Did That Just Happen...for over 3 years?

It is amazing what a person will unknowingly put up with when they are in love with someone. It is even more amazing what a person will overlook about the person they are in love with...when they are in love. Do you know what is even more amazing than that? The moment you are standing there looking at the person you are in love with, knowing something is not quite right about the relationship, and literally feeling your heart and your head finally fall into sync with each other to realize...this sucks more than it doesn't suck and it should probably stop. It's got all of the things essential for a Lifetime Made for TV Movie gone horribly awry, or terribly boringly awry.

I will admit that I am that person. I met a man (mentioned a few posts back, and whom I will refer to as "my guy" for lack of better words...although "Asshole" would be more appropriate at this point) at Starbucks several years ago and was immediately infatuated with him. I thought he was handsome, funny, clever, smart, and could kiss me like no other man had kissed me. He was a bit guarded with some of his personal life, and I probably should have recognized that as a red fag...er, flag, but I thought to myself, "he'll come around and let me know whatever it is in time." As time went on, I started to realize that things were not progressing in the manner that a normal relationship should. He would happily have sex with me, but when it came time to sleeping over...well, there was a hole shaped like him in my bedroom wall before I could even ask him to stay. He could not get out of my apartment fast enough after ejaculation. If I asked him to go see a movie or sit on my couch and watch a movie, he would decline the invitations. Then on a night when I had asked him to see a movie, I caught a glimpse of him with his "ex-boyfriend" at the same movie theater I was at. That conversation didn't go well. God...that should have been a clencher, but nope. Apparently, I love to be hurt emotionally and I dismissed it. He would also regretfully decline when I invited him to birthday celebrations and even simple gatherings with friends at a house for dinner and True Blood. There was always an excuse. This or that or this and that or this but not that was going on and he couldn't make it to those events. Oh...and going to his house? Out of the question. He would rather burn it down first. In the three and a half years I spent enabling this behavior, I probably got invited over...maybe four times. I even went as far as to sit at home, alone, on my Friday and Saturday nights foregoing plans with friends hoping he might come over for movies and couch cuddling. Never happened and my friendships suffered for it. There is a whole other laundry list of things that he did or didn't do that have soured me, but I will spare you the details because I wouldn't want to sound like a stereotypical fag running around crying about hurt feelings, because I really do feel nothing at this point.

He began to slowly tell me about his life during all of these invites that eventually became non-vites, and used them as reasons to keep his distance, while at the same time texting me "I miss you" or "thinking about you". He had moved here with his now "ex", and they had bought a house. I used the term "ex" loosely because I don't believe it. They "broke up" shortly after arriving here. He also said that his "ex" has an ailment called Reiters Syndrome that bounces back and forth from being active to remission and it is painful and he can't walk and he had to care for him and...I kind of stopped listening after that because I could not care less about this person. Also, people walk away from things like this every single day.  I guess it was good to find out that his priorities revolved around the financials rather than the actual happiness.  I had to keep references to our relationship to a minimum around my friends because the "ex" knows people and it could make my guy's life miserable in terms of settling their shared assets. Now...I don't know about you, but when I am dating someone, I want people to know about it. Before I was told about this rule, I had already opened my mouth about it to someone who blabbed it to their bff who then told another person who told someone else until it bounced all the way to San Francisco to the "ex" who then laid a wrath upon my guy. That taught me never to trust a skinny bitch Nordstrom retail queen, unless you want EVERYONE to know. Then again...the SBNRQ wasn't the problem. The problem was the fact that the "ex" had my guy's balls in a box in his nightstand in San Fran and wasn't giving them back anytime soon. Quite frankly, it also bothered me that someone that he allegedly had no relationship with, other than financial, could have such control over his life choices. Not to mention that he cared more about what this "ex" thought of him than I did, but I digress. Then, a few months ago, came the avalanche of details that spelled out how financially entrenched he is with his "ex", and it was a doozy.  I assume he kept this information to himself all these years because if I knew the specifics...he knew I probably wouldn't hang around.  He would have been correct.  Oh well...his cross to bear...alone.

The relationship kept going back and forth from "go away" to "come here" like we were playing ping pong, but each time it ended, I started to become less inclined to pick the ball up and smack it back into his court. Upon the most recent "pause", I decided to create a new profile on a fitness oriented gay (dating) website I had been a member of years ago.  I came to the decision that life is short and if this guy isn't going to put a ring on it, it is time to put myself out there to meet someone else who might. I had deleted my original account after meeting my guy because I had ideas of grandeur that he was going to be the man of my dreams and we would live happily ever after together. Now, obviously, it is a small gay world and I begged to venture that my profile would be noticed by someone that had a connection with my guy. Sure enough...it did. Before I continue, I had already told my guy that I was on that website, which he says I never did, BUT it wouldn't be the first time I have told him something and he didn't listen. I can't tell you how many times I had to describe who my friends were to him when I would say I hung out with this person or that person. "If you would have taken the time to get to know my friends and who they are, you would know." This alone drove me bonkers, because he used the excuse that they might know his "ex".  I would counter with...they don't have to know the extent of our non-lationship if you want to say we are friends...which is pathetic of me to say because it compromises everything about my idea of relationships and, again, enabled bad behavior. He saw it, and instead of being a mature normal person, he created dummy accounts and I would assume was trying to lure me into some kind of lurid meeting where he could "bust" me. I admit that I will tell folks that I have met people from the website, but the truth is I haven't. I use that kind of as a way to not meet people due to a "bad experience". I guess that kind of defeats the purpose of the site. However, I did not with him on his second attempt because when he allowed me to see his private pictures, they were of a fitness model/trainer based in Houston. FAIL! I even called him on it in an email and he said he was, indeed, the guy in the pics.  I figured...alright, let's see where this impostor is going with this.  It didn't go far.  I sent a couple of messages back to him but then I just stopped.  At any rate, we had words about it.  He asked if he and I had been boyfriends would I have been on the site.  The answer is simply "no", but he had made it clear on many occasions that we were not boyfriends and that we were not going to be boyfriends anytime soon.  More yelling happened and then he left.

I got a text on Monday saying it sucked how I had been "shady and a liar".  I bit my lip and decided not to engage him by mentioning how he was the pot calling the kettle black, but he kept on and eventually the words "You fuck off" were typed and sent after he told me to fuck off.  That was followed with "Thanks.  Have a nice day."  Needless to say, I am done with all of this.  I had once hoped that we would end up together after he got his life fixed, but I don't feel that way anymore.  There is no way I could do that, considering his lack of respect for me, the games, knowing that I have cried all of the tears that I could possibly cry for one person, and it would be SO stupid on my part to do that.  OH, and add the fact that all of my friends who know about him despise him...and my family...I can't even begin to describe their feelings about it.  So, in this case...lesson learned.  Going forward a heavy amount of due diligence will need to be done before allowing my heart to rule my head again.