Out of the office

Hey kiddos, if you are wondering about the lack of updates, I have been in GIS training classes all week to learn new stuff that I will probably never use and have had very limited access to the internet and websites that don't show up as "blocked sites", and by the time I get done in the afternoons, go to Gold's Gym, go to Salon Grand Re-Openings, and grab some food I am exhausted and just want to fall into bed and sleep (I feel SO old). At any rate, posts will begin again next Tuesday, barring any EXCITING or CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT IT news. Have a good weekend!

Music Video of the Day

LOL, never this video from my high school days. How can Michelle Pfeifer NOT bust out in hysterical laughter while Coolio sings to her in the dark? What an actress.

Gangsta's Paradise - Coolio

You Know What I Hate?

I really hate it when people who clearly have NO disability use handicap placards to get a close parking space because they are fat and lazy. Recently I witnessed a Giddings Elementary School teacher, who may actually be retired now, doing this. She pulls up and parks her big ole Suburban in the handicapped spot and proceeds to place the placard on the rear view mirror, slides out of her car and hops down onto the ground, and then walks perfectly into the building. NEVERMIND the fact that the non handicap parking spot only increases her walk by about five feet, but we would all be in agreement that she could use the calorie burn. All the while this is happening, I am trying to figure out what exactly her handicap is...you know other than her complete lack of fashion sense...HUN, the homemade country gal t-shirts adorned with puffy paint and ribbons and extra buttons glued on them were not even cute back in 1987 when they were considered "rural fashion" and they sure as hell aren't cute in 2007, nor are you high enough on the social scale to even try to attempt to bring them back. Also...stirrup pants with socks pulled over them at the bottom...really? Oh and can we not forget the dirty Keds. I mean...the least she can do is take her big ole butt to Target and get some affordable but cute fashions. Someone told me that she had her knees replaced, and I kind of was like..."oh...really? When?" The answer was..."like two years ago". REALLY!?!?!?!?!? So bitch IS just fat and lazy. I can understand needing the little blue guy hanging from her mirror for the duration of and a tiny bit following her rehabilitation back into society as an upright homosapien that can put one foot in front of the other, but apparently she feels the need to extend that time, for all of saving her five feet. Meanwhile I have a friend whose mother also had her knees or hips replaced and had to use a walker, but did she park in the handicap spot...HELL NO. She walked the extra five feet. Then again, the faker and her husband both seem to be morally and ethically bankrupt so I guess it is to be expected. I only wish she would get caught...you know, like those people that claim disability and workers' comp only to be tailed by a P.I. and roasted like a peanut on camera.

HOT!

My favorite 2xist model is Dominic Figlio. He is the last model shown in the clip carrying the soccer ball wearing the blue briefs. SO HOT!

Music Video of the Day

We are flashing back all the way to 1980-something with Only In My Dreams - Debbie Gibson. Love the fashions...a a skirt made of tool with tights under it...GO FASHIONS!



As real as it may seem...she was only in my dreams. I was SO gay.

The Not So News

- Anna Nicole died of an "accidental" overdose. We all knew THAT was coming. [breitbart]

- Some department store has ads that seem to be marketing to older men who like to keep the company of younger boys. They call it "Fathers & Sons", but that isn't what the pictures are saying to me. Ahh...to be young again. My question is, why did they have to pick an unattractive twink? Then again, I am not aware that there is such a thing as an attractive twink. You be the judge. [plasticbag]

- Donatella Versace upstages Elton John at HIS 60th birthday by almost crashing to her face. [dlisted]

- Leave it to one of my home state of Texas' senators to come up with an ill conceived "you have got to be f'ing kidding me" idea of paying dumb skanky slutty hos $500 to carry their baby to term and then hand it over to the state, but to make sure that the illegals don't cash in on this, you must be a United States citizen AND a Texas resident. Who is electing these damn fools? What a jackass. I mean...really?!?!?!?!? [huffingtonpost]

- And speaking of ill conceived ideas, I present to you "Black Sheep"

Thank you and goodnight!

Peyton Manning has a gross body

I drunkenly caught a clip on an episode of SNL that was being hosted by Peyton Manning that was poking fun at 300, which I haven't seen. When I saw Peyton Manning's body I wanted to barf. Here is the clip:



You know, I was clearly wrong in my notion that football players have good bodies, because Peyton Manning has the most underdeveloped chest I have ever seen in my life for a pro athlete. It is almost concave. I mean...it is gross and there is no reason for him to have his shirt off on national television on a show watched by millions (is it still millions?). His face isn't that cute either.

You know what I hate?

I hate when I have had a blemish free face for literally a couple of months and then all of a sudden BAM! I get a huge zit on my cheek that I can see with my peripheral vision. HATE THAT!

Music Video of the Day (for Chicken Farmer)

I am not a HUGE fan of this video, because they could have totally done something SUPER cute with the lyrics, but I digress. This is for Chicken Farmer who likes to get his groove on.

Scrubs - TLC

Score some Coke in NYC

I mean...like it says "any bar can be a coke bar with the right determination and inclination", but apparently some places in NYC offer a better chance of scoring a line off the toilet seat than others. Personally, I don't do the stuff...never have, but I do have friends that partake on occasion and if anyone else that reads this is planning a trip to NYC in the future and does like a bump or even a line then just click here to check out the list and their accommodations. Unfortunately, they left off ALL gay bars, because we ALL know that is where all the hot girls go to powder their noses. [gridskipper]

Another one goes to Rehab

Is this like the "in" thing to do these days? When did life go from having an "IT" bag to being at an "IT" rehab facility? The latest to fall to his vices is Jesse Metcalfe, who's days of being the hunk on Wisteria Lane came to a crashing halt a couple years ago, and then did some movie that probably should have just gone straight to DVD because nobody saw it, has checked himself into rehab at an undisclosed facility. You may or may not know that Mr. Metcalfe was thrown out of and refused admittance to some hotel somewhere after he tore up a hotel room.

From his rep (and what it should actually read): "On Monday, March 19, Jesse Metcalfe entered a rehab facility to deal with alcohol issues. He realized he had a problem (not getting a steady paycheck) and was anxious to deal with it (make some headlines because he hasn't done that in like two years) immediately. The actor, best known as the hunky gardener on the ABC show 'Desperate Housewives' and the star of the film 'John Tucker Must Die,'(straight to DVD) hopes that the media will allow him the privacy (find out where he is staying and get plenty of money shots) to deal properly with his treatment."

First off, I LOVE how they have to remind everyone who Jesse Metcalfe is. Second, call me jaded or cynical or something else altogether, but I think it is all a bunch of BULLSHIT and I also think the best way for a celebrity to be allowed to "deal properly" is by not telling the world about what they are doing. The fact that his rep had to let the world know about him going to rehab and that he wants privacy makes me question whether or not he is actually in rehab. The Hollywood PR machine is clearly as big a mess as the stars it promotes. We have not heard ANYTHING about Jesse in FOREVER...because...well, nobody gives a rat's ass about him anymore, and then BAM! he goes to rehab. I mean...really. Now EVERY razzi and reporter will be hunting his ass down and I am going to have to endure Mary Hart's frowny dinosaur face while she talks about his hardships and blah blah blah on ET for the next two weeks. Then they will have to do a followup with Mark Steines, because there isn't much left for him to do now that Anna Nicole's mess is FINALLY winding down. Rehab my ass, sounds like a not so clever, already been done to death publicity scheme...take a verse from Amy Winehouse..."they tried to make me go to rehab, I said no no no", because sometimes life is SO much better with booze, lots and lots of booze. PS - are those titties about a B cup?

[pagesix]

Designing Women

I LOVED this show when I was younger and then again when I caught it in reruns on Lifetime. Thanks to my friend Krintine for reminding me that some of the funny moments are on YouTube.

Pearls in the salad bar. I LOVE how the lettuce just flies uncontrollably.


The South shall rise again. "Overflowing rubber thongs"


Old Rebels

Music Video of the Day

One Moment More - Mindy Smith

Just Asking

WHICH socialite was conspicuously absent from the front row during Fashion Week because she was in rehab? The bride-to-be went to a "special spa" to conquer her cocaine habit before the wedding .

- I don't know nothing about socialites getting married.

WHICH celebrity mom joins her daughter in snorting lines of cocaine?

- DUH, Dina Lohan does!

WHICH soulful singer is bulimic? Friends are concerned the stress of having a new album is causing her to throw up her meals .

- Joss Stone?

WHICH funnyman is having an affair? His wife doesn't mind - she's got her money and her status to keep her company.

- Hell if I know.

[pagesix]

6,000 hits

I have been busy the last several days and have not had any time to update the blog or look at the latest stats, but I hit the 6,000 visitors mark on Saturday by someone in Fredericksburg, TX. THEEENKS!

Music Video of the Day

Classic J.LO! If You Had My Love - Jennifer Lopez

YIKES!

Does it disturb anyone else that Robin Antin is the woman responsible for the Pussycat Dolls? She either forgot to take her monstrous Halloween mask off, or she has the worst plastic surgeon EVER (Dr. 90210 maybe?)!!!! I can't even tell what age she is pretending to be, much less what age she actually is. Of course, this probably explains why the PCD's look like they do most of the time. SCARY!
I think maybe she should have let the Dr. keep some of the collagen and let her brother (Jonathan Antin of 'Blowout') borrow some of it to fill in his gay face.

Music Video of the Day

Here in the states we don't hear much about the Spice Girls and their solo careers except every once in a great while. Apparently, all the bitches have pretty good careers in Europe...except Posh, but when you are married to DB, who really needs a career? Melanie C has always been my favorite...you know...with her Lesbotron-esque looks. PS, she isn't a lesbian.
Next Best Superstar - Melanie C

We Totally Need these at Rain...

I mean...who is snorting Coke off a toilet seat? That is nasty, and can you imagine everything else you would be snorting off that toilet seat...someone's leftover dookie. Then again...anyone that is gonna resort to sitting down in piss puddles and snorting Coke off a urine soaked toilet seat at Rain probably has bigger problems they need to work on. But what a fun commercial.

Couldn't you offer a money back guarantee and a blender?

I watch Boston Legal on a semi-regular basis. Not since Ally McBeal have I loved a law show so much. This little clip is from a "we can cure your gayness" episode.

Music Video of the Day

And It Feels Like - Leann Rimes

The Not So News

- Yes...because getting your initials tattooed on your "girlfriend's" wrist will totally stop her from cheating...especially if her name is Kristen Cavallari and she is going to Miami for spring break without you. I just hope a bigger star like...say...Urkel isn't down there, because I have a feeling all it would take is just a little more star power for her to cheat. [pagesix]

- Madonna to make a guest appearance on Nip/Tuck next season. Ryan Murphy, the genius behind the show and my all time favorite show Popular, wants to pen a role opposite of gal pal Rosie O'Donnell. Also possibly making cameos are Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock. [contactmusic]

- Oh Elisha Cuthbert...do you NOT read the tabloids or watch ET? Why oh why are you hanging out with Paris Hilton? HELLO! You know she only needs a ride so she doesn't end up in jail for driving with a suspended license again, and nobody else was in town to pick her up. Isn't this ho old enough to afford a chauffeur, or has work gotten so slow for Elisha that she had to take up a part time job carting Hilton around? [flynet]

- Rosie will be sitting pretty for another year on The View. Rosie has signed on for another year, after helping to add 75,000 viewers a week. [pagesix]

All Bald Up Does NOT recommend

In an effort to build bigger muscles and satisfy my inflamed Body Dysmorphic Disorder, I have begun eating more protein to satisfy the voracious appetite my muscles have attained in order to get bigger. Part of that diet includes snacking on a protein bar during the day (which BTW, I am STILL hungry after I have eaten it). I have tried several kinds, and I have yet to find one that is tastey and delicious. Today I sunk my teeth into what I thought would be delicious, but clearly was more a ill conceived good idea in theory. I bit into Balance Bar's "cookie dough" protein bar and nearly borched. First of all I thought...OMG, I LOVE Blue Bell's Cookie Dough Ice Cream, but quickly realized that the taste of one does not translate to the other. It was nothing but a gritty sandy mess in my mouth. I felt like my teeth were being sandblown into nothingness, and we all know what it is like to have sand in our mouths...it is the opposite of pleasant. The best, however, was yet to come when I finally got the gritty mess down...because Charlie isn't gonna throw away a $2 protein bar especially when he is starving. After I finished the chocolate covered sand paper I started to taste pennies. The after taste was that of metal. I thought...am I having a stroke...shouldn't I smell burnt toast too? Should I pull over and call 9-1-1? Luckily, the after taste didn't last that long, but it is still faint on my tastebuds, and I have no mints to bring a freshness to my tongue. THANK GOD lunch is in like 15 minutes. Tomorrow's taste: yogurt honey peanut, which I am sure will probably taste nothing like its name.

Salma Hayek engaged AND pregnant

...and the guy/baby daddy is some business man named Francois-Henri Pinault.

"Businessman, François-Henri Pinault, and his fiancée, Salma Hayek, are happy to announce they are expecting the arrival of their first child," Hayek's rep confirmed in a statement Friday.

The pair have kept a relatively low profile since their relationship began – though Hayek, 40, has joined Pinault for occasional public events, including one in October at the festivities surrounding the inauguration of the Pinault Foundation's Modern Art collection in Venice's Gritti Palace.

Pinault is the CEO of luxury goods firm PPR, which owns Gucci and Yves Saint Laurent, as well as a French department store and national music chain. "

Congratulations to the couple. Who knew, and is it just me or does he look like Kevin Spacey? Geez...just think of all the Gucci homegirl is gonna be sporting. [people]

Even in commercials...she still can't act

This commercial is just kinda...huh? Although I was startled by the whip smack on the table. HOT!

Is this really news?

Why is this woman, E.D. Hill, talking about Hilary's sudden "southern" accent? Is this what Fox News calls news? I mean...really. Take a listen to the clip:



First of all, that is THE worst southern accent I have ever heard in my life. She sounds like one of those text to speech programs on the internet. I mean, she is NO Mary Cherry ya'll.



Furthermore, the fact that Hilary Clinton is trying to talk in a southern accent is very insulting to me as a southerner and she needs to go ahead and quit okay. And really...the fact that what's her name would ask a dumbass question like..."how will she talk in front of a GLAAD audience or a black audience...would she talk by saying things like "homey"?" is pretty stupid in itself. Where do they find these people?

What in Gay Hell?

I am at a loss. I just really cannot decide what the worst part about this picture is. The hair that is obviously thinning and looks even thinner when greasy, the super gay clothes, or the fact that there are three of them. ACK!

Reese & Jake the new couple?

OK! Magazine is reporting on the creation of Hollywood's newest couple...Reese Witherspoon & Jake Gyllenhaal:

"Reese spent the weekend in the Big Apple getting even better acquainted with Zodiac star Jake. The single actress visited Jake’s Greenwich Village penthouse on March 1. He returned the favor the next day, stopping by The Mandarin Oriental hotel in Midtown Manhattan to see Reese."

As much as I would love good ole' Jake to be a homo...he would make a totally cute couple with Reese, and I would approve, because Reese has NEVER looked better than she does right now. [okmagazine]

Page Six Discussion

- Isaiah Washington may have just fagged himself out of a salary windfall. Seems his foul mouth and diva antics are keeping him from cashing in on a hefty payday that could have been but will probably never be. If they won't fire him, then hitting his pocketbook is the next best thing...I guess. Although he makes more per episode than I will make in a year, so I get very little satisfaction from that. [pagesix]

- Poor Katies Holmes. I bet she never gets a single solitary moment alone and away from her bat shit crazy husband Tommy. Seems he has made it known to producers of her new film "Mad Money" that he will be on set everyday. I bet this loon watches her take baths and even washes her hair for her while she is in the tub. Makes me think that maybe she has tried to escape, but he is having none of it. PS - There will be no sex scenes in this movie, and dumb slag gave up her role in the Batman prequels because there was supposed to be a sex scene with the ULTRA HOT Christian Bale. [pagesix]

- Star Jones is back and she is a "lawyer". [pagesix]

- Not to be outslutted by her older dumbass sister, Ashlee Simpson was working her koochie at Le Deux this weekend. When she got shot down by Ryan Phillipe, she moved on to Chad Hugo from the Neptunes and eventually left with him. First off, if you are trying to boost your profile, aren't you supposed to leave with someone that at least 75% of normal people know? I have never heard of this Chad person nor the Neptunes. Papa Joe is not going to be happy with lil' Ash, because she is clearly not mirroring big sis's career and lovelife moves by shadowing a someone who might be a homo. [pagesix]

- Jared Leto is mending a broken nose, a broken foot, and a broken ego. Seems his band, 30 Seconds to Mars, was playing in El Paso when he decided to do a stage leap into the crowd and not one soul tried to catch him and then they stepped on him. A witness at the concert said they were given no warning, and Leto's camp says the fans rushed the stage. You know...I am thinking he jumped into the crowd. How sad for him that people just let him fall to the ground. It reminds me when Gretchen Weiners (Mean Girls) thought apologizing for being so popular was the way to make all her wrongs right. I would totally point at him and laugh. What a dumbass. Speaking of Jared Leto, check out these before and after fat/skinny pictures of him for his last movie. GROSS! [pagesix]

Music Video of the Day

Over It - Katharine McPhee

Missed Connection - M4M

*BARF*

to my KICK ASS BOYFRIEND - m4m - 30

me 30 years old, you 27 years old. We met almost a year ago in the gym/pool. We then hung out in the hot tub, the shower, then back to your place..... here we are a year later. What a long way we have come in just one year.I love you so much. Sorry we have had a "missed connection" of our own lately. We will make up for it tonight after you get home from school. Good luck with your day tomorrow, I know Tuesday is your long, touch day. Sleep well, I love you tons. your man

What is it? That is all I got....what is it? Is this really necessary? And where was gym staff on the day they met? Surely, someone noticed two homos hanging out in the pool, then the hot tub, then the shower, before they left to take it behind closed doors...that is unless it was at Midtowne Spa....GROSS!

A Dog After My Own Heart

Rachael Ray was attacked by a dog in Union Square Park (in NYC?) on Saturday while she was walking her dog and I couldn't laugh harder. After trying to shoo the dog away, it came back with a vengence and attacked her dog Isaboo and when Rachael went to save her dog, the stray bit her on the leg. All I have to say is GOOD FOR THAT DOG! How genius it was to go after her dog as a cover to get to her. I feel like the scenario was this...Rachael was walking along flapping her yap spewing that annoying voice of hers and saying "EVOO" over and over again and the dog, traumataized by hours and hours of its owner making it listen to her, immediately recognized it a good mile away and SNAPPED. The dog probably then went into a rage blackout driven by the need to end its own suffering by taking a chunk out her leg and causing her to bleed to death. I know that is probably what would happen to me if I ever came across her. I just wish it could have reached down her throat and ripped out that voice box of hers. Then again, possibly being infected with rabies is something. I can't tell you how many celebrities there are that I wish more dogs would bite the hell out of them. Now I can scratch Rachael Ray off the list: Beyonce, Katie Couric, Robin Roberts, Cammy D, Rachael Ray, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Richie (can you imagine...it would just rip her boney leg right off), Taylor Hicks, Jessica Simpson, Joe Simpson, Ashlee Simpson, Britney Spears....should I continue? PS - Don't get me wrong, because I don't thoroughly dislike EVERYONE on that list. I am just tired of most of their overexposure. [pagesix]

Why Don't I Have My Own TV Show?

I am glad you asked, because it seems ABC thinks a show based on the GEICO cavemen would be a better idea.

Naturally, the show will be called "Cavemen" and will follow the lives of the cavemen as they live their life as thirtysomethings in modern day Atlanta. Total winner! Kudos! This show is going to be HUGE! This idea is not ill-conceived at all. [abc]

The Not So News

- Djimon Hounsou was seen shoving his tongue down the very tranny-esque Kimora Lee Simmons at a party for Emmy award winning Forest Whitaker, and ended up leaving together. My question is...would you make out with this, and if not, then why would anyone else? She is a monster. If you don't know what he looks like, click the source link and you will recognize the picture on Page Six. [pagesix]

- Seems Lissy Hasselback's days on The View are numbered after Rosie went off on her on Wednesday's show. Rosie told Lissy she was wrong in her opinion of the Patriot Act and then Lissy accused her of being ageist. Whatever. Lissy is ignorant and nobody likes her. NOBODY. Honestly, does she need to cry? Get a thicker skin and a backbone you silly twat. It also says she is looking for a permanent position at E!, which would be fitting for her. She can head on over and hang out with "I'm Not Gay" Seacrest in his closet, talk about her conservative views while he braids her hair, and tries to tempt him into a game of Seven Minutes in Heaven. I would hate to see what her parents are like. [pagesix]

Beware Homosexuals

Never this PSA. Like old ladies at casinos in Vegas...they are lurking.


OLD Homosexual Warning Video - Amazing videos are here