SOOOOO Glam it hurts

Remember Glam Rock? (I don't either)

Introducing: Glam Remix

If you ever wondered what a whole bottle of bronzer would do to you, or why you should never highlight your own tips...now you know. Pair that with the delicious pink flavored "Bait Lip Glass" and "Idol Eyes" from the Lure Eyes collection from MAC, and you are ready for a rockin...er...remixin good time. What a hot mess these three must be, considering they are probably going to look 60 by the time they are 30. Nothing is hotter than a haggard looking 30 year old that has more treads on his tires than an entire Goodyear plant. I mean really...do these three really think they are cute? THANK GOD none of my friends are like this...except when they getting ready for Halloween...or are completely obliterated drunk on a Friday night. I have imagined what a conversation between these three would sound like:

Robert (pronounced Ro-bear): John, your mom did a phenom job on your highlights, she got it to white trash perfection. Your natural color is completely non-existant and your dark roots are flawless...they are SO SJP circa the second season of Sex just before she became my fashion icon, and your tips are just the most perfect shade of Heppy B that I have ever seen!
John: OMG, didn't that old man that used to buy you things from Neiman's have that?
Robert: Um...yeah, but I don't mean old Heppy B, I mean fresh young Heppy B.
John: Phew, thanks Robert, my mom is totally fabu. She used to have a beauty shop until Supercuts ran her out of business with their classically trained stylists. Ever since then she has had to give half price dye jobs and cuts out of the back of her Hyundai, but she makes up for the price cut by selling bootleg CD's that I burn for her. The gays love her. She wanted to come tonight but my sister Manda has mono. BTW, your tan...flawless!
Robert: Thanks J-Gay...it is Neutrogena mist. I saw Mischa Barton on a Neutrogena commercial and ran out and got it pronto. I gots to support my girl Marissa now that she has been run off The OC. Can I get a moment of silence...R.I.P. Coop. Wait...mono? Your sister is like 2 years old and she is already a slut...because I heard you can only get that from kissing people.
Maxwell: Gurls, Gurls, can we please not bring down the energy? All this talk of defectious diseases is bringing me down, and I don't want to cry because it will smudge my smokey bedroom eyes. BTW, I am SO bringing back friendship bracelets tonight. They are WAY better than those fundraising bracelets that all those other people are wearing. Friendship bracelets are the new "must have" of this season, and you are going to help me, because when they see us wearing them, all will want one.
Robert: Maxy, you are SO cutting edge, with your vintage accessories and I LOVE how that base covers all your acne scars. How do you manage to continually outdo yourself?
Maxwell: That is the nicest thing you have said to me in the last hour RoRo. A gurl's gotta do what she's gotta do to look phenom ya'll. It is hard staying ahead of the curve, but it SO pays off...remember when I brought back jean shorts that one night?
John: OMG, I SO remember that. Remember how the next weekend that one old man was totally wearing the jean shorts that were not like yours at all, but they were still jean shorts. He was so lucky that you graced him with your prescence, and even better you retired that look before everyone else was doing it. Genius.
Maxwell: Sometimes it is hard being so glamorous and celebrity-like.
John & Robert: OMG...totally!

And can we talk about what is hanging on the wall in the background? It looks like the fucking wall decor section at TJ Maxx threw up all over the wall. Are those fun house mirrors, because I don't think they realize they look like jackasses. What is that tile looking sun dial, and where can I get one for my house?