The Not So News

- What's that you say...the Hills is fake? I don't believe it for one damn minute...I don't even care that MTV shot a scene of Spencer dropping Heidi off at LAX one day and "pick her up" 15 minutes later the same day...there is no way that it is fake. I still don't care that all of their clothes are the same except for their shirts. It is SO NOT FAKE! Okay, maybe it is a little fake. The only way it could be more fake is if Heidi rode home on a snow white Unicorn that shit Skittles. Can I also say to the world that sometimes I wish I could splash acid in my eyes and puncture my ear drums when I see them on TV. In other Heidi/Spencer news, he apparently has kept her out of the loop on the money he has been getting from photogs he tips off when they are going to appear in public somewhere. Photogs are actually paying these douches money for photos? WTF? Why am I not famous? [celebslam]

- Michelle Rodriguez is going to the big house for a violation of her probation. At least 180 days in jail. That's a shame. I can't remember, did she already die on Lost? And is it really a good idea to send this woman to a lady prison...is that really going to deter her? [justjared]

- Perez Hilton is being sued by alleged "coke planter" Samantha Ronson over that very accusation. Hilton repeated a story on his website about Samantha Ronson planting coke in Lindsay Lohan's car and staging her passed out from cracking out photos. She is claiming defamation and that she has never handled cocaine in her life. Uh huh...girl, if you have never done coke then I can say that I have never had sex with men. Girl is busted up in most of the pictures that are taken of her, and if that is not an after effect of snorting blow then she fell out of an ugly tree and hit every damn branch on the way down. Hon, there are some people who know the difference between drunk face and coke face...because they are two very different things. [ICYDK]

- Britney Murphy's husband is one hot slab of manmeat. How he keeps the pretty young things in check and from throwing themselves at him in public is a quandry that I will never know the answer to. Britney really outdid herself with this one. He either has a gazillion dollars hidden in an offshore account, is an absolute tiger in the sack, or love really does conquer all. Yet another question I will never have the answer to. I bet she had the most gorgeous jewelry made after she had his tusks removed. [janetcharlton]