, but I don't think Fabric is a big enough venue to go sans shirt.

All in all this was a good weekend, despite almost having to snap a twink in half in the bathroom at Fabric for running his mouth.

What a jackass

Did Ken Lay really think that playing a dumbass was going to get him off the hook? I mean, how stupid does he think "the little people" are? I remember a few years ago when his poor poor wife had to sell off all her high priced home accessories in a little store on West Gray in Houston because they were broke. Poor Eve. Justice has been served...now throw his ass in jail and lose the key, because he needs to be punished for ruining the lives of thousands and thousands of people.


FYI Kenny, if you are looking to God for help, he is directly up...not to the side. Just thought you may want to know. I actually feel kind of sorry for his family...kids and what not. Actually, I don't feel sorry for his kids, or Jeff Skillings kids, because they were probably spoiled rotten to the core. "Daddy buy me this!" Here is what he got:

Count 1
Conspiracy to commit securities and wire fraud. Covers alleged acts from late 1999 through December 2001. Lay allegedly lied to employees, credit rating agencies and analysts with claims that Enron was healthy or that its books had been sanitized of problems when he knew otherwise.
Guilty
Counts 12-13
Wire fraud. Stems from alleged false statements made to Enron employees via the Internet or video teleconference. Prosecutors alleged that as Lay assured employees in a September 2001 online forum that third-quarter performance was "looking great" and "we will hit our numbers," he knew Enron in mid-October would announce a massive loss and a $1.2 billion writedown in shareholder equity. The government also alleged that while Lay told analysts in a conference call days after the negative earnings announcement that he was disclosing all the bad news he had found, he held back information on dire problems.
Guilty
Counts 27-29
Securities fraud. Alleged Lay misled a credit rating agency representative days before Enron announced massive quarterly losses, saying Enron’s books were clean when he knew otherwise. Also alleged that on two subsequent conference calls with analysts after the losses were announced that Lay minimized their impact and lied, claiming Enron wasn’t hiding anything when he knew the company’s financial health was worse than disclosed.
Guilty
Counts 38
One count of bank fraud and three counts of making false statements to banks pertain to his personal banking. The charges alleged he obtained $75 million in loans from three banks and then reneged on an agreement with the lenders that he wouldn’t use the money to carry or buy Enron stock on margin. Lay faced trial without a jury before U.S. District Judge Sim Lake on these charges shortly after jurors in the conspiracy case against him and Skilling began deliberations.
Guilty

Gimps Gone Wild?

Okay, I have now seen it all, and furthermore have discovered that there is something out there for anyone, but much like reality tv, I think this one has taken it a couple of steps too far. I have no words for this dating site. Click.

I have no words. I am literally speechless. It is hard for me to say anything about this without sounding completely insensitive towards "differently abled" people, so since I am going to hell for being a homo, I will just keep my mouth shut. I don't know how real this site is, but I will say that if it is real then...kudos to them for trying to find love, and if it isn't real then shame on the heartless assholes who have put this site up.

Gorgeous

What it must be like to wake up and know that you are one of the most beautiful women in the world. Oh Aishwarya Rai, you are FLAWLESS.

They got rich from this?

If you are out in Austin this weekend, I will be premiering some new dance moves courtesy of Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen's "Dance Party of the Century" DVD. They have mad dancing skills. Clearly one of the twins is more jazzed about making this video than the other. Look out weekend...HERE COMES CHARLIE!!! How come I am not rich like this frumpy duo? I can do what they do. I am already borderline anorexic (thanks body dysmorphia), I can drink 20 Viente (sp?) coffees a day, but I will NOT wear a poncho nor smoke. Maybe that is where I have gone wrong...refusing to wear a poncho. If I have $350+ million in the bank, I am going to Gucci...thank youuuu.

Is this what they call ironic?

And BTW, if someone ever took me on a "shoppin' spree" at McDonald's, I would throw some of that McDonald's 'center of the sun' hot coffee in their face. Am I right ladies? (source: Myfrenchboyfriend)

Would you pay for this?

Clearly, proving that there is something for everyone, one of the new members of the Big Brother House UK has come out to his housemates as a former rent boy (for those not in the know...basically he was a prostitute). After reading this story I threw up a little bit in my mouth, then I saw his picture and had a full blown vomit, which is good because I am going to be at Lake Travis this weekend for the Memorial Day weekend and I need to be as svelt as possible...thanks you silly whore. Clearly some people have a higher desperation level and a lower standard than others, but I am not one of those as I would not give a second look even if I were blind drunk, and if I am blind drunk my ass isn't going to give him a first look. Give it up for Shahbaz!!!!!!
Clap for him, or is it try to keep from getting Clap from him? Who would pay for this? WHY GOD WHY would anyone pay for this? Any thoughts? And I am not sorry, but damnit, never are things so bad that you would allow yourself to be "rented" for a week by an ugly disgusting fat man. I swear I would rather die. D-I-E. Whatever happened to self respect?

Bluetooth

I have had it with people that walk around with these stuck to their face, and aren't using them. I mean...please stop walking around with it in your ear like you are going to audtion for the next Star Trek series. You have bluetooth, we get it, we aren't impressed, and it isn't flattering. Keep it in your pocket until you actually need it. Wear it in your car, but take it off when you get out, unless you actually need it.

Disguise

Came across this artist called Lene Marlin. Good stuff, particularly this song. Sorry to the people who actually read this for bringing down the usual sarcasm, but it just isn't a sarcastic kind of day today.

Disguise
By: Lene Marlin

Have you ever felt some kind of emptiness inside
you will never measure up, to those people you
must be strong, can't show them that you're weak
Have you ever told someone something that's far from the truth
Let them know you that you're okay
just to make them stop all the wondering,
and questions they may have

"I'm okay, I really am now
Just needed some time to figure things out
not telling lies, I'll be honest with you
still we don't know what's yet to come"

Have you ever seen your face, in a mirror there's a smile
but inside you're just a mess, you feel far from good
Need to hide, 'cos they'd never understand
Have you ever had this wish, of being somewhere else
to let go of your disguise, all your worries too
and from that moment, then you see things clear

"I'm okay, I really am now
Just needed some time to figure things out
not telling lies, I'll be honest with you
still we don't know what's yet to come"

Are you waiting for the day
when your pain will disappear
When you know that it's the truth, What they say about you
You couldn't careless about the things
Surrounding you, ignoring all the voices from now on.

"I'm okay, I really am now
Just needed some time to figure things out
not telling lies, I'll be honest with you
still we don't know what's yet to come"

www.lenemarlin.com

That's how it ends?

Last night I tuned in for the last ever episode of Will & Grace. I have to say that I was unpleasantly surprised at the whole thing. This is how it ends? Are you kidding me? I think the writers/producers tried to squeeze way too much content into the hour finale. It could have used more of the slapstick comedy, and just a lot more humor all around, because it felt more dramatic than anything. Despite the "could have been done better" last episode, it will be missed.

He's no Hugh Jackman

Instead of doing what I should be doing, I have been touring the internet, and now I am starting to wish that I hadn't. There is pretty much anything out there to be seen, and something I wish I hadn't seen is this: The "Brazilian Wolverine"

This has got to be one of the most ill-conceived ideas I have ever witnessed. This guy is no Hugh Jackman, and he could have found a better costume...at least found better claws, because those look like a pair of brass knuckles with a couple of kitchen knives superglued to them. And last time I checked Wolverine didn't wear baggy lace up the side leather pants with disco dick dancer boots either. Woverine's real costume includes tight fitting jeans, or his tight fitting X-suit. The worst part is, he is wearing this getup, looks a damn fool, is NOT hot, and seems to be proud of it by putting every single shot of himself up on the net. The only reason I can think that he would be dressed like this is for a really bad porno, or he is high. I am torn between crying from laughing so hard or crying because it is so sad. I think I will laugh, doesn't that burn more calories?

God said what?

This just in: Pat Robertson hears the voice of God. In the news today Pat Roberston has been quoted as saying:

"If I heard the Lord right about 2006, the coasts of America will be lashed by storms," Robertson said May 8. On Wednesday, he added, "There well may be something as bad as a tsunami in the Pacific Northwest."

(Storms on the east and west coast? That is impossible...that has never happened before during the summer hurricane season) Who knew he had a direct line to God's house...I wonder if he says anything about me winning the lottery?

In other news: The President has low approval ratings, The Pope is Catholic, and I am a homo.

Back to you in the studio Tyler and Christine!

How is that fun?

Work is sending me to lovely Pittsburgh next month for a conference, and the only thing I am looking forward to is getting the free miles from Continental, strutting throught the airport terminal to whatever "runway" music is playing on my iPod, and people watching while I am waiting for my flights. I have never been to Pittsburgh, and I do not know anyone that has been to Pittsburgh. The only thing I know is that it is was the setting of Queer as Folk, and that ain't saying much. Why can't it be in LA again like it was last year? Anyway, last year I rented a car to drive around LA, so that I could visit friends and do shopping instead of going to the conference like a good boy should. It also sucked because I was like 8 miles from the convention center, but I digress. So, I went with Hertz last year for my car and they gave me a lovely Toyota Solara to drive around. Not a bad car to drive. This year Hertz has introduced a line of cars they call the "Fun Collection". I saw the commercial and they showed cars like the new Pontiac Solstice among other sporty little numbers that I would drive if I had the money to purchase them. Upon further inspection, the "fun collection" is not really that fun at all. What kind of cars do they have listed? Well, I am glad you asked. I will tell you, and maybe I am being a snob about this, and to a person that lives in NYC and doesn't have a car these could be considered fun, but to a seasoned driver...NO. Here is the list of "fun": Mazda Miata (slightly fun, but too gay), Ford Escape XLT (not fun, SUV's are a dime a dozen in Texas, and I guess they think that by showing it in Yellow Dog Yellow it will look more appealing...no ma'am, talk to and then fire marketing immediately), Nissan 350Z (totally fun, would rent if my budget allowed it), PT Cruiser (lame, I have driven one of these when my car has been in the shop and it loses its novelty after about 10 minutes), Toyota Solara (I drove this last year, and it is not what I consider fun), Ford Mustang (I am not sure that this would be fun, but I will say that it could be), Chevy HHR (this is Chevy's Johnny come lately version of the PT Cruiser and is just as lame), the Nissan Murano (I would drive this, but I don't think it would be all that fun to drive around in), and the Hummer H3 (um, no...too much for gas makes this the least appealing of all the choices). Overall, that is not a fun collection. Most of those are the opposite of fun, and they don't even look fun. I actually think they added the tag "fun" on the cars to jack up their prices. One other thing, Hertz was the cheapest last year, and now they are the most expensive...what is that about? Guess I will be going with Enterprise this year, but I better not get a Focus (or a Neon)!

Can I get an F'ing cab?

That is one of my favorite lines from Sex and the City Season 4 when Samantha took a tab of X, fucked Richard, and couldn't get a cab the next morning as she did her walk of shame. Apparently Mischa Barton has a hard time getting a cab too. Maybe if she left her dog at home she wouldn't have a hard time. Oh the hard life of a starlet.

http://us.video.aol.com/video.index.adp?mode=1&pmmsid=1647475

5 things a man should NEVER wear...

After seeing Vinci wear a completely unacceptable outfit for International Male, I realized that there are some things that a man (gay or straight) should NEVER wear and should NEVER think about wearing. The only acceptable times any of these should be worn is if you are going to be using it as a Halloween costume or attending a themed party, you have gotten sloshed on a bottle of wine before going shopping and are trying to be funny. Photos courtesy of International Male and Undergear. I mean...really...while some of their stuff is more mainstream than it used to be, the rest is still god awful tacky. How do these companies stay in business and who is buying this stuff?

1. The Slashed Shirt

Silly me, I thought this was a woman's top. I mean...I think one of my actual girl friends has one of these in black. If I ever caught an eyeful of someone wearing this at the gym (as it is listed under activewear) I would piss my pants right there and would laugh so hard that I could skip my ab workout. Is this really safe workout attire anyway? Other sites have this as "day wear", but sweeties...unless you are co-starring in 'Nightmare On Elm Street 17: Clothes to Death' and our dear Freddy Kruger is the one who caused those slashes (and there better be blood dripping all over it) it would probably be a good idea to steer clear of this, because you are going to get laughed at...mkay?

2. The Velvet Lycra/Spandex Shirt with Sparkles

To me this top says...I am gay, BUT just because I am gay doesn't mean I can't be completely devoid of style. You might as well wear a sign that says "I am gay, please beat me up". If you don't want to wear that sign, at least do the rest of us fags a favor and wear a sign that says: "I do not, nor does my style represent any homo other than myself", because the rest of us do not want to be associated with someone that considers this daywear...or nightwear for that matter. I never really understood the appeal of wearing 95% lycra/spandex in anything other than biker's shorts. I mean, it doesn't seem like it would be that comfortable, and no matter how much you work out, by the end of a long night your gut isn't going to be taut and tight as it was when the night began. Thank youuuuu.

3. Pedal Pushers/Clam Diggers/Capri Pants/Flood Pants

Pedal Pushers, Coolats, High Waters, Clam Diggers, it doesn't matter what you call them, these are for the ladies. While fashion generally seems to be getting more ambiguous...avoid them. There are only a handful of men that can pull off this look, one of those being David Beckham. If you are not David, you should NOT be wearing these pants. Actually, we'll just say that no man should wear pants like this, unless they are in Europe. We call these "European". Shorts or pants...go with one or the other, because you don't need to be wearing these short pants. I am sort of disappointed because I ran across these at Nordstrom.com, and everyone knows how much I LOVE to shop at Nordstrom. Not all stores can choose perfect merchandise 100% of the time. I will let this one slide Nordstrom.com...this time.

4. Rufskin Jeans/Pornstache
The type of clientelle that would actually purchase these marvelous pants eludes me. I wonder if the model would actually wear these pants if he were not being paid to wear them? Where would you even wear something like this, and what occasion would make these appropriate? Don't answer that, because I already know the answer. Folsom Street Parade, or some other "wear as little as possible" festival. I mean...assless leather chaps are one thing, but assless denim?Even still...who, where, when? You might as well wear a sign that says "Big Ole Bottom", because that is essentially what these pants tell me, and they are none too subtle about it. Whatever happened to leaving something to the imagination? While we are bashing this particular ensemble, can I say that the mustache is AWFUL. 1972 called, as did Ron Burgundy and they both want their pornstache back...GET RID OF IT. Mustache's are NOT coming back. They are terrible, uncute, and they unnecessarily scratch up faces. Have you ever had road rash on your face after kissing a guy with a stiff beard? I have, and it ain't fun the next day having to explain why your face is all red, irritated and rashy looking. Not to mention it is slightly painful. MMMKAY!?!?!?

5. Pants made of flammable materials

What goes through the mind of someone that purchases these pants for something other than part of a costume for Halloween, Carnavale, a private party, etc. The guy wearing the pants is totally hot and I wonder what he would look like with shorter hair. I like shorter hair. I mean, I have actually seen men wear these pants in Houston, and while they are the kind of thing that gets people talking, it isn't in a good way. I literally had a belly laugh after the initial shock of seeing that someone actually had these on. Why not just dress up in foil, the foil is recyclable (although the pants probably are as well...you could probably melt them down into petroleum for your car), but the foil is probably easier to clean (although all you have to do with these is lay them out on the driveway and get after them with a water hose...assuming something actually stuck to them). Okay, maybe the pants are better than foil. I wonder if the pants could also be used to cover a caserole? Interesting quandry. I am sure they would be extremely helpful if you got stuck on a deserted island and needed something reflective to signal a plane overhead. So maybe purchasing these pants isn't a bad idea...they provide so many uses other than wearing them.

Poor L. Lo

I am not upset to say that I think Lindsay's singing career has come and gone, and not fast enough. While her first release "Rumors" was quite catchy and even became a theme song for me and my friend Brandon for our trip to DC Pride last year, it is done, she is done. I don't want to hear no more. Why am I talking about this? Well, I am glad that you asked because Miss Lohan's record label, Universal Music Group, is being sued for payola and has been fined $12 million. Sony has been fined $10 million and Warner Music Group was fined $5 million, all fined for shoving god awful music by Jessica Simpson, Ashlee Simpson (WHY IS SHE STILL AROUND?!?!?), Jennifer Lopez, Lindsay Lohan, and many other "acts".

From Foxnews.com:
"Take Lindsay Lohan. The teen actress was turned into a singer by Tommy Mottola, who made an interesting deal at Universal to start a label just for her. Mottola also managed Lohan, which no one questioned, and he claimed that UMG had put up $50 million to get the ball rolling. But Lohan is no singer, and no one, not even her movie fans, wanted her albums or to hear her on the radio. Nevertheless, the record company persisted. A series of e-mails in June 2005 shows what was happening — a manipulation of MTV’s “Total Request Live” show that airs every afternoon and can seriously affect a new record’s fortunes. UMG, according to Spitzer’s reports, was spending money at radio stations and for “TRL” to “stuff the ballot box” (my words) and turn losers into winners. The memo series is all about one subject: “We are hiring a request company starting Monday to jack TRL for Lindsay…Guys this is a no win situation how should I respond...there is no airplay we have been pursuing…”"

Go with what you know, stick to your talents: Acting, underage boozing, and whoring it up with every new "It" guy that turns the corner, because we do appreciate you for that...really we do.

8th & Ocean

I hate to admit falling into another trap of a pseudo-reality show on MTV, but I was hooked as soon as I heard the catchy opening tune "Beautiful Love" by Dallas' own The Afters. Not to mention all the pretty young things that the show revolves around. Although, if I were to see Irene Marie in a dark alley I would either completely freeze up and shit my pants or I would run screaming into the night letting it be known that the living dead had risen. She scares the hell out of me, and I think she is pulled so tight and/or botoxed up that she only has one facial expression and it is one of fright. Anyway, this show is full of the drama...especially between Kelly and Sabrina. Kelly takes evil twin to a whole new level in the cut throat biznazz of modeling. Sneaky backstabbing jealous bitch. Britt's Jesus talk is starting to wear thin with me. If she is afraid to get nasty, then she is in the wrong business. And then there is Vinci. I have no words, but he is not as cute as he thinks he is, his english is sometimes unintelligible, and his ego makes me want to vomit a little bit in my mouth. THEN, I came across some pictures of him modeling for International Male, Check out this swanky outfit. I thought: that is one of the gayest things I have ever seen. Why would he pose for that catalog...it is GAY GAY GAY. Then I realized, Irene Marie is located in Miami, and I think 98% of International Male's customers are probably located in Miami. It is just all so cheesy and bad, and while I will admit some of their T-shirts 'aren't that bad', those t-shirts are a more recent thing (and I hate admitting that I know that, but we have ALL been making fun of their clothes for years, ever since we first came out and mistakenly thought all gay men dressed like this), but who has kept this company in business all these years? I suppose I will never know, but kudos to them. Watch 8th & Ocean...I have no idea when it is on, but they repeat the episodes all the time on MTV. My next pseudo reality obsession? The Hills...loved LC over Kristen on the original Laguna Beach. Lauren is much hotter.

The Devil Wears Prada

I don't know about anyone else, but I am almost so excited about this movie that I could just spit. I am sure that most people aren't as excited about it as I am, but I like clothes, fashion, shoes, etc. A LOT more than most of my friends. Click here to see bits and pieces of the movie.

Happy Mother's Day

To all the underappreciated and overworked mom's out there. We love you and appreciate all you do, despite not telling you often enough. Now, for your entertainment a short video. For those who know me and my family, can you tell which one is me and which one is my brother?

Popular

In my opinion, this is undoubtedly one of THE BEST shows that was ever on tv. It was written by Ryan Murphy, the mastermind behind Nip/Tuck. It is SO funny. It was only on for two seasons, but I vivdly remember watching it when it originally aired on The WB back in 2000-2001. I was very upset when they cancelled it, and I never found out what happened to all the players. Seasons 1 & 2 are both out on DVD now...you should definetly check them out. Below is a clip of one of my favorite characters "Mary Cherry" and "Adam Rothchild Ryan" played by Wentworth Miller, currently of "Prison Break" fame. The second clip is from a show in which a shop teacher wanted to get a sex change and Nicole and Mary Cherry give him makeup tips. Enjoy!

You might think you are hot, but I beg to differ Vol 1

Okay, today's post begins a new type of entry called "You might think you are hot...". Sometimes, I find Myspace, Friendster, Connexion, and all the other "social networking" sites to be a little bit retarted. Of course, I am a member of three, but have I met anyone? No, I think I am considered more an "asset" in someone's collection of "friends". I will admit that they are quite addictive, and there is a lot of stuff out there to see. It is people watching in the digital age, except you can't make fun of the way they talk or walk because you can't hear or see them in person. At any rate, there seem to be A LOT of narcissistic individuals out there who, for whatever reason think they are the cat's meow. I beg to differ on most of them. Honestly, if you are going to have professional pictures taken of yourself, then please, just be a model. If that is what you want to do, DO IT. Don't take pictures of yourself, just to plaster them all over your myspace thinking you are SO pretty, because NO. Before I continue, I will also say that I am not hot. I do not look in the mirror every morning and think..."DAMN you are one fine man". I have hangups about my appearance, always have, probably always will. I know that I am not a horridly ugly beast, but I am also not one to strut around like I am "cock of the walk". I workout 4X a week to stay in shape for myself, NOT to please everyone else. Okay...that is a little bit of a lie. I also do it for the vanity of it. Back to the story, may I present to you Bobby from Myspace. Bobby is not hot to me. Bobby also has himself all over the place on his Myspace. Granted, that is the purpose of Myspace, but damnit...there is a fine line between being tasteful and being over the top. Bobby is the latter. He even has a picture of himself "floating" in the background of his profile (BARF). You ain't no model, you ain't even a pretty boy (in my best Texas accent).

So, where to begin. I am getting the impression from the first picture that someone told him that he resembled Ryan Phillipe circa "Cruel Intentions", because he is doing some crazy ass pose that Sebastian might have done to entice his virgin prey Annette. Sorry, but the look isn't working, and you are no Ryan Phillipe. Shame on your momma for telling you a fib, while we are at it Santa Claus and the Toothfairy are not real. Picture number 2 makes me wonder if he took an iron to his lips or if he, at 30, has the same collagen injecting plastic surgeon as Melanie Griffith, and does he go to the same tanning salon as George Hamilton? Fried and pouty doesn't do much for me. The airbrushing on the face isn't quality work either...you might want to talk to your photographer. Picture 3 would have garnered an 'honorable mention' at the county beauty pageant, but he had to go and pout some more and go with the gaunt, but I promise I am not seeing Tina, cheek suck in. Is it just me, or do his pecs just look like a continuation of his abs? Take the shirt off please, it doesn't make your pecs look any better. I am not really sure what is going on in Picture 4, becuase that outfit looks shockingly similar to a dress that Debra Messing wore on an episode of W&G when Josh was taking Grace to the symphony, and it looked like a big jacket. And is he wearing pink lipstick, because if he is I hop it is MAC. Clearly not the most masculine thing. He sort of looks like the guy who plays "Mouth" on One Tree Hill. If I knew what the kid's name is, I would put a picture of him up here. I will give him this...he has good eye color, but they are probably contacts. I have seen enough.

Dixie Chicks

I am one of those people that is shouting the words "I am SO glad the Dixie Chicks are back!". I have missed them in their abscence. I love that these women are not afraid to say what they want to say and even less afraid to put their words into lyrics and sing them to the world. Typically I am not a fan of the celebrities that are political, but I make an exception for this trio. They are a gay favorite, and they love their gay fans, which probably makes a difference. In their first single 'Not Ready To Make Nice' they are responding to the backlash they got several years ago when they made their feelings of GWB known. Of course, with an approval rating of 32%, I think most of America now agrees with them. Anyway, upon listening closely to the lyrics of this song, I have realized that most of the words can be used in a situation where someone has been wronged by someone they trusted. God knows I have felt that way several times in my life towards someone I thought was my friend, or someone that loved me enough not to hurt me in an impossibly painful way. The lyrics that stand out the most to me:

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

I’m through with doubt
There’s nothing left for me to figure out
I’ve paid a price
And I’ll keep paying

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell andI don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

There are just times in life when "making nice" is not an option, and could possibly never be. Time does heal wounds, it just takes some wounds A LOT longer to heal than others. And the problem is that it is much harder to forget sometimes, and can hinder truly forgiving someone. Then you put yourself in a position where you live a life that is closed off and protected from the world so that you never have to doubt another person again. Ahh...life. Fuck making lemonade when it gives you lemons. Just pick them up and throw them at the fucker that gave them to you. That'll teach 'em.

I LOVE Technology...

when it works. Otherwise I HATE it, and I am usually HATING on it at work. I am about ready to unleash some anger on one of my work computers just like this:


Don't even ask why, because it will take too long to explain and it will just make me more angry.

A lethal combination

So, my weekend was a blur. I had fun all weekend. Saturday, I made my way to Eeyore's Birthday at Pease Park with Joezay, Fatt, and Jonathan for a day of sweltering heat and ice cold beer. The weather was predicted to be gross, but it cleared out and it was actually quite a gorgeous day. There was a ton of people watching, a drum circle, and beer. There was a man there that was painted all silver. Joezay said that he is a regular who has become a fixture. He didn't really do a whole lot for me with his sagging flesh and well...do I need to say anything else?

However...had he looked like these two with the silver paint slathered all over his body, he would have done a lot for me. One time.

We made a fruit loop around the park until we came upon this sesspool of disease.....

Okay, I am all for splish splashing in the water and having a good ole' time, but that water has to be completely chlorinated, enclosed in a concrete bowl, and not left over rain water that is teaming with ecoli. Kids were just rolling around in this mess like it was no big thing. I guess that is the benefit of youth...you don't have OCD about germs and filth...but their parents should. UGH, I am grossed out thinking about it. After walking around a bit, and drinking the heaviest "light" beer I have ever had, the craziness began. Fatt, Joezay, and I could not stop making fun of people and laughing. There was this one guy that looked like he had the ugly stick worn out on his face. I wish I had a picture of him, because he was UGLY. For some reason, I can't post the other pics from the festival.

Moving on...I have figured out that TrimSpa and alcohol can be a "deadly" combination. I use the word "deadly" very lightly, as I am still alive and it was actually my behavior was more funny than anything. Before anyone says anything...yes I know I am skinny and do not scream the question "WHY ARE YOU TAKING TRIMSPA?" at me. It was a one time thing because I needed an energy boost after drinking beer all day in the hot sun. Fatt said it would okay, because he used it at work the previous day. I popped two pills, drank a glass of water and waited for the magic to happen. 30 minutes later I was bouncing off the walls like a rubber ball. I was happy go lucky and just sailing away. My friends enjoyed watching my antics play out. I flitted around like a butterfly and spoke to all kinds of people that I wouldn't normally just walk up and talk to. It was a good time, but all good times must come to an end, and around 5am I crashed and was exhausted the next day, but that didn't stop me from going to the lake where I called someone out that was like, "oh, it's nice to meet you". My reply, "We have met. Once at the Thanksgiving party, and I hung out on your boat a whole day last year at Last Splash. We talked about what you do for a living and you even gave me your card...thanks." "Sorry about that" was the reply. No problem, that is why I am here...to remind you. Then the weekend came to a close, and I came back to work to a virus infected computer that won't show my desktop. If anyone knows how to fix this problem...please call me or leave a comment. The error said "Winlogon.exe error. Please close" or something to that effect.

One other sidenote that I just want to throw out there. I didn't know whether to be sad, concerned, or laugh when I ran into someone I used to date and he looked like a homeless person that has been hanging out with "Tina" and looks to have spent a couple of nights sleeping with her in a dumpster. I wanted to tell him that he looked a wreck and that it might do some good to start saying 'no' to drugs and 'yes' to food, or if he is not on drugs, then he needs to eat and get his skinny ass to the gym, because the emaciated heroine chic look is OUT, and healthy habits of eating and staying in shape are the new black, and if he is trying to obtain a twinkish look, like many of his very young friends have, then he is well on his way. Although at 30, a man should not have the body of a 18 year old. It is kind of gross and unnatural, unless it is for a circus act. I suppose my lack of consideration or the fact that I don't care kept me from saying anything. Then again, the TrimSpa did give me a touch of the ADD so I was probably already focused on something else before I could say anything. Oh well, Merry Crystalmethmus! Say "hi" to Whitney for me when you run into the "snow bank" outside the crackhouse.