Heeeyyy, do you like my bicep?

No, I do not. Thank you and goodnight. Saturday night was spent in Houston, supposed to be celebrating my friend Lizzy's birthday, but Lizzy did not show up because she had no babysitter. Happy Birthday Lizzy! Anyway, I had gotten a hotel room for her and two of my other friends to stay downtown so that we would not have to drive back to Pearland semi drunk. We started the night out at the straight bars and ended up at gay afterhours at South Beach down in Montrose. I was dressed cutely, at least everyone said that I was, and I felt confident, composed, and classy...despite throwing back several Mandarin/Sevens and three shots. First off, we walk into SOBE and have to pay a cover. I got through as the door guy was like..."it is $9". I replied..."IS IT?" in my high pitched squealing voice, as he started throwing attitude at Becky. Actually I should say it wasn't the door guy, it was the minimum age earning guy that stamps your hand so you can get back in. We hit the dancefloor and dance for a couple of songs, I go to pee, and run into them when I get back and Becky is not feeling well so she tells me that they are going to the car for a bit. I stand perched looking on the dancefloor for Miles (B's friend from work) and this rugged ass little shirtless Mexigay comes up to me, gives me the up and down look and says..."you're hot, you have a hot body" with a semi thick accent. Can I just tell you that I was not impressed and I replied...um...I have my clothes on, how do you know this? "I can just tell, do you wanna dance?" No, I am waiting for my friends. "Oh, where is your boyfriend?" Stupidly I told him that I didn't have one...dumbass me. He turned around and backed into me and started grinding away and then he grabbed my hands and made me feel his fat bloated body. I was like..."no ma'am". Then he dragged me to the bar where we he proceeded to ask me my name and he told me that his name is Gilbert and that he was just released from the military and it was his frist time in a gay bar. Uh huh...I don't know any new gays that just jump right in and run around a club without a shirt on. I replied...I don't believe you for a second because I don't know anyone that has just "come out" that immediately runs around without a shirt on. At this point he starts posing and flexing. "Do you like that? Do you like my bicep?" I thought...is this really happening to me? He looked SO stupid and I started laughing and said...you really don't need to flex for me, I am embarassed for you for doing that. Just to give you a mental picture, this guy was about 5'6" tall and beefy, but not a good beefy. He clearly works out, but he does not do cardio, and his muscles were not defined at all and he just kind of looked more like he had boobs than a muscular chest. "Am I bothering you? You can tell me if I am bothering you." I thought...let's see what else he will do, and one never to pass up a possibly funny story, I told him no. Then he tried to reach in to kiss me, and I backed away. "Aww...what's the matter?" I said, Gilbert, I don't know you and I may be drunk...but I'll pass on the mouth to mouth, but thanks for assuming that I would be desperate enough to fall for your flexing ways. After dragging me around the bar for what felt like an eternity, but was only 5 minutes I found Miles and left. This story is much funnier when it is performed and I can add his accent, but I will never forget the flexing...EVER.