Who Wore It Better?

I mean...this really is a no brainer. I don't care who you are, nor do I care what audience you are trying to appeal to, unless you look like the model on the bottom you have no business wearing this...outfit, article of clothing, or whatever it is you want to call it. Actually, I don't even know what the purpose of this thing is. Anyone?

No postings today

and maybe not for a while. I am going on vacation tomorrow, and I am debating on whether or not to take my computer with me. Most likely, I will take it. I will be gone for an entire week...touring:

Washington DC

&

NYC

I am SO excited, and I can't wait!!! I am also excited to see Will-eh!

Only 2 days left

And I will be hanging out with Will-eh! TWO DAYS!!!

Cable News Anchors are HOT!

I would watch my local news more often if the anchors looked like these guys:

Thomas Roberts of CNN

CNN's AJ Hammer

(Not so cable) ABC's David Muir

Instead, when I turn on my news, I get this:

Dr. Marvin Monroe's long lost illegitimate latin brother Frrrrrrrrred Cantu. Yes he rolls the "R's" in Fred, eventhough Fred is not a hispanic name.

Joe Bickett, who is a complete jackass and believes that because Fox 7 is the only station in Austin that has a "morning show" from 5-9 that he is somebody. If you ever watch it, it more resembles cable access than anything. I feel bad for his female co-anchor...she must have murdered someone in a former life to have to endure his attitude.

You might think this one is a drag queen, but no. She is a morning anchor and seems to have more trouble reading the teleprompter than a 1st grade dropout from the 3rd ward in Houston. I have nothing against Melissa here, she just annoys me...especially in the morning when the last thing I need is to be annoyed.

Now, don't get me wrong, NOT ALL of Austin's anchors are complete fugs, but most of them are not people I would give a second look at even if I were blind drunk. It seems the cute ones are hidden in the basement, while the fugs take the stage. Those that I think are attractive are Josh Pells, Kelly Slifka......., and I think that is all.

Reality TV does not equate celebrity

I mean...really. Reichen cannot really be considered a celebrity. He was on Amazing Race, and other nixed projects and some awful movie choc full of reality tv players. He was the grand marshall at San Fran pride. To prove my point, if you are a real celebrity, you don't need a magnetic sign telling people who you are. I see they spared no expense and got him a ride in a Chrysler Sebring Convertible...that's hot (or maybe that is his car). I can hear it now, "You can be our "celebrity" grand marshal, because there is no way in hell a real gay celebrity such as say...Ian McKellan would ever do this, BUT we hear you drive a convertible, and well our budget doesn't allow us to rent a car, so you would be ideal seeing as you would have to use your own transportation in the parade."
His boyfriend Lance Bass was spotted around town, but was not in attendance for the highlight of Reich's career this year. So sad when a significant other isn't there to support their honey. That make Charlie laugh.

In Celebrity News

Lindsay Lohan's sylist Nate Newell allegedly couldn't keep up with the party hardy 19 year old that friends chipped in so that the poor kid could fly back home. LaLohan apparently flew him out to NYC to accompany her during the "Prarie Home Companion" press tour, but after a few days of having fun and partying he could no longer keep up with her partying ways. All of this staying out late makes me wonder what she is going to like like in say...five years. I have seen the way some of the gays age 10 years in less than two years from partying like rock stars. All I can say is "YIKES"! [NY Post]

Ain't nobody wanna see the alleged offspring of Tomkat. I can't say that I am shocked. Personally, I am tired of seeing Tom Cruiseazy's ass all over the tv and in the magazines and... We are over it, have been over it, and don't really care. Like foxnews.com says...the Jolie/Pitt baby was 'it' and now Suri has lost her shine now that she isn't a newborn. In the words of Mary Cherry from 'Popular'...nobody pays attention to 'dayplayers'. Thanks. Personally, I still doubt the existence of Suri. [Foxnews]

It is hard not to notice the similarities between Jessy Simpson's new song A Public Affair and Madonna's Holiday. I mean...really hard. Take a gander at the similarities here and decide for yourself. Simpson's spokesperson has dismissed similarities. Apparently her spokesman is also denying rumors that she is also deaf or dumb...or possibly both. I hope someone sues Jessy's ass. What is the damn deal with the Simpson girls? Ashlee can't sing, gets caught not singing on SNL, then sings live to prove she can sing, only proving that she sounds like a cat being strangled, and somehow the bitch still keeps releasing singles. Then there is Jessica whose last four releases have all been covers that she butchered with a rusty chainsaw. Take My Breath Away was quite possibly THE worst. Can someone please stop this Juggernaut? Go Team Lachey! [towleroad]

And that's all I got.

They say vision

This article from Ladies Home Journal is all lies. When I was a kid I ate all kinds of orange, yellow, and green veggies and to no avail. My eyes finally stopped getting worse at -6.5 and -6.75. I am basically blind, despite eating carrots like there weren't going to be any left. My vision is so bad, my friends all make fun of me and LOVE putting on my glasses because it makes them feel drunk without drinking a drop. I think they also like to watch each other's eyes immediately cross when they slip my glasses on. LHJ can suck it. I hate them. Granted, nothing will ever be as stylish as the specs I wore in high school.

And the answer is yes...I was Waldo!

Three days to go

I will be going on a little holiday on Thursday, and I could not be more excited. I will be heading to DC on Thursday to see Will-eh, and hopefully a couple of other friends that live there. Saturday Will and I are going to hop a bus to NYC for a couple of days and see some other friends there as well. I am SO excited.

What is the bigger question?

1. How in the world did these two become associated with each other? I will half ass answer that question...Diddy is associated with a zillion people, so I am not reading anything into this picture. I am all about two people hanging out and it being nothing more than a friendship.

2. Where are her boobs? I feel that this is the bigger question to be answered. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE me some Selma Blair, but damnit girl is too skinny. When you have lost weight to the point that you have the chest of a 12 year old boy and don't even need a bikini top, then there is something wrong with your eating habits. She looked fab in "The Sweetest Thing"...one of my favorite movies...EVER.

3. Why can't Diddy wear just a regular pair of shorts? I have no answer for this, other than his Sean John line probably doesn't make regular shorts that you can buy anywhere.

I think #2 would be the bigger question...thanks.

[Source]

THIS made the news?

Kevin Richardson calls it quits from the Backstreet Boys. It is reported that he is leaving to pursue other interests. Is this some kind of media ploy to get attention for the B Boys? I haven't heard about anything that they have done since that one guy decided to check himself into rehab. If Kev was really smart he would have jumped ship after Millenium but before Never Gone. Did anyone buy the last album? [KXAN]

How many times can you make over Barbie? She is about 50 years old now, so shouldn't that mean there should be a Botox Barbie out there somewhere? I mean...really...how fun would that be?[MSN]

Having an older brother(s) increases a male's chance of becoming a homo. Okay, that is all well and fine, but what about my case? I am the oldest of two and I am gay and my brother could not be farther from gay than GWB. [Source]

Yeah...that's all I got today.

AIDS Services of Austin Benefit

This weekend was the 13th Annual Viva Las Vegas that benefits AIDS Services of Austin. The night began early for us, since the party started a 8pm.

Brandon felt the need to show Fido some love before we went out.

Clearly, B was not the model for this sculpture

Smile bitches! Casey (sp?), Matt, Kirk, Jon

The "Fear Factor" strut to the bars.

When Charlie gets drunk, he just starts taking pictures of "things"...the bar, glasses, the ceiling...nothing is off limits. There were six more pictures like this on my camera. Good times!

To reiterate...Fabric is NOT a bar to take your shirt off in okay? Do your friends a favor, keep your clothes on when bringing them to the gay bar, or they might just realize you are "that guy" that takes his clothes off at the gay bar and never come with you again. The girl sitting on the couch got up about 10 seconds after this picture was taken, presumably to barf up all the booze and food that she has consumed in the last 4 months. While you are at it, extend that favor to ALL of us and keep your clothes on...unless you are ripped to perfection underneath it all, and then, by all means, take it all off, get your ass on a box and shake it.

I realize this is Austin, and there is nothing about Austin that isn't casual, but can I express that you should not wear flip flops in the bar. Yes, it may look cute and all, but think of the crushed toes, the nasty floor full of broken glass, and it is just not a good idea. The only exception to this rule is if it Sunday and you have been drinking all day and going home to change would result in passing out.

One of the emcee's at the benefit was Michelle Valles. She is a news anchor for KXAN 36 in Austin. I took one look at her and wanted to be her entourage the rest of the night. She reminds me a bit of Eva Longoria, only extremely sassy. I caught a glimpse of her walking through the crowd and I don't know if she was a bit tipsy or was having trouble walking in her heels...or both. Then she got up on stage and she let the sass rip. Her facial expressions were classic and I ate up every minute of it. She rolled her eyes, spoke over this girl who was a 'low talker' even with a mic. After she left the stage, she did a costume change that would make anyone equally proud and jealous...I think she was changed in 2 minutes. I wanted to take a picture with her, but couldn't work up the nerve to do it. Loves her!

Overall it was a good time, but I think next year I will do Houston Pride.

For the Honor of Grey Skull

I am SO excited I could just spit, because my wishes have been answered. I got my Instinct magazine in the mail today. I know what you are thinking...you subscribe to that? Um...no, not technically, I just started receiving it one day without want or without warning. Dunno how. ANYWAY, I am thumbing through and I see that She-Ra: Princess of Power is going to be relased on DVD on July 18th. I could NOT be more excited. Granted, this initial release is only going to be the original movie "The Secret of the Sword" and a handful of fan favorites, but still. She-Ra was my Barbie...as it was not right for a young boy to want to play with Barbie. I would comb her hair for hours. LOVES IT!

So, I guess I should thank whomever gave me a subscription to Instinct Magazine...otherwise I might not have known about She-Ra coming out on DVD. Then again...as much as I am into pop culture and all things from my childhood, I would have found out eventually.

A Public Affair

Jessy Simpson has released a new single and you can listen to it on her myspace profile. Here is the artwork for the single, and notice how her sytlist/bff Ken Paves is in it (and I am surprised her new lady bff Eva L. isn't in the picture). There is a better picture on her website www.jessicasimpson.com. BTW, before I get on a tangent about Ken Paves, the song is a little bit too much reminiscent of "Holiday". Take a gander for yourself.

Why does she have to have him in all her business? I mean, thanks to Kathy Griffin for making the gays the must have accessory for actresses from all lists to have around, but damnit, why can't they be cute? Kathy's gays are cute, but Ken Paves is not. He is fugly. If I am gonna spend the time to read an US Weekly while I am waiting for the slow ass cashiers at the grocery store to ring up my purchases I wanna see some cute homos...NOT FUGLY. Case in point:

He looks like a 40 year old man failing at his attempts to look like a 20 year old twink. Sort of cartoonish looking if you ask me. Like something from the Batman Cartoon...YES..that is it. He looks like the Scarecrow. I will try to find a picture when I have more time to illustrate my point. And Eva and Jessy as a bff match? I can't even begin to discuss the randomness of that hot mess. The only thing I can think of that they have in common is Texas, and most of us don't like to admit that Jessy or her brood is from here, and we all know my feelings on her pimp...er father.

News TOTALLY worth mentioning

Mega producer Aaron Spelling dies at his home in Beverly Hills at age 83. Spelling, as everyone knows, is credited with such soap hits as Beverly Hills, 90210, Melrose Place, and Dynasty. His creative talent will be missed. [CNN]

Anna Nicole's archnemesis also died unexpectedly on Friday night. I wonder if anyone will take up E. Pierce Marshall's fight to keep the gold digger from getting her grubby hands on the family fortune? No offense to Anna Nicole, but I would really rather her not get the money. [TMZ]

AIDS Services of Austin will be hosting the 13th annual Viva Las Vegas fundraiser tonight at the Austin Music Hall. My fun and fabulous friends and I will be in attendance, foregoing Houston Pride. If you are in Austin or around the Austin area here is the site for more information.

Katie Couric's departure not such a big deal afterall. I mean...really. I never cared for Katie. She is not that cute, and I found her to be more annoying than anything. I especially HATED when she made guest appearances on primetime sitcoms (ie. Will & Grace). Personally, I think she is way overpaid and highly overrated. That is just my opinion. Off tanget...sorry, ad sales and ratings have not suffered since Couric's departure from the Today Show. They have actually made $25 million more in upfront ad sales than this time last year. How funny would it be if the ratings actually increased like they did for Regis when Kathie Lee bit the dust? SO funny. [MSN]

SO Stereotypical

A friend of mine recently told me a story about a woman she works with, and how she made the comment one day that went something like this: "I don't know about all them gays mens molesting all these little kids." Being one of my bestest friends in the world, my friend came to my and all gay mens' defense and asked Shaneeky to explain herself. "Well you know girl, you always hear about the gay men being all petalfillia". She replied..."what news are you watching? I have a gay best friend and I will just tell you right now that he HATES kids. He thinks they infringe on his right to fly, shop, and enjoy a theme park without being interrupted. He only likes my daughter out of courtesy to me." Of course, Shaneeky shut up and back pedaled and was like...well I am sure your friend is just fine, but I am talking about the other ones. She then replied...and on the news...the men are married men, priests, and mentors...very rarely is there any mention of a gay man being a pedophile these days. She promptly stopped talking and went back to her custodial duties. It amazes me the amount of ignorance out there and how some people will never know anything more than what lies in the boundaries of their home. And for the record, I do like my friends' kids more than just out of courtesy, and they know that. I think all of my friends know how kids should be raised and raise them properly, and for the most part they are always well behaved...barring the occassional cranky outburst...that I can deal with. I HATE the kids whose parents are not good parents and let them cry, yell, carry on, and act a fool. I hate the kids whom parents bring to a nice restaurant only to have my nice dinner interrupted by crying and/or screaming. I HATE the kids that are running around Nordstrom or who are being pushed around in a DOUBLE stoller when there is only one kid. Okay, I hate the parents that do that...or any of that. There is a place for kids and it is the playground, not the mall. I have noticed one thing though...it seems that for as much as I dislike children, they seem to LOVE me. Why is that?

Where'd he go?

Does anyone know whatever happened to Andrew Shue of Melrose Place fame? Granted, I don't miss him playing "Billy", but I always thought he was cute.

Oh Fuck Me Heels

Sometimes I wonder if women truly know the power they have in a pair of hot shoes. I mean...really. If I could get away with wearing something like a Christian Louboutin "Gandhura" Sandal I SO would. Look at this gorgeous shoe. GORGEOUSSSSSSSS. Is that wrong of me to say? You can pick up this pair here.

The "Save Screech's House" Saga Continues

Every morning I listen to 104.1 KRBE out of Houston. The morning DJ's crack me up and they are much better at putting me in a good mood than anything else. Atom Smasher, the most gay straight man on radio, other than Seacrest, and Maria...crazy ass black woman who has the most infectious laugh I have heard on the radio. ANYWAY, they interviewed Screech this morning on the radio and I immediately barfed up a little bit of the piece of toast I had for breakfast. He was really passionate about this mess, and his goal is to sell 30,000 shirts, but you know what..."NOBODY REALLY CARES ABOUT YOUR PROBLEM". I took a poll of four people and four out of four do not care. So, good luck with unloading all those tshirts. I think a better idea would have been to saved that money and put it towards your bills...mmkay?

Entertainment news worth mentioning...or not

J. Timberlake and C. Diaz allegedly call it quits. According to gossip columnist he broke up with her because he is going to be on a tour and wants to be free. What is the f'ing deal with these emotionally detached boys who can just turn it off? [janetcharltonshollywood.com]

There is probably a reason why there have not seen any pictures of Suri Cruise published. 1) She does not exist, she never existed, and Katie is at home nursing a basketball, or 2) crazy ass Scientologists are keeping her locked in a glass prison in the belief that she is the reincarnated former leader L. Ron Hubbard. Personally, I believe that she is a figment of Katie's cracked out mind. Sidenote: YAY to Nikki Kidman for returning to her Catholic roots.

Oh Kristen Cavalleri being on a semi-reality show and having a guest role on Veronica Mars does not a high calibre actress make (the fantastic Kelly Clarkson is the only reality TV show winner/participant to ever make an [extremely] lucrative career out of her win). But to go so far as to make your boyfriend sit idley by while you helped plant fake stories in the tabloids in an attempt to bolster your own profile? Come on. I would be kind of through if I were Brody, but that is just me. Ambitious or duplicitous...wait...is there a difference in Hollywood? Here is a tip, lose the valley girl accent or you'll get typecast every single time.

Here is what I saw/heard from the Britney interview...

Part 1


and Part 2



I really wish that she would have threatened Matt with a knife, because God knows I have threatened him with a knife many times during more than one segment on the Today show. And, I bet she would have married the "bald guy from Seinfeld" because he may not have anything going on, but he has all that 'Seinfeld' money rolling in.

More Than Meets The Eye

OH....MY.....GAWD! I can't wait!!! If you think I won't be taking my Soundwave action figure with Ravage and Laserbeak to the movie you are sadly mistaken my friends.

The countdown begins: Transformers The Movie

Headlines worth mentioning...or not

Don't Blame Myspace for your slutty 14 year old daughter meeting up with a 19 year old and then getting sexually assaulted. How about being a responsible parent and keeping tabs on your kid's internet activity. No one can be blamed for a kid lying about their age but the kid. I am just sad that this is in my backyard. All of this mess is spelled out on the site. And age verification...how exactly are they going to do that? I can just imagine what the shysty lawyer looks like. "Hi, I am Lionel Hutz". [austin statesman]

The Mexican Chupacabra is once again loose in South Texas. Real or fake...you decide. [Netscape]

Beyonce is all about doing something different and empowering women, let's just hope she has 9 alternates to take the place of the 9 originals after her or her pappa gives them the pink slip. [mtv]

What is wrong with Jessica Simpson's face in this picture with Eva Longoria? Is she truly retarded? [mollygood]

After hearing "You're Beautiful" for the 1 zillionth time, it probably would have put me into a coma, rather than save me from one like it did for a 6 year old girl. How nice to be able to spend your life saying that a song by James Blunt pulled you from a coma. He is a hero among men. [smh]

Lance hearts Reichen?

With all the gossip that has been going on about these two, and by gossip I mean Perezhilton's obsession with them, I feel the need to make a comment. First of all, Lance Bass has never confirmed that he is actually a homo. Granted, he isn't really hiding it from anyone, but still...he has never admitted to being gay. That is his choice, and not to sound all therapy-like, but it will be his choice when to come out. I have no doubt that the gay community will welcome him, just like they do all former stars who didn't have the balls to come out of the closet at a high point of their career when they could have actually made a difference. Instead, they now use it to bolster their non-existant career in hopes of getting a front page spread on People or an interview by Barbara Walters. Suck it, because you know it is true. They fall into obscurity and then BAM..."I just want to go on the record and say that I am indeed a fag". Whatever. Moving on, this whole business with Reichen is, at the least, something that makes me wretch. I really have no love for Reichen at all. I was happy when he and his, then, boyfriend Chip won The Amazing Race. Kudos to the gays for winning, but he should have stopped there. His attempts at extending his 15 minutes of fame have been less than fruitful, and I am just kind of sick of seeing him popping up in the gay rags. He looks like he has aged about 10 years since his Amazing Race days, and frankly, I don't think he is going to be able to turn his reality win into a meaningful career. I mean, the Cable Network he worked for went belly up and now he is unemployed. Oh, but he did do a stint on Y&R as a cocktail waitress or something. I bet that probably paid pretty good. Finally, maybe it is just me, and I know Mr. Bass isn't a huge star, although I am sure he still has quite a bit of "N'Sync" money rolling in, but does anyone else think that Reality Man may be using him for something other than a roll in the hay? Of course, I don't know him so I probably shouldn't say anything, but this is a free country and there is something about Reality Man that seems kind of shady. But I say, if they are happy...YAY for them. The even BIGGER question than "is Lance Bass gay?" is...does anyone really care? Probably not.

Supermodel

I ask you...would you purchase clothing from a store that used someone like this to model their clothes?
I would hope not. I mean...really, you can see his belly button through that man made shiny material...whatever it may be. I hope they didn't spend their whole advertising budget at one place, because they got ripped off.

A gorgeous sunset

Eternal Sunset: Now you can watch the sunset anywhere in the world from your own desk.

Where can I get a cat like that?

How fun would it be to sit and watch my cat sit quietly and unassuming in the bushes near my front door, only to have an inner demon unleashed when bratty neighborhood kids or unwanted solicitors came skipping up to my front door to bother me. Here Kitty Kitty!

Source: KIT212

Poor Screech Powers

You know, I realize that the syndication royalties for "Saved By The Bell" in no way bring in "Seinfeld" money, but come on...they are selling them on iTunes now. Is it necessary for this lower than the D-List actor to resort to selling t-shirts to save his house? I kind of thought that someone that looked like him would have parlayed (sp?) his talents into something behind the camera, but I guess that would be a heavy and loud "Hell to the no". After reading his predicament, I am less than sympathetic for him. I mean...really. He put his trust in some shyster of a money man, and the man did nothing for him. To which he replies..."Let's face it, if he can't find the time to work on a mortgage for a famous celebrity, how will he handle the average person?" Um, Mr. Diamond's "famous celebrity" days are over, and calling himself a "famous celebrity" is reaching for something that isn't there. It is sort of like Diamonique sold by QVC. Diamonique stones are not real diamonds. They are pretty and they sparkle, but they aren't real. I am sorry that he got taken by such a duplicitous person, because nobody deserves to lose their home because of a shady ass dirtbag, who was probably on the receiving end of a take. Furthermore, I have my own bills to pay, and refuse to send money to a former celebrity save his house because he spent his "Saved By The Bell" money on licorice, sodas, and prostitutes. Besides, if anyone is getting any of my money it will be a charity that is fighting for something worthwhile like a cure for AIDS, or Cancer. Although, he might want to check into VH1's Celebreality series...I don't know how much they pay, but some is better than none (it was good enough for cousin Balki). Also, drug studies are a good source of income for the destitute but healthy individual. OH, and aluminum cans fetch a pretty penny these days too!

He's Super

I remember back in the day when I had hardware on my teeth to fix the raw deal I had been given in the teeth department. My orthodontist always used to say "Super" in the most nasal voice EVER. It was like...sooooooouuuuuper. Then I came across these pics of Brandon Routh and I have to take a line from Dr. Mayer and say...he is super...kind of dreamy.

To me, this picture says...I am a normal person, and I am using you to master taking pictures in front of the mirror in the bathroom. CHEESE!

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have my own action figure. I wonder what my super power would be?

Strike a pose...Vogue Vogue Vogue.

I am so excited about the Superman Returns movie that I could just spit!

Big Lots

Okay, I am sitting at home minding my own business when this commercial for Big Lots comes on. I don't know if they are trying to make Big Lots sound like a fun place to buy things, but I have heard stories about Big Lots and like jail, "It isn't glamorous Tina". My friend Joey equates it to a yard sale inside a big warehouse, and I concur. In the commercial there are two sisters, one of whom is introducing the other to the store. She makes it sound exciting and stuff, and yes, in the commercial it looks clean and well meaning. People that I know that have set foot into one of these lower than Wal-Mart stores tell me awful stories piles of crap laying around for buzzards to pick clean. That does not sound like a place I want to shop. Give me Target please.

Mr T's fashion don'ts

There are some people who should not be giving fashion advice...even if it was back in the 80's when they were giving them. I mean...really.

My favorite line: "Whether she is fixing her bike or primpin' for the prom, she's a living United Nations."

What in the hell does that mean? I guess it means whatever the hell I want it to mean.



And when was the last time anyone wore Gloria Vanderbilt or didn't pay outlet prices for Bill Blass?

And I am done

My temporary addiction to "missed connections" has passed. Didn't take long, but not before this one. Here is the original post:

http://austin.craigslist.org/mis/172842689.html

and here is the reply:
http://austin.craigslist.org/mis/172916861.html

I agree with the reply...get yourself tested for STD's, promptly remove your ovaries, and then take a tip from crazy black lady in Pittsburgh McDonalds...keep your legs shut, or sew your kootchie closed.

BTW, Happy Father's Day to all the dad's out there.

Hi, my name is Charlie and...

I am temporarily addicted to reading "Missed Connections" on Craigslist, because much like browsing around MySpace and Friendster, this too will get boring after a while. Some of these postings are funny, and others not so funny. Case in point the following exchange:

Looking for Black Jeep Cherokee? m4m

and the reply:

Black Jeep Cherokee in Pasadena - m4m

Actually, that is pretty funny too. The cheating is probably the reason his boyfriend has all the STD's, but I am just guessing. As a victim of a philandering boyfriend, I don't understand the mentality involved in putting up with that mess. I also think that ranks up there with being in an exclusive relationship and then having it regress to the pre-exclusive days of being able to date other people too. What is that? That isn't a relationship, that is casually dating, and it would take a lot for me to sit back and know that someone I called my boyfriend is now sleeping around with whomever he wants to sleep around with, and at the same time thinking that if he doesn't hookup with a conquest that he can just come home and get in bed with me. No ma'am, I would be DONE!

Sweet Dreams

I swear, there is nothing like the picture of completely unattainable perfection to cause my BDD (body dysmorphic disorder) to flare up. I feel ugly...thanks for making me feel inferior in the mirror Rusty Joiner. (wha wha wha)

This is how they change their image

As a former slave of the mega-retailer Wal-Mart, I took great pleasure in a recent article talking about how they have been caught by the House of Fendi for hocking fake handbags at several Sam's Club locations. As a homo that is also obsessed with handbags, I laughed and laughed and laughed. Wal-Mart Stores, Inc has been trying to upgrade their image over the past few years by luring in high end customers with luxury items that include diamonds, gold, plasma televisions, high end accessories (ie Prada and Fendi), but I don't see how selling fake Fendi's is going to help them. Typically, a good "in the know" shopper will recognize the subtle differences in the quality. Of course, some people don't care, because surely if Sam's Club is selling it, then it must be real. HA! Look, if you want to find a cheap bag, head down to your local "Chinatown", no offense, but that is usually where you can find a replica. I think it is a little bit late for Wal-Mart to upgrade its image. Everyone knows it is a low cost place to shop and that is precisely what draws in the low-rent clientelle, whom rich folks want nothing to do with. I am not rich, and I don't even want anything to do with any of them. While we are on the subject of upgrading your image, how about doing something about all the parents that let their kids run around the store tearing shit up. I walked into the Wal-Mart at Ben White and I-35 in Austin a few weeks ago and there were kids everywhere. I thought it was a damn carnival. I walked in and didn't even make it to the electronics department before I decided that it wasn't worth the walk I had to take to get there. That is one of the main reasons that I don't go into a Wal-Mart. I HATE most kids (my friends' kids are excluded from this by default), and I have no patience for them and their bad behavior. I have even less patience for kids whose parents' do not discipline them for acting horribly in the store. Then, when the kids don't get their way, they throw a fit until the parent buys something for them. When I worked there, I noticed that the Mexicans are really bad at reprimanding their children. First of all, this isn't the streets of Mexico, where it is okay to run around like a chicken with your head cut off, if they want to act like an animal you better keep them on a leash. While I am at it, can I just bitch about kids in general. On the plane next to me, in a stroller blocking my way, and in the booth at a lovely restaurant while I am trying to have a quiet dinner. ACK! Secondly, your attempts to offer a higher end line of fashion are going to fall flat, because the name "Metro 7", doesn't conjure images of "style" for me. Target has done a splendid job by getting BIG NAME desingers (ie Isaac Mizrahi, Luella Bartley, etc) on board to design clothes for them), and you are gonna bring out "Metro 7". What the hell is that? And call me old fashion, but the whole "one stop shop" is a bit overrated. It may be convenient, but I don't think I want to load a bunch of food in the same basket as motor oil and chemicals. You could also change up your dress code, because the whole non-jeans rule, encourages form fitting stirrup pants that are NOT flattering on anyone...period. There is nothing wrong with jeans, considering the right pair of jeans can make someone look fabulous, especially when it is coupled with a cute top and fabulous accessories...just not a fake Fendi.

Trainwreck headed to nowhere

So, Britney Spears is perfect proof that it doesn't matter how much money you have, trash is trash. She loves Kevin because he is simple...a simple little gold digger. I am just dumbfounded, and at a loss for words. I can't even be sassy about all this because is so damn sad. She is a hot mess in this interview with Matt Lauer, and is completely busted up. I mean...really. Does she not have a hair brush. I can't tell if her hair is just gross and unwashed or if she has some bad extensions (Becky as a strong black woman help me out here...is that her real hair). Her makeup is horrible and her clothes are not flattering at all. She is a just a mess. I really have no words for any of this. She needs a manicure, and a diet. SPIT OUT THE GUM! She is just chomping on that gum like a horse. This is awful, and I have to say that Matt Lauer is a prick. He will ask the same question three different ways to see if she is going to slip up and answer it. If she says she doesn't want to asnswer the question, she isn't going to answer the question. She loves Shania because "Shania's music is timeless". WTF? I also hate that singers/actors think they are also designers. I mean...huh? I think the days of hot Brit are long gone and may never bee seen again...EVER. Such a shame too, because, well...why is it a shame again? The thought escapes me.

The Highlight of my trip to the Pitts

Can I just say that Pittsburgh is not a place that I would ever recommend anyone moving to, unless they were gonna get paid a hell of a lot of bank. At first I thought...damn there are a lot of homeless people in this city. Turns out, it was just a bunch of peeps waiting for the bus. Ooops, but I digress. So, I slept late today and didn't get up until lunch time. I was HUNGRY and didn't have a whole lot of time to get some grub and go to the conference. I walked to the McDonald's on Liberty and 5th(?). This is the most ghetto fabulous McD's I have EVER set foot in, and I was really not having it. As I am standing in line, there is a homeless man yelling at some man he accused of cutting in line, while also trying to figure out how to make the most of his $5 on the $1 menu and still have enough money to buy some cheap booze. The girl who was supposed to be waiting on me was paying attention to that mess, and then to my right was some ghetto woman trying to get something for nothing by getting "her girl" to hook her up with some stuff. Then out of nowhere, in unison, all of the employees caught a glimpse of a truck driving by and were like..."NASTY, what is that?". Well, of course, all the customers including me turned to look out the window and what to my wondering eyes did appear? Well, it wasn't vision of good ole St. Niklaus that's for DAMN sure. Stopped at the light was a moving truck with the picture of an aborted fetus on the side of it. Crazy "hookup" lady starts saying "Right to life. Right to life. You don't want to have one of those, you can't take care of your baby, keep your legs shut or sew your koochie up. Keep the koochie closed hos" Of course, then she spills her drink on the counter and it splashes on moi. She says "Sorry baby that van dun gawt me all werkt up and I am so flustertated right now" That isn't a misspell...she said flustertated. I finally get my food...as I had ordered it before the fetus picture, and I sit down in a quiet part of the restaurant, only to realize I am in the same area as a 75 year old retarded woman who has band aids in her hair, and I overheard her say...because my head hurts. Really...your hair is going to be hurting you when you have to pull those things out. At this point I had seen quite enough, inhaled what my food, and flew out the door. After that, I went to one of my classes and found myself counting the number of times a presenter said the words "uh" or "um" and I counted 128 times in 30 minutes. That is a lot. Good Times...HEEYYYY.

The View...can't wait for Rosie

I watched The View this morning for the first time in a LONG time. Not much has changed, except the fact that Meredith is missing from the group. Elisabeth is still an idiot and still desperately trying to fit in with this group, despite her constant word vomit. I am thinking that Star will not be back next season, as she clearly does not care for anyone on the stage...except herself. She has the look of someone that is there just to fulfill her contractual obligations. Another thing that I did notice is...Barbara and Joy seem to be the cocks of the walk now. They seemed a little bit bullyish this morning towards Miss. Lis and Fallen Star, and I LOVE IT! One thing I do not love is the fact that we will probably not get to see Star and Rose duke it out in the fall. That make Mugsy sad.

What Not To Wear Never Looked So Good

Now, I would never suggest buying or even wearing any of the clothes on this website, much like 99.9% of the things on International Male, BUT I have to say that models for Ovlas have never made clothes made of shiney unnatural fibers look so good.
[Source: ohlala]