You Are Extremely Elegant

This is hilarious! Dimitri sounds like a super fantastic catch and I can't figure out why Olga hasn't called him back, but I am glad that his combined 20 minute messages have been posted to the internet, because it is GOLD!!! He doesn't play games like on stupid TV shows, but he will grant you this...

My favorite quotes include:

"You can erase my number if I don't hear from you by 3PM Thursday."

"I am great in bed."

"Maybe your mom has cancer and you are taking her to chemo."

"If you are psychologically normal and you haven't called me because of some horrible event that has happened in your life that's fine."

He reminds me of this tool that used to run around Austin telling people that he is "a great catch", but for reasons uknown to any of us, he couldn't keep a boyfriend for longer than a week. Call me...you know...only if some crazy emergency hasn't happened.

I Can't Afford It

If there is one thing I can't stand about the industry of student housing it is these bitches that come through complaining about the price of some of THE best apartments in West Campus with a $400 Coach bag on their arm and a pair of $350 RayBan sunglasses covering their fugly mugs. PS...whoever did the highlights in her hair needs to check their color wheel because gray and blonde are NOT the same thing Mizz Thang...ooookaaaaay!

I am SO gonna give you up...

Remember that hot ass Rick Astley and his super hot ass song Never Gonna Give You Up? I do, because I tried many Many MANY times to record that damn song to cassette from the radio without it getting cut short by a DJ talking or have interference from some dumbass that couldn't keep their mouth shut in the background after I hit record. Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later, but did it have to be "He said, she said" singer Ashley Tisdale? Did it really? Have a listen at the casio keyboard circa 1986 sound effects as homeskillet tries to put a "modern" spin on this formerly hot ass song...prepare your ears to bleed just a little bit.

A-List? Really?

All kinds of gossip is flowing about the Kathy Griffin hosted Bravo A-List awards. The tidbits trickling out about the rivalry between The Real Housewives of Orange County and The Real Housewives of New York City. OC Housewife was heard being snarky about NYC's husbands saying "I hope their boyfriends are MUCH hotter than their husbands." Self proclaimed MILF, Tamra made it known that there is not competition between her and NYC's Alex spouting off, "I have the hot Simon; she has the gay Simon. Eww - he's so creepy!" I would agree with her. Alex and her husband Simon are living in some sort of world of make believe, because anyone that would accept his grody ass in any kind of social circle must be blind, and can we talk about her ratted wirey hair? They are both just nasty...and their house? If they had any kind of money, they would not be choosing the bed linens featured on page 22 of the JCPenney Home Collections Catalog. I won't even talk about the window units jutting out their windows. There is however one part that kind of pissed me off and just proves my view point about her...The California girls also had a big laugh over our recent report that Ramona Singer threw a gift-lounge tantrum after she was refused four free pairs of Luxottica sunglasses. "Honey, we don't have to beg. We have the money to buy!" laughed Lauri Waring. "Isn't that kind of the point?" Mmmmkay...I love her zing, but this just reinforces my opinion that this plastic surgery "enhanced" monster is a gold digger. Remember when she was living in the poor house and then married that rich ass mofo? I do, because it is all she could talk about that he helped put her back into a lifestyle that she was previously accustomed to. Bitch. [nypost]

Fill 'er Up.

Dear Fergie & Cammy D,

Both of you have the most jacked up skin. From Fergie's meth face to Cammy's awful crater face, there is now a cure for the common holes in the skin....

And at $19.99, it is a steal compared to gazillions of dollars of face fixing plastic surgery procedures.

Not on MY Plane FATASS!

Well...it was bound to happen sooner or later...weight scales at the ticket counter at the airport and extra charges for the fat asses who insist on flying commercial instead of cargo. Okay, so this has happened yet, except sort of on Southwest Airlines, where people of a certain girth are required to buy two tickets if they can't put the armrest down. Would it be such a bad thing? Really? I mean, seeing as how it is politically incorrect to make fun of this, I will just be mean about it. I am ALL for scales being placed at the ticket counter, and I am all for people being required to buy two seats...especially if they are carrying the weight of two people. I can't tell you how many times I have had to endure a three hour flight sitting next to some big ass mofo drenched in Designer imposter perfume that makes me sick, who is spilling over into my seat. Seriously? [Bloomberg]