Product of the Day: Clever Clasp

What on God's green earth could ever be more clever than the Clever Clasp? I saw a proglonged commercial for this product this weekend while I was channel surfing on the couch and I was immediately intrigued. Actually...not so much intrigued as I was like...why didn't I think of that? Of course, when I couldn't take my eyes off the telly, I realized that this product was being marketed to old people, fat people, and old fat people. My favorite and the most offensive part of the commercial is when they say..."Clever Clasp makes putting on jewelry so much easier when it is hard to reach" and they cut to a ginormous woman with a neck as thick as a redwood tree. And she is just a smilin' because now she can FINALLY wear jewelry around her neck. Then they show an older woman who lifts up her arms to put her jewelry on, and because you don't have sound when she all of a sudden and VERY dramatically jerks her arms down, you think that her arms had snapped due to osteoperosis, but no. I also enjoy that their slogan is "Never struggle with your jewelry again", like it is a child that won't shut the hell up, or a dog that won't take a shit, or an anaconda that has wrapped itself around your body and is squeezing the life out of you with every single breath you take, or it is like depression and getting your jewelry on is the equivalent to popping a Prozac. PLEASE!!!!! Those are REAL struggles. Anyway, is it really that hard to put on jewelry? If it is, maybe you shouldn't be wearing it. Furthermore, it comes with a clasp that screws so you can lock it in place, but if people can't even reach behind their fat necks to secure the jewelry, how in Jesus' name are they supposed to turn the lock? By the by, I am okay with old people using this...because I am sure my Nannie has ordered them because there is NO doubt in my mind it is difficult to get your jewelry on after eight Pearl Light Beers, but uncoordinated people who can't figure out how to work the regular necklace clasp...not so much. I tried to find the commercial on YouTube, but no luck. Here is the QVC version.

PS - HSN and QVC sluts are SO hot.