The Not So News

- Star Jones and her main gay have fled the stressful life in Manhattan, where people love to drink haterade in her prescence, for the sunnier locale of Miami in an attempt to rev up their careers, and because Miami is NOT GAY AT ALL. He is apparently writing his autobiography...why...who in the hell knows. Why would he even think he is interesting enough to write a book. The only way that book is gonna sell any copies is if he "comes out" in the end. Meanwhile, Star is back and forth to LA trying to get her own talk show...why...who the hell knows. Unless it is going to involve a segment called "daily humiliations of Star", I don't think anyone is gonna buy that either. She should probably go back to lawyering. [pagesix]

- Carrie Underwood has joined an Oklahoma literacy campaign in an attempt to give backwoods rednecks the ability to read one syllable words without having to sound them out first. What's the campaign called? "Read Ya'll". Please insert your own joke here:_________. [yahoo]

- In other Oklahoma news, the oldest Hanson brother has gotten hitched...yes, the ugliest and most unattractive one of the group has gotten married, which makes me wonder why the hell I am laying in my bed all alone crouched in the fetal position clutching a body pillow...only now I am going to hear "Mmmmmbop" echoing in my head from now on. [yahoo]