Again with the work

Once again, work is getting in the way of me playing and informing you kids about gossip and junk. I am in the middle of a huge mapping project that is demanding 95% of my time at work this week. Do not fret, I am hoping to be finished with it towards the middle of next week, and I will be doing some extra work on my day off on Monday to get it finished. However, I will be out at Hippie Hollow on Sunday soaking up some sun and getting groovy on the back of a boat to the gay OONCE OONCE. I hope you all have a safe and fun Labor Day weekend!

MUAH!
C

Anna Nicole Never Won An Emmy?

I have never really been a huge fan of Anna Nicole's and I really wanted to kill myself the entire six months that Entertainment Tonight exploited her death, but I had no idea she was such a talent when it came to acting. Of course, I kid, because even when the lines: "I'm heading eastbound, leaving your air space" are spoon fed to her, she still flubs the lines and says, "I'm heading eastbound, leading your hair space." Or how about "Van Nuys tower...." that she turns into "Very nice tower". Six minutes is a long Youtube video, but it is totally worth it...you will laugh...you know in a no disrespect of the dead kind of way, but in a more...thank god she did that because my day is dragging ass and I need a pick me up.

[bwe]

Homo say what?

Apparently, I am late arriving to the party where this William Sledd person is concerned. I had no idea who he was until today when I was reading another blog and came across an entry about him. After seeing his "Youtube-cast", I am at a loss for words as to what exactly the appeal is, or what exactly makes him an expert on such things as fashion do's and don'ts...because last time I checked The Gap (his place of employment) isn't exactly fashion forward. And please DON'T EVEN get me started on their Banana Republic-esque pricing, but I digress. After doing more extensive background checking, he apparently has a Video blog for Bravo...yes, that's right, Bravo the television network. I am in shock and awe as to why they would find this little fairy remotely interesting enough to give him 15 minutes of fame. I guess to each his own, because I guess there are people out there that desire his particular sense of style, but I thank my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ that I don't know any of them. I can't even tell you the last time I stepped foot in a Gap. I did come across his latest posting on YouTube where cameras followed him to a Bravo shindig where he talks about an apparent crush on Tim Gunn, even referring to a picture of them together as "SO CUTE" or something, gets multiple photos with my Bravo crush Jeff Lewis, and talks incessently about how he had "a little bit to drink". Of course, the best part of the whole thing is when he tries to call out Perez Hilton (who clearly does not have time for this fairy) for wearing overalls, because I am guessing Sledd thinks people actually listen to his advice (read: closet queens who think Sledd is an actual representation of our community). Anyway, Sledd gets all excited about the confrontation that he clearly loses when Perez says..."Scary is the amount of makeup you have on", to which Sledd replies..."Scary is your hair color!". OH SNAP Sledd, you told Perez. Barf, why am I even talking about this? Watch it for yourself.

Aussiebum is SO hot

If my Body Dismorphic Disorder wasn't bad enough...here is something more to make it flare up even more. Enjoy!

and while we are at it...some Animal prints too because animal prints are SO much sexier:

PS - You can have this hot stuff on your iPod if you subscribe to Aussiebum's Podcast on iTunes. I did and have to say...totally worth it.

Being Desperate never looked so good

David LaChapelle did up the ladies of Desperate Housewives for the teaser for the new season, and I have to say...they look quite fabulous.

Yes, that is J. Lo singing.

I Love Sarah Silverman

If you have never watched The Sarah Silverman Program on Comedy Central, you really need to. It is SO funny. Here is a clip from the show when she gets thrown in jail for driving under the influence of cough syrup. You have to see the whole episode from beginning to end to full appreciate it.

The Not So News

- Me thinks that Jessy Simpson had a little bit of work done, because a few things seem to be very different about her appearance. Then again, we haven't seen her untalented ass out and about in Hollywood in quite a while. Who knows. [hollywood tuna]

- This just in from 1998: Jake Gyllenhaal might be gay. He also might have an impregnated surrogate ready to pop out a baby for him and his [alleged] boyfriend Austin Nichols, who BTW takes a terrible mugshot, or it could be Chef Chris Fischer. Former Hollywood publicist Jonathan Jaxson recently spoke the words saying "he is poised to come out by the end of next month". I am having a hard time accepting this. Why? I don't know...mostly because Jake is just so masculine and there is no way that he could be a homo like myself. I mean, just because he likes to shop, hangs out with hot guys, and walks on the beach with his sister...that does not mean he is gay. [IDLYITW]

- In more gay news, Wentworth Miller was recently spotted on the town with T.R. Knight's ex boyfriend and Brothers & Sisters day player Luke Macfarlane. This, of course, fuels speculation that they are an item, and actually look quite cute together. [towleroad]

- In even gayer news, Andy Dick made an ass out of himself at a gay bar in Ohio this past weekend, where he seemed to go to town with some very fugly and extremely unattractive twinky messes. The visuals will make you vomit all over yourself, but if you like that kind of thing feel free to click the source link. [perezhilton]

- Apparently the eff'ed up nosed Owen brother tried to off himself, and why wouldn't he? If I had to stare at that mug in the mirror every morning I would probably try to kill myself too. Seriously, suicide is NOT a funny subject. The National Enquirer is reporting that he attempted suicide, but they are the only ones saying it, and we all know how reliable The Enquirer is...it is like Wikipedia accurate. [nationalenquirer]

Miss South Carolina is a genius.

First of all, thanks to Al for sending this to me...no doubt so he could hear my take on this. Please have a looksee:

Um...what? Actually, WTF?!?!?!? What kind of a damn answer was that? She might as well had responded, "I look like Barbie" using a cutesy little girl voice and then holding her finger in between her teeth while giggling uncontrollably. GOD, this is our future. I mean...that is quite possibly the worst answer I have ever heard...and actually that is a pretty dumb question. She should have said...because they clearly haven't gone by Charlie's office to learn about maps and GIS because had they come into his office he would have beaten them upside the head with a sharp pair of scissors for not knowing where the USA is on a map. And who knew that the citizens of Iraq were so well read on mapping and reading maps? I am glad that the fact that eventhough they are living in a completely violent and war torn country they can still point out the USA on a map. I will sleep SO soundly tonight. This is my job...I deal with people who can't read maps on a daily basis. They want addresses to their property but they can't tell me where it is or how to get there. It is quite ridiculous. Oh and someone should tell Miss South Carolina that Wal-Mart sells maps for like $2.97. She could totally turn this around and start a map fund to provide maps to the poor, and her slogan could be, "Even people going nowhere fast need maps". What a dumb slag. Cute dress though.

No Posts Today

Hey ya'll, I know I said I would be back to posting today, but work has got me pretty busy with a bunch of mess after being gone all last week and the fact that my fiscal year is about to end in four days and I need to spend a bunch of money or it goes back to the state. I will try to be back tomorrow with junk. In the meantime, head over to my friend Al's blog to check out our trip to the Comal River for some tubin'.

http://durrellisms.blogspot.com/2007/08/tubin-comal.html

MIA

Hey boys and boys...and girls. Where have all the postings gone? I was in training all week last week and I had limited access to the internet. Updates will start back up this week! Glad you missed me.

I am SO Blind

From NY Daily News:

Which Oscar-winning actor was recently spotted enjoying a summer cocktail with a male friend at the very gay Ramrod Club in Mykonos?

I say...Kevin Spacey

Gayken is SO butch and hetero

One wonders why he isn't the posterman for some butch, tobacco spitting, armpit farting, wood chopping, blue collar magazine. I mean...he cannot possibly be anymore opposite to feminine. Take this video for instance...he is voguing to some gospel version of "Like a Virgin" and then he makes some sort of noise like he saw The Bachelor's Andy Baldwin and prematurely ejaculated into his pants. What is the point of this post you ask? Well...the point is the backup singer. The facial expression she gives is very similar to the face I walk around with all the time. It is SO hot. Wait for it...wait for it....

She's my favorite and the thought..."WTF am I up on this stage with this nelly bastard perfroming this ignunce fuh?" is probably racing through her head.

Really...Paris is Faking it?

Stop the damn presses right this second. I can't believe that all of her "do good" behavior is all an act:

"GONE are the days of Paris Hilton picking at her bikini bottoms on the beach, changing guys like underwear and partying nonstop - but sources close to the ditzy heirhead tell Page Six her new grown-up attitude is nothing but a big, phony act. "

Imagine that. Paris faking her kindness and charitable acts! Who on God's green earth really thought it was the real thing? Why am I even talking about this?
[pagesix]

He Picked It Up?

Well, this missed connection reminds me a little bit of Cinderella with a gay twist and something else that could be considered kind of perverse and slightly disappointing in the place of the infamous glass slipper.

HOT GUY IN RED SHORTS ON SUNDAY AT TOWN LAKE - m4m

We caught eyes and gazed at each other near the water area, then you took off running. I was following behind you, for endurance and checking out the view, when a rolled up sock fell out of your shorts! I picked up and still have it. Email me if you want it back, and perhaps I can see what is really down there.

You...long hair, shoulder legnth, blonde, no shirt, red shorts, chest was smooth as silk in a perfect "V". Hit me up.

Well, isn't that special? Okay, I don't want to be the one to squash anyone's optimistic outlook on the "gazing", or "making eyes at each other" as my friend Jason refers to it, but just because someone looks at you doesn't mean they want to sleep with you, or date you, or have much of anything to do with you. Sometimes people look without realizing they are looking. I know I have done that before...never gotten a missed connection from it, but have done it. Also, who picks up a sock that a guy had stuffed in his shorts, and furthermore who stuffs their running shorts with a rolled up sock anyway? That is just blatant false advertisement, and I would not be having it. Eh...I am over this post.

Another Unnecessary iPod Accessory

Are you kidding me with this? There are no words for this...not one single word, BUT if you are interested in purchasing this hot little accessory, you can pick it up at Overstock.com, because as you know...It is all about the "O".Just be careful that you don't grab the iPod by mistake and try to clean your ass with it. GROSS.

What a Bonehead

A Houston man, Leroy Greer, has filed a $1.5 million suit against 1-800Flowers.com because he sent flowers to his girlfriend and then his wife found out. This has got to be the dumbest thing I have ever heard of. He is blaming 1-800Flowers for his indescretions? Is this serious. He is claiming mental anguish and is now pissed because his wife has upped the settlement figure she was asking for in their divorce. Mr. Greer states that he specifically asked the company to not send anything to his home, but later when the company sent a thank you card to him, which his wife intercepted. She then requested a copy of the invoice from 1-800Flowers, was faxed a copy of the invoice that also had the "special note" he wrote to his girlfriend that said "Just wanted to say that I love you and you mean the world to me! Leroy." Isn't that sweet? Such a gentleman. NOW, he is suing, because he alledges breach of contract when they sent correspondence to his home. You can read more details about this story at the Houston Chronicle's website here and here.

Okay, let me get this straight, he is a philanderer and a cheat who sends flowers to a girlfriend he has on the side while he is still in a 2 year divorce battle with his wife? THEN, because he gets caught red handed, he wants to blame the florist that sent the flowers? What is wrong with this world? Who is boneheaded enough to use a national florist service to send flowers to a mistress? Does Houston have no local florist? I don't know any local florists that would send a thank you card for giving them business. This kind of behavior kind of pisses me off, mostly because people that cheat don't seem to believe that they are at fault for their actions. The flowers made him do it, they were just so sexy, and made me feel so sexy, and I just kind of lost my mind. WHATEVER! I have been cheated on, and it is not fun. This guy should just be a man! There is video of this guy and his attorney on The Today show and at MSNBC, but there isn't a good link to take you there. What a couple of douches.

He's SO Hot!

Music Video of the Day

Girls Aloud - Sexy! (No No No)

ABC's "The Bachelor" casts Austin, TX, Resident

Brad Womack, co-owner of The Chuggin Monkey, The Dizzy Rooster, and two other bars on Sixth Street in my beloved Austin, TX, has been chosen as the next Bachelor.

From TVGuide.com:

He is touted as "a sincere, sexy, successful, self-made man who may be the series' hottest guy yet."

His "good looks make him The Bachelor’s own 'McSteamy.'"

With his two brothers he co-owns four lucrative bars, and they are now in the early stages of developing a hotel.

He is "ready to find his soul mate, settle down and have the family life he has so long desired." Born in Atlanta and currently residing in Austin, Texas, he is 34-year-old Brad Womack, and he is ABC's new Bachelor.

Ladies, prepare to be wooed, scrutinized and culled down. In the end, the fairest of you will be chosen as The One.

And then you'll break up.

The 11th edition of The Bachelor premieres Monday, Sept. 24, at 9:30 pm/ET, with a 90-minute special. May your courtship last as long.

No offense to Mr. Womack, but does anyone even watch The Bachelor anymore? I don't know anyone that does...and you would think that these guys that go on these shows would notice that only one couple is still together, and they were actually from "The Bachelorette". Sounds to me like someone is looking for a bunch of publicity for his bar and to get laid...can't he do that without going on national TV. Thank you and goodnight.

Dial down the desperation please

From Missed Connections today:

Kirk(?) at Hippie Hollow on Sat/Sun - m4m - 25

Last Sat & Sun at Hippie Hollow Lake Travis you were there. I found out your name is Kirk, you have a blue and white wakeboard boat and cutest dog in orange life vest. You have a shaved head, ripped sexy body, wearing black shorts with the word Hurley on the back.

DUDE, my heart skipped a beat when I saw you, came by for a close up, SMOKIN HOT! I was with a couple chicks (i'm bi) wearing brown/blak/red board shorts red cap. Pic attached. Thought I was leavin this week but got extended (here in town on film crew for a movie until Sept 7th now).

You single? Any chance to meet? Buy you a beer? Will you be there again this weekend? Hell if ur hooked up I'm good for 3way lol. ANYTHING bro! PLEASE hit me up dude, names Brennen :)

OKAY, I know the guy he is talking about in this MC and his name isn't Kirk. My favorite part is when he says he is "bi". Okay guy...whatever. If your heart skipped a beat when you saw a dude...you are gay. If you are hanging out in the gay section of Hippie Hollow...you are probably gay. Can we bring the level of desperation down about five clicks please? It is kind of ridiculous how crazy and stalker-like Brennen sounds in this advertisement. Oh, and if you click on the link above you can see that he even posted his picture to the ad. Who posts their picture to the ad...clearly he is not from around these parts. PLEASE...ANYTHING!!! Horny much?

I am bored with celebrities

All you hear about is stupid messed up Britney or the lack of Lindsay Lohan making herself seen to the general public, and I really don't care, because those people are almost not even real. I have lately become obsessed with judging "missed connections" from Craigslist, and I found a doozey today.

Squat and dump

What is Britney doing? It looks like she has decided to squat down and take a big ole' dump in the parking lot between two cars. Or maybe she is going to take a pee. Who knows what and why this girl does anything these days. And what's with that hair? It is a hot mess. I wish this girl would hire me to help her out, because I would shake some sense into her crazy ass.
[tmz]

Hun...that's not Karma...that is dumb.

People can be so dumb. Case in point:

Karma M4M - m4m - 48

I there is anyone that you have ever loved (and still do ) and cant get them out of your head, repost this message in another city within 5 minutes of reading. Tonight between 1 am and 4 am they will remember how much they loved you too. Tomorrow you will get the shock of your life. Karma is real..just believe!

First of all...that is not Karma...that is a chain letter. Secondly, if you are putting your hopes and dreams in the hands of a chain letter like you live in a movie full of glitter and magic, then you need to put down the pipe and get yourself to rehab pronto. Third, if they are going to call me, I would rather them not wake me up from a dead sleep between the hours of 1am and 4am with this revelation unless I have just come home from the bar and they want some extremely hot, drunken, "it means nothing, but I am VERY horny" sex. HOWEVER if just hot drunken sex isn't the case and they decide they DO still love me after sobering up, I would instead appreciate them coming over to my house and have a delicious breakfast ready for me in the morning which will ultimately end with sexy results. BTW, I will be reposting this to Las Vegas, Houston, Dallas, Orlando, and Los Angeles just as soon as I put the period at the end of this sentence and click "publish post". Yeah right. Again...I ask...what is wrong with people? Especially the 48 year old who did it.

He's SO Hot!

His name is Dror Okavi and this man looks as hot in his clothes as he does out of them. Check out a ton of other pictures, his bio, and a bunch of other stuff at his website.

Music Video of the Day

Garbage - You Look So Fine. I think this is one of the hottest songs ever made. I don't know exactly what it is about it that I find so alluring, but I do.

Actually, I have always kind of wanted to have sex to this song on a continuous loop with a few other tracks that were clearly written and produced to fuck to, but alas...I never have.

My Missed Connection?

Could someone have "missed" me?

Saw you yesterday on 35 from the far lane across the freeway travelling in the opposite direction. You had glasses on and seemed to be driving a car. Me doing the same. Coffee? Stir-fried Tofu? Hope to hear from you.

Hmm...could this be for me? I was driving on I-35 on Saturday evening in the general location of Travis Heights. I also wear glasses and I do drive a car, but my car is an SUV, so maybe it wasn't me. This is SO exciting. Oh, but I don't like Tofu, so...I am thinking a "no" response to the question of "was it me?".

I HATE Bots!

Bots, spam...WHATEVER! I hate them and they are SO annoying to me. If you don't know what I am talking about then you don't have a MySpace page. These are the fake profiles that want to be added to your friend list so they can ply you with free ring tone ads and crap like that. It is usually ALWAYS the same girl, they just change her name. Then you click on the profile and it is all about sex and how she wants to get crazy with everyone and what not. They always have just ONE photo and it is usually the screen shot from a webcam of her probably getting all buck nasty on the internet for some lowlife dirty old man because she is "paying her way through college to become a Dr." or some shit like that. What are people thinking...do they think that it will be good for a long term career with that kind of mess in their background. Then again...who am I to judge. Anyway...got off topic. I swear...I got an invite from Carol today, and I think Scarol would be more appropriate of a name, because bitch looks like the crazy kind of girl that would meet up with you to get freak nasty, tie you up with the expectation of getting beat with red hot pokers while wearing nipple clamps only to have her go to the bathroom, come out fully dressed and steal your wallet, clothes, and all that is left of your dignity. Needless to say...DENIED. Sad part is, there is probably some poor pathetic nerd out there that says yes to all of these spam friends and probably thinks..."These sisters sure are hot...what do you call it when a mom has 20+ identical daughters?" Either mom is part canine and gave birth to a litter of human babies that may or may not have dog senes, or the only other explanation is cloning, and that hasn't been perfected in human trials yet. I wonder if they have male versions of this spam, because that would be kinda hot to have 30 guys that looked the same but had different names as my friends. BUT, they would all have to be gay.

What is wrong with people?

Like the rest of the world, I am quite addicted to the YouTube a few times a day...you know when I am not dashing into the fray trying to help some jackass backwoods yokel with four teeth establish an address for the sixth trailer house he has decided to move on to his one acre tract of land in the middle of nowhere. Most of the time I just watch music videos, but every once in a while I meander from the path and find narcissitic douchebags like this guy:

Is that supposed to be sexy? Let me just squash the notion that it is sexy, because...no. First off, the guys teeth are whiter than his t-shirt, which either means he is addicted to whitening strips, or he has spent so much money on strips he can't even afford the generic storebland (yes, I meant to say "bland") bleach. Damn dingey clothes. Second, what is with the leaky tire noise coming from his mouth? Aren't bodybuilders supposed to growl or sit and pose in silence while they give a facial expression that we all have when we are trying to push out a big turd? I know right...so gross. Third, if you can't rip your shirt all the way through, then at the very least...Hints from Heloise says, please, Please, PLEASE cut a small slit in the shirt so that when you do make it to the bottom of the shirt it will rip right apart...you know...so you can avoid looking like a total loser. Finally, I have better things to spend my money on than sending my money to some goofball who can't rip his shirt, is not really that cute, hisses at me, and should spend less time in front of the camera and more time working on his fitness. Furthermore...what does he need the money to spend on? A membership at Gold's is like $30 a month, and protein powders are like $20, and I can't imagine that a posing garment would be that expensive. I don't know.

Music Video of the Day

Natasha Bedingfield vs Chicane - "Bruised Water" I am not typically a fan of the "mashups" but this one is actually pretty good.

I am FLIPPING out!

Have any of you people seen Bravo's new reality show, "Flipping Out"? If you have not seen it, then you need to find a replay ASAP. If you can't, then go to Apple iTunes and download the premiere episode for free RIGHT. THIS. MINUTE. Jeff Lewis is this completely crazy guy who flips houses, but he doesn't like to call it "flipping" because he does more than putting some new paint on the walls and fixing minor defects in the house...he actually invests more money to do the best job he can. He admits to having OCD and has an eye for "perfection" and I am loving it and living for every bit of it. I am oddly attracted to this man and I am not ashamed to admit it, because he is kind of hot. I wonder what it would be like to date him and have him boss me around...could you imagine? OMG! HOWEVER, I don't really think the picture of Jeff on the Bravo website is the best choice, and he looks better on tv...and that makes me wonder what he looks like in real life. When things start looking bleak for him, he turns to his psychics and spiritual guides to give him guidance on his many endeavors. Outside of work, his pets are his life. He has the hispanic live-in maid, Zoila, who kind of reminds me of Cher's maid on Clueless. I can totally see Zoila and letting out a little yelp as she is running out of the room when Jeff walks in just like Cher's maid did (her name escapes me). I LOVE IT! My favorite part of the first episode that involved Zoila is when he is moving in his stage furniture and she is carrying the cushions and says..."I am tired Mr. Jeff, I need to rest", and he snaps back and says..."Yes, you have been working hard for 12 minutes, you deserve a break", as he takes the cushions from her. I laughed and laughed and laughed. My final favorite character is his assistant, who likes to be referred as his "executive assistant", Jenni. She is, of course, also an actress and she does voice over work. How fun would voice over work be? Anyway, she kind of looks like Julia Louis-Dreyfus, but sounds a bit like Karen Walker. She is kind of nutty, and cute, and looks like she knows how to have a good time. She is also married to an actor that was in the movie "How High", which I never saw, but I did vaguely recognize him. Funny moments from episode one involving her are escaping me right now. I am going to have to go back and watch it over again. I CANNOT wait for episode 2, when apparently we get to meet Jeff's ex-boyfriend. Seriously, Jeff Lewis...HOT! WATCH THIS SHOW!

My Wish Has Been Granted

Thank you to whatever mystical power that was listening to me when I made the wish to see the third and final member of the Destiny's Child trio fall. I have never been so happy, except this morning when Jason and I had a laugh at some loser's expense for having a terrible "about me" section of his online profile. AND as an added bonus...it is a montage of ALL THREE faling. YAY!!!!


PS - Um...mystical powers...I am still waiting on that winning lottery ticket.

Seriously...That's How You Describe Yourself?

I really can't figure out why people skip over reading peoples' online profiles, because you never know when you are going to find a gem of a profile and get some damn good material to laugh at. My friend Jason got an email from this guy on one of the regular gay "social networking" sites we ALL cruise from time to time, and I gotta tell you...I have not laughed so hard in quite a while. I mean...misspelled words, incorrect use of words, using "text" spelling...it has it all. On top of that, I can't tell if he is gangsta or just trying to be gangsta because certain people might find that endearing. You be the judge, and just a note, this is copied word for word with NOTHING changed:

"yO whats up im just a coo laid back kinda guy! Im not into all the DRAMA that sorounds me! Im just into going out to the clubs and haveing a good time with some friends! I also like to spend time with Family and friends at ME CASA just watching some Collage Football and drankin on some cold ass BUDLIGHT! Or outside working on my car or lowrider bike!

Im now trying to get my life back on track! Iv been in a hole lot of BULL SHIT in the past 4years. And now just trying to stay away from it. I guess im just a coo ass nigga to chill with and hang out with Im guessing! Just with out the DRAMA! But if you wana know more just holla @ cha BOi!"

Okay...for real...how many times did it take you to read that before you understood what in the hell he is saying? I am not even going to copy and paste the section "What I'm Looking For" because it may cause seizures. PS, I count 27 errors in spelling, punctuation, and/or sentence structure. While we are on the topic of social networking sites, what are some of the best OR worst "pick up" lines people have sent to you? I want comments people!!!!! You don't even have to leave your name, just click anonymous and go. I know people are reading this blog, but nobody ever comments...throw me a bone on this one...I BEG OF YOU!