The Not So News

- Jessica Simpson's dumb ass credits the movie "The Notebook" for providing that moment of clarity that she should end her marriage to Nick Lachey. Um...did she not watch the entire movie, because it wasn't about divorce...it was about NOT getting married to the wrong guy and reuniting with the love of her life after external forces did their best to keep them apart. Dumb slag. Someone needs to beat her. [source]

- Ted Haggard has been cured of his homosexuality. Yes...cured, for now. He, amazingly, completed a 5 year program in only 3 weeks. Something tells me it probably didn't stick and he has a hankering for a big ole piece of meat. He will be moving to Iowa or Missouri and getting an online degree in Psychology...presumeably from The University of Phoenix alongside his wife. Uh huh...yeah...he will totally be using the internet for college. I also presume that if he does get this online degree he will start a "get the gay out of ya" practice and either 1) get caught in another compromising situation with a patient, or 2) spread more hate and bullshit about how you can "cure" being gay. Sorry, hun, it isn't a disease, but you sure are deluded. [denverpost]