Post Lunch Rant: 6/6/06

Because it is 6/6/06, and despite the risk of sounding like a hateful bitch, I present to you 6 personalities who can go to hell. Don't worry, I am not usually this hateful, but I drank a quart of haterade during lunch today and it has hit me hard.

1. Dominique Sachsa

This woman is not a celebrity, but I think in her mind she believes that she is one. She is only an anchor for the sensationalistic, overly flashy, overly dramatic Channel 2 in Houston. I used to like her before she got promoted to Evening/Nightly News, because then she turned into a fake plastic Stepford Anchor, and Channel 2 did a segment about her pregnancy. That is not news. Nobody cares, and after seeing pictures of her son, I want to know who the really daddy is. It says this on the news2houston.com website: "Dominique decided that anchoring was her "perfect fit" when she went on-air to report on the San Jacinto River fire in 1994. She quickly realized her gift of taking a major breaking news event and telling it to Houstonians in an interesting and unique fashion." Of course she did, isn't that how it ALWAYS happens, and how exactly does one make her segment both interesting and unique when it involves a flood. If it were me, I would be watching this segment regardless or how interesting or unique, just to know if my house is going to wash away.

2. Mary Hart

no...not that Mary Hart, THIS Mary Hart...

Known for her hard hitting journalism and flawlessly saying "You'll only see it on ET". Most people who watch your show have already read about your "ET Exclusive" on the internet. Does anyone know old this woman is, and did you see that episode of her without her makeup? YIKES, I would hate to wake up and see that in the morning...know what I'm sayin? An honorable drop dead mention should go to Vanessa Minnillo, but I haven't seen or heard much from her lately. I hope Mary hasn't done something to her...then again, if she did, THANK YOU MARY!

3. Kelly Aldridge

Known as "Kelly" of "Sabrina and Kelly" the twins from MTV's 8th & Ocean. I mean, what kind of girl backstabs her own sister, who btw is way prettier despite her early acne problems and is clearly a good person, out of jobs and pisses on her parade when she lands a big account? I will tell you who...Kelly is that girl. Who needs enemies when your own flesh and blood is ready and willing to throw you overboard. She is the kind of twin that would go after her sister's boyfriend, fuck him, and make sure her sister catches them in the act just for sport.

4. Joe Simpson

I think it is pretty much a given that Joe here is going to hell anyway. He seems like the kind of minister that would have his hands in the offering plate as soon as the ushers finished taking up the Sunday collection. I can't imagine what the punishment would be for whoring his daughters around town, and then dipping his hands in their bank accounts is. Not to mention the fact that he probably encouraged lil' Ash's recent foray into plastic surgery. While we are on the subject of appearances, why does this man dress like Ryan Seacrest? Does he sit in front of the tv and go..."Ryan's look is the look I want", because nobody should want that. Guess I should be glad that he isn't sporting Abercrombie.

5. Kim Stewart

I ask you...what is this one good for? Absolutely NOTHING. She is not cute, she has no class, and just because your daddy's a rock star doesn't mean you can't be trash. I hate the fact that some people are born into celebrity. Luckily, I don't know anyone else, besides Paris Hilton, that likes this one either. My biggest question is: How does she get invited to launch parties and things like that? She is NOBODY.

6. John Black and Marlena Evans Brady Black North Black

These two count as one, and are probably two of the WORST characters on daytime television. I don't know which one is worse. He constantly has a crooked cocked eyebrow, squinty eyes, and is always whispering. She is supposed to be the most "powerful" minded psychologist in the world, yet she is easily duped by things such as magical medalions or magic potions. Then when she gets saved, yet again, by John Black, she always has this look on her face that is apparently supposed to be one of gratitude and lust for her man, but it mostly just makes her look like she is constipated and gassy. Here is a tip: "Beano now and there'll Bea-NO gas later".

So that is my list. Love it or leave it.