I took a "wrong turn"

So, if any of you have every watched movies like 'Wrong Turn', 'The Hills Have Eyes', or 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre' then you know it is never a good thing to be in a heavily wooded remote area and have your car die. Well, that very thing happened to me yesterday as I was doing field work. Now, I know what you are saying: "Why were you in a remotely wooded area where catching a cell signal is harder than winning the lottery?". To answer you, part of my job duties include driving out to the middle of nowhere to GPS physical 911 addresses for property owners who are going to build a residence. Yesterday was one of those days where I had to drive out to the middle of nowhere to do this. My work car is a busted ass 1998 Ford Crown Victoria that used to be driven by a boozed up, chain smoking Sheriff's deputy and I HATE it. The car's nickname is Vicky and she is all kinds of wrong. Anyway, yesterday I start her up to a grumbling roar and I being making my way out to the middle of nowhere. Roundtrip is about 80 miles...just so's ya know. I get to the gate that leads into the property, but the gate has a l0ck on it with a "private property" sign posted. I make the stupid mistake of shutting off Vicky and walking to the gate. I realize the gate isn't locked and I walk back to the car. I turn the key and NOTHING. Sweat immediately begins to form on my brow, and I literally scream "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO". After possibly blacking out for a minute, I regain consciousness and decide to call for help. I called for help and had nothing else to do but sit and wait for a reply. I decided to call my dear friend Kristy back at the Clerk's office so that at least one person who cares would know where I was. Of course, as soon as I get on the phone with her she immediately says, "Just don't think of the movie 'Wrong Turn'". Luckily, I never saw this movie, but unfortunately I did see its trailer and have no idea how it ended, but it couldn't have ended well for the lovely Eliza Dushku. So, the insanity ensues, as a fly the size of a hornet lands on the roof of my car, and makes the sound of a pair of Manolos on hardwood as it scurries across the top of Vicky. I told Kristy, "something's not right out here". Despite it being daylight, I was a little freaked out and could just visualize some tribe of inbreds taking me hostage and doing one of three things. 1) Sacrificing me to whatever God they were worshiping that week, because let's face it...they would NOT dine very well on my skinny but muscled ass [that rocks]. 2) Molested me and forced me to impregnate their queen because their gene pool had gotten too cloudly from the inbreeding and they were needing my pure DNA, or 3) I would be sold into white slavery and have to live out the rest of my days wearing a shock collar and doing manual labor. As these thoughts went through my head, Kristy just laughed and laughed and laughed. Then I see a couple of horses and they started making the sound horses make, you know like in the movies when they stand up on two legs. But it was an eerie sound because it was more like a sound of laughter...almost like they were laughing at me and saying, "You are gonna die out here". It didn't help that it echoed either. As I am sitting there, a tow truck calls me at the same time the property owner drives up. I was blocking her driveway and she was very nice and offered to give me a jump. Well, she was driving a 1988 Jaguar XJ-S convertible, and it probably wouldn't have been a good idea to use it. So, we put the car in neutral and pushed it back, with me almost getting run over by my own car...thanks. Long story short, I got the car started, did my GPS reading, and got the hell out of there before my car had a chance to die again.