Not so News Worthy, but worth laughing at...

-Turns out WackoJacko wasn't as crazy as we thought he was when it comes to his claims that people were conspiring against him. How does one react when they find out their legal council was trying to send their employer into involuntary bankruptcy? Personally, I would go ape shit crazy and scratch some eyes out. [yahoonews]

-Africa couldn't care less who Cammy Diaz and JT Timberlake are and any attempts at bringing Sexy back...all they want is some water to drink. Funny how the Hollywood celebrities would actually think that a tribe was throwing them a "Welcome to our village" party. Come on geniuses...they probably don't even have electricity to power the High Def TV needed to show every crack and crater in Cammy's face much less to even be able to know who the hell you are. Get a brain. [socialiteslife]

-Big Brother is watching and so is America as Mike Boogie crawls into a wooden garden tool crate and beats his meat on Big Brother 7. I have seen enough, and now I am blind. And them calling it the "Jack Shack" has caused me to hear enough...thank you and goodnight. Is there no shame? What about dignity? Oh the humanity of it all. Back to you Julie.[bestweekever]

-Has Jessy Simpson finally realized that her father is a dirty old bastard who likes to look at his daughter and think..."Damn, I wanna HIT that", and thought to herself..."Every single episode of Law & Order: SVU says that just ain't right"? Let's hope so, because gurrrrl...it ain't right. I mean it is one thing to think and say that your daughter is beautiful, but it is a whole other thing to have wet dreams about her.[USWeekly]

-Sometimes I want to beat up my bartender for being chinchy on the Absolut Mandarin, but that doesn't mean I am going to do it. Now I have even MORE reason to visit China...you know...besides going to find my very own Paris Hilton Hello Kitty...I can beat my bartender's ass! [DailyGut]

-Uma Thurman wants to help other celebrities find dates! "Wouldn't it be funny if there were a celebrity online dating service for all the lost and lonely socially-inept celebrities who don't know how to meet anybody?" Yes Uma, that would be spit on your neck, kick you in the crotch hilarious. Mirror]